Re: How to react ?
The initial post had 2 questions, how to treat and a question about enquiries.
My view is that unless the person/family in question volunteers the informtion dont ask.
would you ask someone you dont know, who is parapelegic what happened, why is he in a wheelchair? if someone has some deformity would it be proper for a stranger to go up and ask why one of the limbs is malformed.
forget disabilities, personal questions should simply not be asked, especially if you dont know someone. Should one go up to some overweight lady and start asking her the reason of that, or how long she has been gaining weight, or someone with scarring on their face as to what caused that etc.