how to raise emotionally strong kids...

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V important these days IMO, please share you thoughts…thanks

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids…

Oh my god, this is a topic close to my heart given I have 2 drama queen daughters :smack:.

I’m still working on them, but here are a few tips:

  1. Listen to your child with respect so they know that you take them seriously. But never be afraid of telling them the right thing.
  2. Never condemn them, just their actions that need to be changed. So you don’t say “you” are bad but “that wasn’t a very nice thing.”
  3. You teach them to overcome situations by talking to them about what they went through and how they should handle it the next time.
  4. Don’t be afraid of letting them learn to handle things. For example, I usually let my daughters fight their own battles such if one pulls the other’s hair, or doesn’t want to share with the other. I tell them what’s expected of them, remind them, and let them make their own decisions.
  5. Teach them how to speak right. I like them to believe they can do anything [Remember Blue’s Clues?]. So if they feel they can’t do a math problem, I ask them first to speak right.
  6. COntrol what they watch, what they read, and who they play with.
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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

Jazakallah for sharing the tips...

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

oh wow good stuff niksik...thanks.

I worry about my son sometimes because I think he is very emotional at time(which i guess is normal) but I want to help him handle things better, if we watch a movie with him (kids movie) emotional scenes really affect him and he will keep asking 'woh keuon ro raha tha' ' uk bache ki mama/papa kaha chali gai thi' he is turning 4 in sept so I think it is right time to give him perspective and not get too emotional about lil things.

anything else guys????

thanks again niks...

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids…

One of my cousins belives that if you try to pamper ur kids and make them dependent on u emotionally they will end up being weak so the rule in their house is not to hug or kiss a child more than once in a day, getting them used to living with different people (changing nannies as often as possible) and staying away from dadda nanna type of ppl who spoil the child.

Not that i agree with her but alot of working women in pakistan think the same:confused:

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

I don't think you need to be so rigid about hugs and kisses... Kids need emotional security not a mechanical parent. The key is quality time. Building friendship and a support system.. I want my kids to know I need them as much as they need me. Even today when I ask my daughter who us 8 for her time so I can get some advice, she drops everything she's doing because mommy needs her brains. It's a great feeling, for both of us.

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

-praise when praise is due, NOT criticize but show the right way when an act is NOT praiseworthy
-always leave the door of communication open
-tell them that this world is NOT always about 'competition', one must enjoy life as well
-tell them that you are their friend so come to you whenever they need to
-tell them always that they must NOT lie about any facts and/or hide it from the parents
-i must emphasize the importance of religion.
-teach them to respect and love themselves and others equally

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

how many kids u have of ur own :)

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...


**hahaha...i am an uncle of 3 lovely nieces and nephews who did back-seat parenting whenever my bro N bhabhi left them in my custody. ;)

** besides, my mom died when i was 9 and i along with my other older siblings raised my two younger sisters who were 4 and 1 at the time of her death...i knew how to feed the baby, prepare bottle, tuck the baby, carry the baby around when she cried and of course knew how to change diapers...cloth diapers! i also learned how to wash them with no running water in the house :D...i'm an experienced guy ;)

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

thanks guys :) great tips..

I don't believe in depriving kids of the love, even after he gets timeouts and stuff, when I talk to him about the situation that landed him in time out, I always hug him and tell him mama loves him a lot but wants him to behave etc..he exactly knows what is expected of him. Sometimes when he does things that are not approved in our home, he will run and tell me e.g 'mama mein ne soap nahi waste kiya hai mama' then I know he was playing with soap in the washroom etc then I tell him please jhoot nahi bolte and he will tell me exactly what he did. He gets time times for stuff like ripping pages of his books, he developed this habit of pulling other kids hair and after couple of warning he goes in his time out chair.

I think it is v important to take care of their emotional side, a lot of kids are made physically and academically strong but emotional side is usually ignored.

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids…

ermm…let them not immerse in the Pop Culture/Bollywood/Disney stories etc etc…Keep giving dosage of reality…just my theory :blush:

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

^^ true...that why** we don't have TV at home**(I see ppl getting shocked :)) yes thats true we didn't keep TV despite my HGTV/food network and hubby's TSN fetish :)

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

Encourage them to be independent and make their own decisions whilst you stay in the background.

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

At what age do we start giving time out. Junior is 14 months old and he hits only one khala of his, especially when she tries to kiss him. He loves her to bits and happiest around her but everytime she leans in to kiss him he hits her. How do I get him to stop this behavior of his.

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

^ i do NOT believe in time-outs...this way kids learn less to behave but more resentment and develope some kinda revolting persona. i've seen some parents in our culture who start laughing when a child hits/uses profanities as if he said/did something cute...well, it isn't cute so he must NOT be dealt harshly but told in a polite tone and with loving gestures that what he said/did was wrong and not to do it...i'm sure a few reminders later, he'll learn his lessons. remember, raising a kid involves showing LOVE towards the child and re-enforcing it frequently by hugs, encouragements when he does something good.

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

^^^


I would think tell him if you do that khala will not play with you, and when he pulls her hair she should stop playing with him, let him cry or fuss then explian him why kahla is not playing with him. Reinforcing good behaviour is v important IMO.

we started giving hi time out when he was about 18/20 months because before that kids wont understand what time out is. Instead of yelling and hitting timeout is a better option IMO, my son has a chair where he sits whenever he does something wrong. The idea behind time out is to remove them from the situation. I tell him that you did so and so wrong go and sit for TO. He used to protest and all but now he got it, he protests for 2 sec and then goes to sit by himself, about 70-80% of the stuff he gets time out for he doesn't repeat, the stuff he repeats we try to give him 3 warnings and if he does not listen then too bad.

After time out(as I mention in one of the posts above) me or hubby who ever gave him time out will talk to him, but first we ask him what does he thinks he does wrong and if he thinks it is nice and if someone else does the same thing how will he feel etc and have a small talk then we always hug him and tell him mama/papa love you but you misbehaved and thats why TO.

Another thing I started noticing was that instead of yelling at him esp when we are in a gathering and if all kids are misbehaving I just say 1-2 and before three he stops, and then I tell him to do xyz.. you should see when 3-4 kids doing baad-tamizi parents will yelling their names out running after them, not with our son he exactly knows his limits, he is not perfect, he can't be but still atleats we are trying to help him behave in a socially acceptable way . Having said all this, he still misbehaves, still does naughty things but we ignore some and address the ones where he can get hurt or someone else can get hurt, or stuff that is plain BAD, it is all about perspective.

Let me give you an example, one of our neighbours who are very dear friends, they have a daughter 5 year old, my son is almost 4, so they play well together(sometimes). When they come over my son shares 99% of his toys, whatever is new or he really likes we tell him to not play with that when she is here because if he wants to play while she is at our place he HAS to share, when he doesn't share or postpone playing with that toy, we take him on a side and tell him to choose, does he want to play with her or he wants to sit in his chair. He will think for 2 sec and offcourse would want to play then he shares/or does as told. BUTTT when we go to our friends house, first thing the daughter does(mostly) is stands in the hallway with her arms stretched that our son will not be allowed in the house only me and hubby can come. Her parents will go on telling her it is not nice will almost beg, then when she finally listens there she she goes and stands in front of her room that he will not come in the room and play with her toys, we will tell our son ok koi baat nahi aap mama/papa ke saath aa kar kheelo, we usually take his crayon/paper for situation like this. SO while her parents are in there negotiating a deal that our son should be allowed in her room, our son starts colouring or be playing with us, she will come storming and will take his papers or start crying, parents again will be babying her, I mean come onnnn teach her thing or two. She also gets upset if my son is sitting with us or watching TV in their living room she will come and turn the TV off or will start pulling him to come play with her. 50% of time we are together parents will be negotiating one thing or the other with her. Well in our household we call the shots, with my son'd input, he know he is part of everything we do, he knows his limits too. We see so many cases like these around us.

So discipline is must with tenderness/love and care. We would never put our son for timeout where he can't see us, or in dark or make him stand in a corner. I mean discipline, love literally everything a child learns, starts from his/her home and first 6-7 years are the building years, after that you can just watch how they are growing and pray for the best. We want our son to be courteous, independent, happy child.

Nowadays my son keeps singing :) anything and everything, but I tell him azan ke time par, namaz ke time par, when someone is talking/sleeping he should not sing bc woh disturn hote hain. If he wants to sing he can go to his room and sing, so he is almost getting it but still forgets so remind him politely mama ke kia bataya hai singing ka?? he realizes and immediately follows..but then sometimes he will insist 'mama acha song hai, then I tell him mama namaz parh rahi hai aap apne room mein gao ja kar...

I hope you guys got what I am trying to say in the lonngggg post above :)

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

Thanks dosa chick but my question is does a 14 month old understand why things are being stopped (like khala playing with him coz he was hitting her )

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Re: how to raise emotionally strong kids...

14 months is too young to make them understand, they are learning to talk so that is how they express themselves.
As for the question about raising emotionally strong kids, then talking to kids instead of scolding them again and again helps them develop their personality.
Keeping kids socially active also helps them develop social skills and make friends. If they are confined in the house with limited people them they will not be confident interacting with other people. Its worthwhile taking them to parks, social gatherings, festivals, play groups etc.