Agreed, that nobody should ´spoil´ childhood bonds... But the man has also another bond..... a LIFETIME bond with his wife.....
Besides asking for personal space and time, not interfering in private time/life is not really a bad thing to do/ ask........ I bet the friends would want their own private time as well.......
If they really don´t understand your need for personal time with your husband, I suggest you return the favor...... in time!
Re: hubby friends are leaches
That new lifetime bond is new, it takes a while for it to develop and strengthen. The childhood bonds are old, tried and tested, and a man just doesnt want to 'get rid of' all old buddies just because the mistress demands more time.
Like I said, yes they should respect one's personal time and space. Some of them realize that, some dont - and they learn it when they get married. Life significantly changes after marriage and one has to cope with the changes and modifications in his time management. It takes a while, and being an impatient whiner probably doesnt help much.
SwanPrincess, how long have you been married now?
The ones that don´t realize it themselves, you can try and MAKE them realize at least.
And I don´t think you are impatient SwanPrincess. Your life is there to enjoy, and ofcourse you want to enjoy special moments with your husband, without a whole ´fauj´ of friends.
I don´t think she is asking for the impossible .....
Re: hubby friends are leaches
Fashionista, its not surprising that you are not at all willing to understand the other side of the story. If take a moment from being a she-soldier and fighting for her special moments, and think about it objectively, bonding that the guys have is quite different from girl bondings. I have seen plenty of girls shuffling and switching friends, whereas in case of guys its very old, very tried and tested bonds. One man's life changes after marriage, other unmarried ones may not realize the 'specifics' of it and expect more of the guy's time just like the old days. It changes over time and it will change.
I respect the usual dynamite feminist views though - he should immediately get rid of all his friends since 'she' is in his life now with her lifelong nagging and should spend all his time pampering her. Dont explode, its not specifically aimed at your views, its the typical sistah-feministah ideas that annoy me.
Thanks for your observation Jaanwar, although not right in the first place and quite biased also. But not to worry, since it is your point of view and, thank god for that, not the reality.
I don´t think he should give up his social life and totally focus on his wife, for any healthy relationship it is a must that there should be a balance. Too much of anything is certainly not the right proportion.
However, there are people who do not realise that there is always a shift in needs and responsibilities. I am not demanding anybody to be super adaptive; everything and everybody needs time to adapt to a new situation... This goes for men and women.
And as far the bombshell dynamite super ´sista-feminista´ ideas and support, I am always there for my brothers as well, so don´t loose hope....
Thanks for your observation Jaanwar, although not right in the first place and quite biased also. But not to worry, since it is your point of view and, thank god for that, not the reality.
I don´t think he should give up his social life and totally focus on his wife, for any healthy relationship it is a must that there should be a balance. Too much of anything is certainly not the right proportion.
However, there are people who do not realise that there is always a shift in needs and responsibilities. I am not demanding anybody to be super adaptive; everything and everybody needs time to adapt to a new situation... This goes for men and women.
And as far the bombshell dynamite super ´sista-feminista´ ideas and support, I am always there for my brothers as well, so don´t loose hope....
Your starting statement is passive aggressive and fails to identify what was so horrible about my observation. Second and Third statements make sense.
Last one is rather self-praising/motivating/promoting for someone hiding behind a multi nick. Just another of my observations.
Might as well want to elaborate on my multi nick id´s. Let´s see your knowledge on multiple personality disorders as well.
By the way, I was pin pointing on your statement of me not willing to understand at all and that I was being a feminist.
From where I see it, you are the one exploding here.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
Ah nothing that fancy, its just that when you see someone who has apparently just joined in - feeling right at home and posting arguments/suggestions in Life1, it gets a lil shady now doesnt it? A very basic guage. Although I always give them the benefit of doubt, its hard for me to grasp why people try to hide behind multis and not 'spoil their own image'.
*"From where I see it, you are the one exploding here" - *well then you are seeing it from the wrong end, I'd say. I am just analyzing your views and the views in general. I think I rarely ever blow my top.
Might I add that your statement on multi nicks seems a bit too defensive and indicative of previous such 'accusations'?
Funny how everything (everything I do/write) fits into your thinking framework. Try to be more open and not so limited with your thoughts.
It´s ok if you don´t agree with me. Try to come with arguments, instead of attacking on the way I post.
And no, you are the first one to put a false allegation on me for having multiple id´s. And yes I do feel ´home´ and comfortable with posting on this forum. Just don´t believe in posting on every Tom, Dick and Harry´s thread. But caught myself having this pointless discussion/ semi-argument with you. So I suggest to focus on the main problem of the thread starter.
Obviously I expect you to disagree with me on this one as well.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
Fashionista - I must admit that your passive-aggressive and rather insecure reply cracked me up. I had no intention to *attack *you. Like I said, I was just analyzing the views, and then I got labelled for having a closed mind and limited thoughts. Poor me.
By your principle, people having multi nicks suffer from multiple personality disorders? That could be a bit far fetch, some of them just create nicks to save their original image. But alright, thats not the point of discussion here.
Well, since you dont post in every Tom, Dick and Harry's threads, I should feel honored to have this, as you said pointless, discussion with you. They say, discussions help narrow minded people (like myself perhaps) in broadening the limits of their thoughts.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
i find it quite silly the suggestion let the others get married, then things iwll be better.. does that mean his friends will have the balls to say no when they themselves are married and want to spend time with their wives??? so why cant THIS guy in question do that since he is married NOW?
my husband was insanely social and never was at home on weekends... he was also part of diff academic groups that did things together all over the country.... but he reduced his social time with buddies and groups DRASTICALLY when i got here... he also realized he doesnt have to be in all these meets and social gatherings ALL THE TIME... so now he has his few good old buddies he grew up with or went to uni with.. that he spends time with.. but he balances it out realy really well with spending time with me... and he tries to keep meets with his friends during weekdays.. like lunch together.. or grab a coffee after work... keeping weekends free for time with me.. but sometimes we invite his friends over with their gfs or wives and so we all get to spend time together ...
its just about balancing things out.. not that hard. i dont see how you can get married and still be such a baby and not be able to say NO.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
Khawateen: interpretation issues. Let me simplify it for you.
a. 2 childhood buddies, one gets married, other one doesnt fully realize the change in other one's life. There would be conflicts in time management of the married guy since his friends expect his time like the old times. Although they realize that the guy is married now and needs to spend time with his wife, but they do expect a decent slab of time.
b. It changes over time. When more guys, out of a group of friends, get married, their lives change and automatically time management changes. Protocols and time slabs for the meetings change - i.e. with wives or whatever.
I believe it took your husband a bit of time to manage the change. It is a major change and takes a while to manage.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
janwar: its true what your saying...
in the first case, its the married persons duty to make the friends realize that he isnt always available like before. if the friend is mature, they will understand and back off. my husband lost a couple of friends like this cuz they just couldnt come to terms with my husband being marrie and not being able to go out at a minutes notice. my husband says its good riddance... he'd rather be around ppl that are accepting of ones situation
b) thats true too.. my husband is the only one in the group that is married.. we have been married 2 yrs now...a couple of his friends are getting married this summer... now if my husband had kept ahold onto his social lifestyle for these 2 yrs.. we would have had major issues with me feeling like i always came second.... i cant understand waiting for others to get married to better ure own domestic situation.. the idea is beyond my understanding.
who's to know when the husbands friend will get married?? and whos to say that the men will stop arranging evenings together even after marriage, not even considering their wives? i know loads of uncles and guys like that.
im not at all against my husband having his own social life, everyone needs their space and ones friends from childhood are worth staying in touch with and keeping close.. hell even i love spending time with them and their gf's.. its so much fun.. but everything in good balance. only way its fun. :)
Re: hubby friends are leaches
sheez this guy is kinda lucky-- when I got married some of my friends drastically stopped talking to me just b/c I was married even though I tried to keep ties. Sucks.
When I got married - it was the same story swan. It was really annoying. But all of them got married and had kids. They all disappeared somewhere.
Seriously,
she is not paying attention to my tips. They are all practical and tried and tested by others.
Re: hubby friends are leaches
People, if your birthday/special occasions were being invaded by people you're not close to and all you really want is to spend it with your spouse............you'd be annoyed too. By the way, hope they didnt do this on Valentine's Day? That would be interesting.
Everything doesnt have to be shared and these friends are being a bit annoying. Im all for guy time, in fact I encourage it because I have no intention of dropping my friends when I get married.
Some things should remain intimate and between the couple.
hi SwanPrincess
Well its the same situation and same sort of story with me. it is ridiculous and annoying. i am a very upstraight person, my hubby's friend is his business partner, and they are friends from college, they were very close before but now they just business partners n just normal mates.
whenevr he comes around i hate him, absolutley detest him! they whisper in each other ears, and they go downstairs like they are talkin secreteve, but they r not! cos i hav herd it, and its all business talk! when i ask him wht u chat about he says non of ur business!
one day he was here, and that day was sunday, it was 1:30am, and we had to wakeup at 7am for work, he wouldnt go!! i said bhai aap subah ajana, bohat neend arrahi hai, with yawn, and my husband got angry with me sayin u shudnt hav said that, u cud hav said nicely stay over at this house ofr the night and go in the morning, when he lives 15 mins away with his wife n kids!!! im like HELLLOOO i am not wrong!
but anyway he knows that guy aint a good friend. well i do feel that he shud mingle with his mates, but they r not good at all!!
swanprincess just chill with ur hubby, if they do invite u for dinner or sumthin, say oh we hav to go sumwehre, we hav buked the cinema tickets or we hav booked dinner out or sumthin like that. its very annoyin i know!! Smile!
ok i agree the new life time bond (marriage) is new .but what is a marriage ,to except eacthother and spend the rest of ur life with that man.so are friends more important than wife.i am not saying to leave them,but there should be some space .SPACE is required in every relationship.spending whole evening at some couples home ,watching TV and fooling around and phaleez dont remind me when their is ice hockey game.
and janwar jee you are calling a wife a mistress …HELLOOO are you feeling alright:hoonh: theirs a vast difference between the too.when you ll get married you ll know and then maybe then i ll consider your advice:hehe: right now i just want them to get my msg and DO COME but ocassionally:)
Mirch i liked your mashwaray,some of them cracked me up.you indeed are a great help.thanks everyone 
I wonder how those guys’ must’ve felt during the suhag raat/honeymoon :aq:
ok jokes aside
are these guys the type that, God forbid, something hapens, they will be there for u both? Does the hubby keep the marital issues between you two and nto tell them? When they go out do you know that htey are just guys and no girls around? Are hte guys of good character? If yes to any of these… that is great.