Ok so from various sources I have come to know that I am very sensitive and emotional. I have been told this by close ones and told that this is not the way to live life.
So my question is How do i Toughen up?
Ie not to dwell on issues about how people who have hurt me (ie play the victim card in my mind).
I just have been through alot and need to know how to live the rest of my life in peace and not to fall in peices everytime someone tells me off or makes a snide remark. I have tried to answer back and that doesn’t really go that well. With me and the other person losing their temper and saying things that I very well mean to say but later regret saying.
I guess when I look at it its because I have always tried to please everyone and now when I kind of have made a few mistakes they seem to want to haunt me forever. And parents of course are no help.
I used to do that alot--whine, complain, about myself, my life etc. Dwell on how everyone has wronged me
til I met someone who did the exact same thing, always complaining about how someone has wronged her, always talking about herself. it made me realize how awful and silly i looked and I grew up.
I still do that from time to time but I like to think its' lessened (even if i'm just being delusional). Its hard to be able to put ppl in their place or ignore it, but it gets easier as time goes on.
1) **Tell yourself that you can't control/change the person....BUT**....you can control how you react to their behavior.
2) Often times people who treat us like dirt are the ones with the problem. Perhaps they suffer from insecurity or jealousy or narcissism. Even psychologists will tell you that the offenders actions are a reflection OF THEIR OWN DEEP- ROOTED ISSUES....it's not about you.
3) You have two options. 1) Either ignore the offender and act as if they have no effect on you.....this will kill em especially if they want a reaction out of you. Treat them like vapor and don't dwell on their comments cuz they're not worth it. OR 2) communicate your concerns
4) Tell yourself, you don't need to waste your life's precious moments on negativity. Direct your energy toward more positive activities.
**
5)** An opinion is an opinion is an opinion is an opinion. It's neither right nor wrong. It's neither true nor false. If someone ridicules you.....it's their opinion. It's not necessarily a reflection of you.
6) You know your reality. You know yourself better than others. Focus on your positive qualities and accomplishments.
**7) **Get involved in helping others (volunteer work for example)....it builds self-confidence...so does pursuing your goals.
8) The person judging you is an i*mperfect **person just like all other humans....so don't be hard on yourself. And you teach people how to treat you. If you constantly play the role of the *"victim"** your body language will reflect that.....and some people will take advantage of that and try to hurt you again. So project confidence.
i guesss you've just got to be sure of yourself. i know that in my life i've been tossed around a bit, but you've got to have trust that God has something good planned for you. you don't have to please everyone, you just have to do what make you happy. if you spend time with people that mock you all the time, tell them off for it. don't spend time around them. i dunno. you've just got to do what makes you happy.
^ And let me tell you another thing, Zash. People who put you down, ridicule you, use you,.....are known as invalidators. And invalidators have various ways of invalidating you. And one of their strategies is to label your feelings. Instead of accepting responsibility for their hurtful actions toward you......they will call you over-sensitive. And by doing this....they have "invalidated" your feelings...or brushed them off.
**
I agree that sometimes we all can be over-sensitive**. But this is NOT ALWAYS the case. At times people can behave WAY OUT OF LINE....and you have a right to be offended at their idiocy. You can't always belive that you're the one who is too sensitive...cuz that exempts the other person from responsibility.
But understand that some people are not going to change....and you just can't waste time on them. They're not worth it.
Sara 516 has made an excellent point. I used to whine and complain a lot....and it starts to affect people. Then when you deal with someone who behaves the same way....you realize how complaining is negative energy that not only drains us but also drains our friends.
Ok so from various sources I have come to know that I am very sensitive and emotional. I have been told this by close ones and told that this is not the way to live life.
So my question is How do i Toughen up?
Ie not to dwell on issues about how people who have hurt me (ie play the victim card in my mind).
I just have been through alot and need to know how to live the rest of my life in peace and not to fall in peices everytime someone tells me off or makes a snide remark. I have tried to answer back and that doesn't really go that well. With me and the other person losing their temper and saying things that I very well mean to say but later regret saying.
I guess when I look at it its because I have always tried to please everyone and now when I kind of have made a few mistakes they seem to want to haunt me forever. And parents of course are no help.
Sorry for the rambling.
Give it time. Especially if you've been through a rough patch. And tell yourself that worthless people are just that : worthless. Do NOT let other people walk all over you, be assertive. Don't play the victim card, develop some self confidence, concentrate on your strengths.
Sara 516 has made an excellent point. I used to whine and complain a lot....and it starts to affect people. Then when you deal with someone who behaves the same way....you realize how complaining is negative energy that not only drains us but also drains our friends.
Yeah... OR
I wanted to kick her in the face.
Realizing that someone else (many someones acutaly) want to do the same to YOU, makes you change. :)
zash01> see the thing is you cant not get strength from with in the events !!!!
Figuring them is not going to make any different form how you feel now.
Toughness/strength is like pride. U just have that. like "I am proud even if I haven't tested my abilities."
I quote sara516 here
til I met someone who did the exact same thing, always complaining about how someone has wronged her, always talking about herself. it made me realize how awful and silly i looked and I grew up..
see... her toughness didn't come from those events around her, Basically it came form of pride. She did not want to look like "that" she grew up!!
Just like that. Thats how its done!!!! Cuz YOU don't WANT TO DO that!!!!!!
NO OTHER DEEP FREAKIN REASONS.
ok what i do, is retaliate. i know it sounds childish and could make things worse, but if its family members then most of the time if you just retort back and say something back to them without sounding rude or anything, just say whatever you got to say with a big smile. they wont say nothing to you again, i promise you.
nice attitude!!!!
as time goes by there will more things ppl will say things about (fat arms big butt etc). retaliating on their level will make u a royal ---- u know
But
Yeah you need to shut ppl up.. just by telling them to behave!!!
yeh happened to me a few times, my aunts kept saying how i needed to lose weight and i was a nice size 12 at the time but she kept goin on and this was coming from somone who looked like a pregnant whale.....she was massiveeeeeeeeeeeeee so when she said to me hey il take you to canada with me and il get you losing some weight( shes from canada im in uk) i said well aunty if going to canada will make me lose weight, uve been there for 3 years, how come it didnt work on you, why didnt u lose any AND i said this with a smile......
thats enough...nothing rude need be said, but say something otherwise people will pick on youooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo again and again.
zash - hon it going to happen with experience and time.
The first time you are going to cry, the 2nd time you will get mad, the third time you are going to voice your opinion out - by the 4th time, you won't even let it happen.
There are different ways to deal with this, Zash. And I hope you feel better soon.
You use your own judgment. Sometimes you think that the person should be ignored because they're not worth your time and energy. And other times, you need to put the person in their place.
Either way...the key is not to dwell on it after ward, this will drain you. The not dwelling can help build strength because you'll be using your energy toward most positive things that will enhance your development as an individual ;)
yeh happened to me a few times, my aunts kept saying how i needed to lose weight and i was a nice size 12 at the time but she kept goin on and this was coming from somone who looked like a pregnant whale.....she was massiveeeeeeeeeeeeee so when she said to me hey il take you to canada with me and il get you losing some weight( shes from canada im in uk) i said well aunty if going to canada will make me lose weight, uve been there for 3 years, how come it didnt work on you, why didnt u lose any AND i said this with a smile......
thats enough...nothing rude need be said, but say something otherwise people will pick on youooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo again and again.
This is what a great advice you have given.
Only this thing can stop a person That is say things with a smile. Don't remain quiet. This is the only and best thing you could do.