I was wondering if any of the parents on GS have a completely different outlook on the way children should be raised to the way their in-laws raised their kids and expect their grandchildren to be raised?
How do you go about dealing with the sitation?
An example of our different way of thinking is this: girls should be taught to look after their brothers and other males in the family regardless of their age. They should not talk unless told to speak. Men don’t do anything for themselves because women should.
Another example: if your oldest is a girl she should be trained to look after all her youngest siblings.
One last example: such and such has just bought a new car we should go the bank get a loan and get a bigger car (even if we cannot afford the repayments).
I don’t agree with any of it and obviously given my position in the household I cannot do much about things. But I wish for our children to be brought up with principles that are taught based on Islamic teachings rather than culture.
I really have no common ground with my in-laws. I unfortunately no longer have a good relationship with my mother-in-law however wish to make an effort in regards to our Inshallah offspring. I hope they will complete their Islamic duties towards their grandparents and be good Muslims. I suppose a positive thing is they are in Pakistan and I’m in England, however my husband wishes to visit Pakistan regularly and wishes to apply for their visas to visit England too.
Does anyone else have a different outlook on child upbringing to their in-laws and how do you go about it without causing too much hassle for yourself?
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
when it comes to children, god gives the mother a certain kind of strength to deal with hardships. ive seen the most docile women speak up and become tough when it concerns their kids.. inshallah you will do find.. you just need to be on the same pg as your husband and work together as a team... if one side doesnt undermine the other, no one else can come in between or mess things up.
my in laws are very diff in certain aspects ... just talk to them politely, and let them know ... if they understand great, if not, you do what you think best
you cant stop them from speaking their minds or doing what they knwo best (like the car example), when your child is of age, you can talk to them and hope they follow your example of living rather than their grandparents.... its not all bad.. we all have good and bad qualities... focus on their good ones and that will help you keep your child close to its grandparents... they really arent all that bad
i really dont agree with some views my in laws have on life and how to spend it... it used to worry me cuz i didnt want my son to grow up with those values and be .... negative all the time... so husband and i are trying to set an example ourselves.. and when that is what he is gonna learn first off from.. 2nd come the in laws.. if we do see or hear him talking or acting i a way we do not approve of, we can explain to him our views.
you gotta just take it as it comes. cant worry beforehand :) as long as you dont put the other side down just cuz their views are diff than ures, its never gonna be a big deal and thus, not a problem
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
Khawateen, thank you for that advice. My husband and I also have difference of opinions and he will do everything he can to keep his mum happy so unfortunately we won't be on the same page all the time.
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
Princess the first example you mentioned regarding girl taking care of others was also there in my daughter's fathers side of the family. They also had this issue of sending girls to school very very late and I mean very late because they believed that girl should be old enough to protect her izzat . I did not agree with these and many other things but Khawa has put it very well that you will get the courage and you will take a stand. Yes things are going to be more difficult when your husband does not support your point of view. But I hope when your baby will come (Insha Allah) things will change after all you are the mother and you have a right to raise your kid the way you want.
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
Khawateen, thank you for that advice. My husband and I also have difference of opinions and he will do everything he can to keep his mum happy so unfortunately we won't be on the same page all the time.
do you already have a child?
if not... you have ample time before your in laws come to england, to get onto the same page with your hsuband in regards to child rearing... atleast start talking about it... once the baby is here... work on it even more. its really difficult but its not impossible... if he still doesnt care about your views.. you do what you think is best for the kid ....
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
...of everything your in-laws teach/preach?
An example of our different way of thinking is this: girls should be taught to look after their brothers and other males in the family regardless of their age. They should not talk unless told to speak. Men don't do anything for themselves because women should.
Another example: if your oldest is a girl she should be trained to look after all her youngest siblings.
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
The hardest thing, is being on the same page with your spouse about child rearing, I truly think if you are, then even inlaws cannot come in between. :(
Re: Howha do you go about the upbringing of children when you believe in the opposite
Just makes sure you are the PARENT in the child life and - don't let others do the parenting for you. They can come across different veiw points but they need to know what the rules, boundaries of their own home (parents) are.