You Don’t Love Me Any More
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger.
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more…"
“Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”
Conversation Over Dinner:
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don’t you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I’d get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: ****.
The Perfect Husband
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Only $1,500.00.”
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much … "
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year … "
“What price did he quote you?”
"Only $60,000 … "
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
"Great! But before we hang up, something else … "
“What?”
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and … I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property … "
“How much are they asking?”
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price … and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover … "
“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?”
“OK, sweetie … Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
"Bye … I do too … "
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”