What are some ways you can suspect a family for getting their son married just for the sake of migrating to a western country? How can you know that the person you are marrying from Pakistan is genuinely interested in you not your greencard?
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
1) If they set the date even before they get to know you!
2) If they don't ask for your picture!
3) If they ask how long the marraige should last before they can get the green card.
4) If they ask once they get the card, can it be cancelled for any reason if the marriage don't last!
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
If they are marrying an expat and the plan for the guy is to move abroad with you, then you are being used. Same goes for guys, if the girl is marrying an expat and expects to move abroad after marriage, it means the guy is being used.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
in short:
if they agree to ALL of your demands...doesn't matter if those demands are fair or not!
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
If the guy is well educated already and only lacks a greencard than it doesn't matter. But if he will significantly better his lifestyle by coming to the US then yes, you could be being used. Also, how much they talk about the greencard is also an indicator.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
If they are not fighting you over expensive gifts for the whole khandan....
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
Tell them you might want to settle in Pakistan rather than staying abroad..
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
^ this is true haha.
I had such an experience. One will never completely know, but my mom was convinced he was interested in gc only, and then my dad started buying into the theory too...and I eventually figured it was a reasonable possibility enough that I figured it's just better to be safe than sorry. So I ended plans for an engagement with him.
-He came to the US to visit, despite me asking him to not do that. Spent 1400 dollars on a plane ticket, when he told me he only has 4000-5000 in savings... then when he got here, he saw my apartment building and was wide eyed and ecstatically happy that THAT's where I live. Yet, I parked the car in front of a grocery store, and he didn't want to come inside the grocery store with me to run errands, he sat in my car, and was absorbed in his phone.
-He asked me to send him pictures of the place I live in, the apartment, the outside areas. I don't really recall him asking much to send him pics of me. Maybe once he mentioned it, I can't remember, but he asked a FEW times for me to send him pics of the apartment.
-He had no solid plans of what he was going to do when he got here. No official job plans ( I honestly can't believe my dad pushed this along, now that I think about it :( )
-he asked me what was in my bank account
-he asked me what my annual salary is
-he came with ZERO gifts when he came to visit then asked me what gifts I had purchased for him when I confronted how his mom and dad didn't even send a gift along with him. (Meanwhile family is announcing to their family members there is an engagement when there hasn't even been a ceremony).
-he had made plans, later he admitted, that he was going to buy shares in his uncle's businesses. with my money. which he says to my dad "so what if I use some of PCG's money?"
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
there is no way to tell. pheley meethi meethi batain..lol baad mein after shadi asli shaqal. urgh..
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
^ this is true haha.
I had such an experience. One will never completely know, but my mom was convinced he was interested in gc only, and then my dad started buying into the theory too...and I eventually figured it was a reasonable possibility enough that I figured it's just better to be safe than sorry. So I ended plans for an engagement with him.
-He came to the US to visit, despite me asking him to not do that. Spent 1400 dollars on a plane ticket, when he told me he only has 4000-5000 in savings... then when he got here, he saw my apartment building and was wide eyed and ecstatically happy that THAT's where I live. Yet, I parked the car in front of a grocery store, and he didn't want to come inside the grocery store with me to run errands, he sat in my car, and was absorbed in his phone.
-He asked me to send him pictures of the place I live in, the apartment, the outside areas. I don't really recall him asking much to send him pics of me. Maybe once he mentioned it, I can't remember, but he asked a FEW times for me to send him pics of the apartment.
-He had no solid plans of what he was going to do when he got here. No official job plans ( I honestly can't believe my dad pushed this along, now that I think about it :( )
-he asked me what was in my bank account
-he asked me what my annual salary is
-he came with ZERO gifts when he came to visit then asked me what gifts I had purchased for him when I confronted how his mom and dad didn't even send a gift along with him. (Meanwhile family is announcing to their family members there is an engagement when there hasn't even been a ceremony).
-he had made plans, later he admitted, that he was going to buy shares in his uncle's businesses. with my money. which he says to my dad "so what if I use some of PCG's money?"
wow...wiered guys out there.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
getting married ONLY for the sake of US GC is disgusting...but looking at GC as a "plus" among other proper priorities is OK in my view.
for instance, assessing compatibility along all dimensions of a marriage as normal and looking at "GC" as a secondary plus.
Coz lets face it, marriage is a deal. I as a guy would like to feel there will be value added too to my life on a daily basis if I take responsibility of a woman (whatever value it maybe that matters to me). but if "GC" is the ONLY thing the girl has to offer to a guy, then I'm going to feel sorry for the guy if he actually ends up with her.
But sometimes two idiots come together in perfect harmony and live happily together. Instead of talking in general terms, its better to evaluate what YOU are OK with, and how you assess what you are, and what kind of person you want.
but, there are people who get married ONLY for the looks! to me, its making the exact same mistake.
getting married ONLY for wealth, or getting married ONLY for getting laid, or getting married ONLY for love, or ...you (should) get the drift. Its essentially, what mix one is comfortable with. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong getting married ONLY for "something" as long as its a mutual understanding, and effort is made to fulfill one's responsibilities financially/emotionally as a spouse after marriage.
I think girls think its ok for them to get married ONLY for "social/wealth/immigration" status or ONLY for "LOVE", but if a guy does that, its somehow a total indiscriminate abomination across the board.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
You cant. Dilooon k haal Allah janta hai.
Just make sure guy is good, educated and from decent family. There is nothing wrong if he wants to come over. Its just like girl (or her parents) making sure that her future is secured but checking education and job of guy.
and if you are hell bent on testing waters, tell them you plan on moving to Pakistan.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
in short:
if they agree to ALL of your demands...doesn't matter if those demands are fair or not!
Pretty much agree with the above. Have seen that.
You cant. Dilooon k haal Allah janta hai.
Just make sure guy is good, educated and from decent family. There is nothing wrong if he wants to come over. Its just like girl (or her parents) making sure that her future is secured but checking education and job of guy.
and if you are hell bent on testing waters, tell them you plan on moving to Pakistan.
Agreed.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
i don't think there is any foolproof method of finding out of they are interested in you or how they can benefot from marrying you really but surely plenty pf meetings and talking you can see clues if tey have a different agenda to yours. My brother was engaged to a girl from PK, she wasn't too in to the UK but did ask my brother questions about life here etc it was actually her brother that got the aralm bells ringing. He was already planning things, how he will get my brother to send him a mercedes amongst many other stupid remarks. It wasn't long and my brother got cold feet and called the whole thing off. Greedy people is so off puttin and not attractive by any means. It is hard for westerners ro find a genuine spuse from PK if they are not from family and you don't really know them. Allah protect us all!
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
in short:
if they agree to ALL of your demands...doesn't matter if those demands are fair or not!
SubhanallaH AjJ PehlA diN haI kaY, apP kA posT angrezI zubaaN meiN parhA.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
SubhanallaH AjJ PehlA diN haI kaY, apP kA posT angrezI zubaaN meiN parhA.
lol...yeah, we all got lucky because an 'English-daaN" was with me who tarjuma-lated what i wanted to say from Urdu to Inglis. :)
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
If he's not interested in making a life for himself but more concerned with what you can do for him.
If he keeps asking about your assets.
If he doesn't have any career plans.
If he is demanding things from you versus having enough khud-daari where he wants to do things for himself.
Basically if he's more concerned with material things and not you.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
It's not hard to find out. Majority of these characters can be easily detected when they become too much interested in your finances, apartment etc. as pointed out in replies above.
Re: How to tell you are not being used for greencard?
Honestly, from seeing friends and family go through this, I would advise to avoid "importing" a groom if possible. Although if he is within the family (a cousin etc), the likelihood of him only marrying for a visa is less likely. Let's be straight up. If a guy from a good, rich family has everything going for him in one country (Pak), why would he want to move abroad? I will give my own example- born and raised in one country, settled, comfortable etc- why on earth would I pack up and move to start over? I wouldn't. However, Nowadays the situation in Pak is quite bad for those who are not from the upper class that most of them will use any means possible (marrying) just to get out of the country. And then they will try to live of you and your family. Bottom line- don't do it, if you do do it, undertake proper investigations, suss out the guy (and his family's) motives and don't rush.