Your parents remarrying after a spouse’s passing? Especially if you were supporting them?
Has anyone been through something like this already?
Would you, or should you have a say in the matter?
Re: How Would You Feel About...
I don't think we have the right to tell our parents to marry or not to marry.
How does it feel when a spouse passes away? After so many years of companionship and love?
Who are we to tell someone they cannot be happy?
Re: How Would You Feel About...
i think they have every right to remarry for whatever reason they might have and we should be fully supportive of them, irrespective of if we support them financially or not!
life for the surviving spouse become lonely all of a sudden and hence often times unbearable...the irony is that can NOT express their feelings to their children for fear of being labeled "buDDhaa saThiyaa gayaa'.
i think a lot of desi widowed/divorced men/women do NOT marry because of this social stigma [pressure]. it's SAD that we are so insensitive of their emotional needs!
Re: How Would You Feel About...
i completely agree, there is such a cultural stigma against this. is there a double standard though between older men remarrying, over older woman? i know a family where aunty is in her second marriage through divorce, and she remarried a man who had become a widow. Pakistani and everything but people sympathize more with that uncle because his wife DIED, as opposed to the aunty who remarried after a divorce (maybe two, i am unclear about that, i have heard different things).
Re: How Would You Feel About...
They have every right, in fact they should, especially if they are younger than 50
How Would You Feel About...
My mother remarried about 7 years after my parent's divorce. I was 21 yrs old, busy with college and work, barely home. Why shouldn't she have?
My dad elected to stay unmarried. I would not have minded at all had he decided to remarry as well.
Re: How Would You Feel About...
i completely agree, there is such a cultural stigma against this. is there a double standard though between older men remarrying, over older woman? i know a family where aunty is in her second marriage through divorce, and she remarried a man who had become a widow. Pakistani and everything but people sympathize more with that uncle because his wife DIED, as opposed to the aunty who remarried after a divorce (maybe two, i am unclear about that, i have heard different things).
i agree...it's harder for a woman to remarry...she is under more social pressure to keep her need/emotional under check...mard to kabhi kabhaar 90 kii age men bhii shaadii kar letaa hai magar aurat 50 ke oopar huii to kahte ahiN abRii bi Allah Allah karo, ab aapkii shaadii kii umr nahiiN...idiots who say this!
Re: How Would You Feel About...
I think they have a full right to remarry!! Its his/her child's problem if he is making issue out of it...... I think a person can get married at any age!! Balkay I think burpahapay main hi aik insaan ko apnay companion ki ZIYADA zaroorat hoti hay!!
Re: How Would You Feel About...
i agree with the stigma but at the same time i am indifferent. i feel like it depends on the scenario around them, i think if there are a lot of grandchildren in the picture, i feel like there isnt a need? usually thats achieved at an older age? but i also think if you have children as a single parent, coming into that prime marital stage themselves, then the focus should be on the children getting married first?
i think remarrying was much more commonly accepted in the olden days, especially for men who had children that needed to be looked after. but now im not sure how commonly it is done, i know many single parents in the community. that might be because of the change in traditional roles between men and woman.
personally, i would be one of those children with a problem. it seems unimaginable but thats because i still have a younger brother living at home and i wouldnt be okay with another woman raising either one of us.
Re: How Would You Feel About...
My mumani passed away a few years from breast cancer. She left behind 3 kids under the age of 5. My mamu tried for a long time to do it on his own because he really loved his wife. He took some time to get over things but honestly...raising two girls and a boy with no mother figure or adult female figure? Its too hard.
We as a family tried very hard to help out as much as we could but at the end of the day...they're his kids and he felt responsible for their upbringing.
He remarried a few years later. And what a difference it made. Granted the new wife is not their real mother but she tries very hard. Keeping them clean, fed, taking them to school, homework, etc etc etc.
Even if the kids were older, what is he supposed to do with the rest of his life? Live alone? We're all human and by nature need companionship. Someone to talk to, understand them, empathize (not sympathize) and share the changes that are life. As much as you love your kids and grandkids....its not the same.
My grandfather passed away before all of my aunts and uncles were married. My grandmother spent over 25 years alone dealing with everything. I sometimes wonder how she did it. How alone she must have felt. Is that fair? If she found someone that really wanted to care for her.................I would have been her biggest supporter.
Re: How Would You Feel About...
Well im actually in this situation right now, and i think that it kinda depends on the situation as well..like for example im still living with my dad and hes about to remarry and he asked me and my other siblings about how we thought of that woman and got to know her..but i feel even if he didn't ask me i would still be okay with it because it his life afterall and i think he would make the right decision.
Re: How Would You Feel About...
It was hard for me, but I have learnt to live with it and get used to it!