Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ I agree to a certain degree. If the badmouthing is happening about me to people i dont meet on a regular basis, to people who i'd prob see once or twice a year. I wouldnt care.. really. Why should I? these are not people I interact with... i have no interest in them, and if they arent smart enough to ignore the badmouthing, then they are not worth it.
Id treat it more like "oh she/he is prob just letting out their frustration to someone who has no idea about me".. that's what friends are for right? Tell them something which aint gonna go anywhere. If these friends want to judge me on that basis, i dont care... as im not meeting them..
But when it starts happening with people in the same circle, people you're interacting with... I might be a little concerned. But only if these people start believing the person and forgetting how well they may know you.
you really gotta pick your battles.. Life is too short for such silly drama
having said all this, i know just after having my daughter, i went through a lot of emotional crap. Hence, I say all this from experience.