Okay, I just want to be clear this time around, becaus apparently some of you people need this beat clearly into your heads…
I want a mature discussion on the topic that I had originally posted. I am reposting the topic, mainly because that thread got way out of hand, and we lost a really good discussion.
If you really can’t answer anything on the topic, then don’t put in your two cents. Anyone that had a really relevant answer from the previous thread is welcome to cut and paste their comments here.
So lets try this again, shall we? I’ll be more specific this time, so that the topic doens’t get sidetracked.
Mods, this time around, could you really watch where this goes? I’d like for this to be a productive thread. I think the issue is an important one in our society.
I wonder sometimes if the way mothers raise their boys is really the main problem in our jerk-filled society?
Mothers give way too much to their boys. If I have a son, he's gonna work his behind off! No cuddling, no kisses, no hugs - just a smart smack on the face if he misbehaves. I wonder if this will turn him into a real man rather than a spoiled mother's boy.
What is Relevant:
Boys. How they are raised. Mother vs. Father. Who contributes more.
Boy ends up to be bad boy. Hits women. Abuses women. Cheats. Lies. Is greedy. Not just sexually. Just generally bad. Spoiled.
And before you guys side track the conversation before it begins again with "Why does pcg get to multinick?" - pm me, i'll tell you the whole damn boring story. Don't bring it into this thread.
It depends. Its all relative. A child is not influenced by mother or father solely. You have relations, family background, cultural background, society in which the person lives and social environment ie his friends. You can not attribute one action specifically towards a single over-arching influence.
PCG why can;t you have a balance...spack him in teh face when he's wrong yet kiss him, cuddle him and love him...that's how my folks are...when it comes to correcting my bro..they let him knoe that he's wrong...yep he get's smacked...by both parties...yet after a bit ..they calm down he calms down and they sit down and talk it through lovingly but firmly.
In terms of abuse, usually a bad marriage is a result of that. What a child sees at home is what he reflects in his own relationships. Atleast that's how it always is on Law and Order SVU :D
Affection is very important as is discipline. You cant have one action to an extreme and the none of the parallel one at all, of course thats gonna affect his psychological balance.
You baby him too much he aint gonna have no discipline, and turn into a selfish, greedy MCP, sound familiar?
You discipline him too much he aint gonna have much in the way of emotional attachment, and still probably a MCP, i think it just occurs naturally.
It is very difficult to keep a balance. When you dont have kids its easy to look at other misbehaved kids and say “Jeez if u were mine I`d smack the crap out of you”, but when you have your own its a different story, believe me.
In my experience its the WOMEN who contribute more to the boys upbringing and to his sexist attitude.
The WOMEN spoil them, because in their upbringing they were taught to worship their brothers and the male species as a whole, so they do the same when they have sons. Hell they even get their daughters to do the same thing, poor gals. This aint just pakistanis who do it. So obviously this lad is gonna think hey I am untouchable.
Fathers usually think a good beat will sort their son out, once he is older ,not much into talking or understanding feelings. Of course then the mother will intervene and rescue him. So that gives him more of a boost, hey i can still do what i want and mom will rescue me from dad. And especially if there is a dadi around then you have got no chance of even getting anywhere near him to smack him for misbehaviour.
Environment plays a great factor in how a childs view of the world develops. If he turns into a liar or cheat or abuser then has most definitely grown up with this type of behaviuor, its normal for him.
Mariah summed it up pretty nicely. Just wanted to add one more thing though: When I was little we were yelled at, smacked around a bit. Alhamdulillah we turned out to be good kids (thats actually what my motehr says :D). But I have also seen my mamo raise his kids without so much as ever touching them harshly. BUt if the kids were misbehaving, all he had to do was look at them and they would straigten out. He loved his kids to death, spoiled them but nevr reaised a hand on them. So thats what I plan to do: "khilao sonay ka niwala, daikho shair ki nazar say".
Plus, whether girls or boys they are both going to have the same exact rules: the girl wont be told you cant do the same thing your bro does becuz you are a girl. If the boy wants to help out in the kitchen, then fine he can help out making cookies.
[QUOTE]
Boy ends up to be bad boy. Hits women. Abuses women. Cheats. Lies. Is greedy. Not just sexually. Just generally bad. Spoiled.
[/QUOTE]
I am not sure if it has anything to do with who raises the child. Boys normally grow in a more independent environment whereas girls are protected till they are married. If everything was equal for boys and girls as far as social, religious and traditional expectations are concerned then your statement would be true for girls too.
speaking of household chores, is it better if the boys are raised to do the same household chores the girl is told to do?
I have lots of guy cousins who did not have to do any chores. Or if any, then minor ones. Mommies and sisters did everything for them. How does this factor into their mentality?
Dutch Paki - AGAIN you miss the point of the thread. For anyone who thinks i'm asking for myself in particular is misled. I find this to be a problem in our society - a widespread one - and I want to discuss the cause-effect relationship between raising of a boy and the behavior of a man later on.
No THREAD for you! You thread diverter.