how would you react if you find out that your in laws are hiding something from you..for example there is some problems in the family but they told everyone at home not to tell you just because you are not from the khandaan..everyone in the family including the other bahus (they are from the khandaan)
Try not to let this bother you, Angel. ( I know…easier said than done). But they’re not obligated to share the issue with you. Hopefully the issue does not involve you (and that too, in a negative way). You can tell your husband that you sense there’s a family problem and that you’re “there for him” if he needs to talk. You can even tell your MIL that you consider yourself a part of the family and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. That way your in-laws/husband won’t “assume” that you’re apathetic about their family . Sometimes in-laws can assume wrong things, so I think it’s better to offer help/support out of formality. ** After letting them know that “I’m there if you need me”…respect their privacy**. Sometimes if you impose on people, they may get offended.
and then someone tell you about the problem and say they were told not to tell you because maybe you will tell your parents and they will make fun of the in laws
Whatever you do, DON’T tell your MIL or FIL or husband that this person revealed this information to you. Just approach your husband/MIL and let them know in a VERY GENERAL way that “If you need any help, please let me know. I’m not going to judge or ridicule. I hope that you don’t think that I’m apathetic, because that’s not the case.” It’s up to them if they want to share or not. But at least they know that you care about them. That’s the more important thing, IMO.
how would you react if mother in law is talking to someone in the living room and when you enter, they just stop and when you leave they start talking again
**There are stories of in-laws who don’t leave the bahu in peace…drag her into every single drama…and make her life a living nightmare if she doesn’t support them even if the in-laws are wrong. Such bahus might even wish that the in-laws would leave them alone and not put her in an awkward situation where she feels pressured to agree/side with them on an issue when she may actually think that they’re wrong. You’re being spared of that problem. Sometimes “involvement” in personal problems can get STICKY, angel. Who knows? In the long run, it could be a blessing that you’re not being dragged into the problems. Apart from not sharing a khaandani problem with you…do your in-laws like you? Do you get along with them for the most part? Does your husband love you? If the answer to these questions is a “Yes”…then that is the more important thing there. That is what matters most than being a part of the family intrigue.
Also, it’s possible that YOUR parents/siblings might have an important matter to discuss with you one day…a matter that they DON’T want you to share with your husband or in-laws. And your family might also SUDDENLY BECOME QUIET if your husband enters the room. Then what? Would your husband FORCE or PRESSURE you to involve him in your family troubles or would he respect your family’s privacy?
It could even be that this issue is very complicated and has been a part of their family for many years…and that explaining it to someone who hasn’t been a part of the long and drawn-out history can be very tiresome. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining a complex issue to someone because you think “forget it, it’s a long story, and I don’t have the energy to explain everyone’s view point.” If overall everything else in your life is peaceful…don’t create unnecessary stress for yourself.