Some time back I had told my self that no matter what happens I’ll always love this one particular family. But its becoming difficult by each passing day.
Every visit start off with a heavy doze of tanz by females of the house, its like when you go in and say Salaam, the w’salaam will be followed by a nasty line. You swallow that and there’ll be one more. This show continues till either I move on or they’re out of stack. I don’t recall ever hitting back.
Phir over to the males, they normally don’t say a thing. You can sit there for hours and at the end you can count on your one hand the number of times someone other than us/me have said something. But they usually listen to whatever is said. Its not like they’re are super bore ppl or can’t speak, this attitude is only shown when they’re hosts.
This is like normal routine, but maybe I’ve become more aware of attitudes and changes now, this has started bothering me a lot lately. So the other day, I managed to offend them while trying to show them that I/we care. The reaction was so extreme and in my/our absence that I still feel pathetic thinking about all they have or might have said. After that I/we put on an extremely cold mask when we’re around them, and to my surprise things seems to be back to ‘normal’ or at least there are no more tanz. Everything is hehe haha again. Tanz is one of the few things in life that I hate with great passion.
I’ve seen this attitude in better or worse versions quite a few times now and have come to this conclusion, if you want to love or care for desis, insult them! I wonder when we’ll start understanding this tiny detail about love amongst relatives/friends, ke ppl who care are not dependent on you in any way, so relax :o
once upon a time ....i used to be very sensitive .....i was too polite (i still am) n too caring n all ...so anything negative as a return of my favours used to hit me really hard
but then i learnt my lesson (thanks to my dear ammi)
i learnt to do everything for myself .....
i still do favours to others , perhaps more than i used to do ....but i do it completely as a charity ....to make Allah miaN n myself happy
n iexpect nothing from others ....
if they rhappy i'm pleased ....n if they r not ..who cares !
as for taunts n all ....just ignore
look at it this way .....if someone doesn't offer his prayers ,he is doing bad for himself.....same applies to every single negative action
i bet you'll never refuse to pray just because these relatives/friends aren't praying
dunno if i made any sense ....
ididn't mean to deliver a speech ...but this was all i wanted to say ...coz somehow your post was reflecting me (in my past)
Some people are just jerks. If they have a bias against you, they won't even give you a chance to show that you care before they start being nasty to you.
You should not waste your efforts on them - find people who appreciate you instead.
Sabah there are two particular females in my life that I always give and give and give and give, and give and still give, but all I get in return is that “jab bhi hum nay kuch manga kuch na mila, yay koi tareeqa hie rishtidari ka” Yar Sabha, I have sacrificed so much since the past years, and am surprised at my self, that even though i gather bitter feelings for them in my heart, yet whenever I go anywhere in the world, they are on my mind. I’m always getting them something from here and there so much that my own close relatives are fed up of me always giving and getting only yet more demands from those two females that I never give them anything. Oh yes, when it comes to exchange of words, tanz and tanaz loads of it are bestowed with abundance. Bus laghta hie apni yay desi aunties consider their tanzia andaz as a token of their utmost love and appreciation. Laykin phir yay meri aur tumhari jaisi ko kion apni moN ki mar parh jahin hai when we give them a taste of their own medicine
Acha suno, the tareeka I’ve so far learnt how to handle them is just become as cold as a stone (or atleast pretend yar, laykin is dil ko kon pathar jaisay bunaiy yar grrr) let their words bounce off you, if your spine is strong (umm… translation baath mie poch laina agr samaj mie nahi aya yay fiqra) u can also use Newton’s 3rd law. Sudharnay walay agr hoN gay tuo sudhar jaIn gay, warna yay desi aunties barhi bay rehm hothain hain, in ka koi hal nahi. Yar, my sadho ji once told me, “Kutay ki dum 20 sal tak nalki mie rehnay kay baad bhi tairi nikli” ab mie tumhain kia kahon!!! Sniff Anyway, koi mojhay bhi tasali day, cuz I’m not helping Sabah here at all
Deysee, itne din kahaN gum rahi? Gosh I’ve missed you. What happened to your old ID? Want it back?
Afia, I care cuz I want to, or maybe wanted to :o I work in extremes most of the times, either I like you or I don’t have any feelings for you. I don’t like ppl on my black list. I’m not doing any favor, just showing them that I care because they’ve been there for us when we needed them. I can take tanz as most of the times I don’t even get it, but I hate it, it stinks of jahalat. But they like to believe that I’m an idiot, which is fine as long as they don’t catch me on a bad day :o
Azad nahiN sarural ki baat nahi – But wouldn’t you love it if someone really cared for you for no selfish reason?
Maddie, we should’ve been allowed to pick our own relatives :)
“just become as cold as a stone”
Pretended once, had a headache for rest of the day. They should change, stupid ppl!
Nahi bhai humain to muftay ki cheezain achi lagti hain na rass ati hain. woh log ziyada pasand hain … jin ki humain daikh kar hi 12 baj jatay hain … or sunaii dayte hain “lain jee phir tapak parray” or mou dosri taraf kar layte hain. Yeh sun kar humari roh tak jhoom utt’ti hay .. or jaapiyan dal dal kar un ka adha khoon jala dete hain. baqi ka adha kisi or waqt ke shughal ke liay chorr ate hain
Bhai in ko Allah khosh na rakh sakay (
), banda bashar kia cheez hay.
are bestowed with abundance. Bus laghta hie apni yay desi aunties consider their tanzia andaz as a token of their utmost love and appreciation. Laykin phir yay meri aur tumhari jaisi ko kion apni moN ki mar parh jahin hai when we give them a taste of their own medicine 
.. or jaapiyan dal dal kar un ka adha khoon jala dete hain. baqi ka adha kisi or waqt ke shughal ke liay chorr ate hain 