I have SEEN and HEARD Desi women get very upset when their husbands complain/ridicule their (the wives’) parents and siblings. So, you’re wrong, not every Desi woman put up with it. Does that make her “less” of a friend?
Speaking of “friends” in general. Think about all the close friends you have in your life. How many of them will be completely okay with hearing about their family’s faults??? Keep in mind that “family” is a sensitive issue for many people and they can be pretty defensive about it.
Another thing to consider is the WAY in which you are expressing your complaints. Maybe you express your concerns in a tactless way. Perhaps you’re not careful with your words…or you’re always bringing up the negative points and not the positive ones…or maybe your suggestions that don’t involve mutual cooperation/compromise. Your in-laws have been the way that they are for so many years, that they’re not going to change…and the complaining might not be doing any good. So, you try to think of other more constructive solutions.
If not being able to tolerate someone complaining about your parents makes you “less” of a friend…then how much of a “friend” is the person who may be expressing their concerns in an offensive manner? Not much.