How to raise a productive and positive member of society

Like so many of us today, I’ve been thinking back to September 2001. I was a senior in college, pretty far from home. I remember obviously the trauma, but also the amount I used to cry and cry during namaz. I once burst into tears during class. There was an odd confusion of emotions that I was having a lot of trouble with.

I was actually pretty nervous about backlash. I’ve never really experienced any sort of hate crime (thanks to Allah), and I was the head of the MSA at a small liberal arts college, with a small Muslim population. I actually had nothing to worry about. Everyone on campus was very supportive and actually concerned. The President of the College actually sought me out to check to see how I was doing and how other Muslim students on campus were doing. The other religious chaplains asked us to be part of a memorial service. I should’ve known better than to be worried at a place that had become my second home.

But it wasn’t just about backlash. The advisor for the MSA sent us a message saying that we should never feel like we have to apologize for or explain the motivation behind the events of September 11th. And of course I understood that, but it’s hard not to feel in some way connected, if not responsible. After all, our religion has been manipulated in a way to legitimize the slaughter of thousands of innocents. How do we respond to this? And I’ve always been someone who’s been in the religious minority in school and work. And I’ve actually never minded that – I think I kind of like it. I want people to ask me about being a Muslim. I usually welcome their questions, because I figure it’s better to address them, to rid the word of some misconceptions, rather than to force people to leave things unsaid because they are too afraid or ashamed to ask.

So anyway, the confusion and emotional turmoil continued for a while.

It was something Ammi said to me that started to bring me out of it. I can’t remember it exactly but the meaning was pretty much, “Your home and country has been hurt, so of course you will cry for it. And then you will pray and help it heal.”

And that actually really meant a lot to me. Because she emphasized to me my role and duty as an American. And I think she presented it in a way that made it part of my religious duty as well. Somehow the sense of conflict went away. I didn’t feel like I had torn loyalties. Because I didn’t.

Anyway, that was a long and convoluted post to get to the following point:

I think as Muslims, it has become more and more important for us to raise our children to be contributing, active, visible, and positive members of the societies that they grow up in. It’s scary to think of all those youths that have come from educated backgrounds and “good families” and have ended up as suicide bombers and terrorists. I often wonder what has made them become so disenfranchized and disconnected.

And what can we do to make sure it stops? How do we raise our children to be part of the Muslim Ummah and citizens of their countries in a way that is harmonious and positive for all involved?

Am I making any sense?

You cried in the class? Weak. What did you say? I am a Muslim, I didn't do it, please don't hate me? Pathetic.

Forget raising productive and positive members and lets focus on raising emotionally strong and non-apologetic members of society... not wimps who in turn start apologizing and start to accept the blame as if it is their doing.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

^ Crying doesn't make you weak. Only an immature narrow-minded person with little understanding of humans would say that.

But yeah, I cried in class. Never done that before. It was five students and a professor, and I was pretty comfortable with each of them. A few days after the event. I didn't expect it to happen, but hey it did, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It had nothing to do with apologizing.

You're right. We need people who are strong emotionally and in their faith, and are not easily brainwashed to feel guilty and defend empty causes and evil acts.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

i think they key is to de-emphasize the differences and minimize the conflicts between being a muslim and a north american citizen, exactly as your mom told you, you can be both and it is not a compromise to either one.

the more we put ourselves out there as muslims, the more we get the opportunity to spread positivity and the truth about our religion and why we practice it the way we do. islam is a beautiful, logical religion and we should be able to practice it without putting ourselves into isolation from the rest of society. yes, there are differences between a muslim and a person of another faith, but so what, it doesn't give us the leave to ignore our social responsibilities to the countries we live in and should be/are proud to be citizens of.

this is where i admire the jewish population- their community is very strong, very united, and always positive about their heritage and their religion. the two are woven so tightly together, and yet, they are also citizens of north america and proud of it. they do what they can to promote their community as active citizens of north america.
i think as muslims from south asia, we should strive for the same unity in religion and culture. too often we are torn between being pakistani and being north american, and we mix up culture and religion, and are convinced that we need to do things separately so that we don't "become" gora. talk about losing the plot entirely!

i'm a bit rambly right now, sorry. its late but this is a very interesting topic so i had to throw in my two cents.

added: as for crying in class- thats an entirely human emotion. it doesn't make you apologetic or weak.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

Emotionally weak and confused people cry over something they had no control over, no understanding, nothing to do with.

Yes, death and destruction does make one sad... it should, its suppose to, we are humans, after all but crying, as an apologetic signal to your classmates is kinda lame and no Muslim should be doing.

I get sad when villages backhome are destroyed you know... very sad.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

^ Like I said, it wasn't apologetic. It was actually a sense of real loss that I was feeling (I also had a friend who had not been found and we were losing hope -- it was later assumed she died in the towers). I was in a place where I was comfortable, and my emotions and thoughts were in turmoil. So I cried.

Me too, about the villages. But you make it sound like it's okay to be sad about a Pakistani village and not an American city. And I think that's problematic.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

^ why are you assuming she was apologizing for anything?? she felt bad about what had happened to fellow human beings in the country she calls home- she had every right to cry and express her sorrow.

i'm not sure where you live, jaan_leva, but i'm assuming its not pakistan from your "back home" comment- so are you saying you don't feel anything for the country you reside in? no sense of loyalty? no responsibility to contribute to a better society? no responsibilities as a Muslim, specifically, to talk about what Islam is, why you believe in it, what makes you a Muslim, etc.?

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

Ladies, why are you getting all sensitive and upset for? We are just having some produtive and positive exchange of opinions, right? It is okay to disagree, no fatwas please.

Read what I said...

[QUOTE]
Yes, death and destruction does make one sad... it should, its suppose to, we are humans, after all but crying, as an apologetic signal to your classmates is kinda lame and no Muslim should be doing.

I get sad when villages backhome are destroyed you know... very sad.
[/QUOTE]
I acknowledge sadness on both sides so quit complaining. This thread makes it sound like no Muslim is productive, positive nor s/he a GOOD member of the society. As if no Muslim was ever or is being raised as a productive/positive/progressive person... get real.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

That wasn't the intent at all; I'm afraid I wasn't clear enough. It actually doesn't have to be about Muslims, but since that's what I'm interested in, that's where I focused it. It's mainly just to point out the fact that despite the fact that many of us ARE good, productive members of society, and are parents, there are still young men and women who somehow get lost along the way -- seemingly with an upbringing that should have avoided that. I know it's oversimplifying since I don't know the individual circumstances of each person, but it's just a question. For all the experienced parents out there, what do you do to help your child become productive and positive.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

How to raise a productive and positive kid who's not apologetic neither radical?

By keeping them away from the news channels because there aren't much positive stuff about the muslims in the media....

And also by going back to our roots, going back to Traditional Islamic manners and values.

Take charge of their moral and religious education yourself.... teach them what is acceptable and whats prohibited in Islam and why. Teach them to be proud of the fact that they are muslims and what a beautiful religion Islam is. Teach them to love their country and the people around them.... teach them that hating anyone is not acceptable... Islam does not teach hate. If you prefer them going to the mosque/Islmaic centre for Islamic education, go with them.... observe whats being taught and who your child is interacting with. A lot of times, its the people children interact with who are radicals and out on a hunt for recruits.... they brainwash kids with radical thoughts and emotional discussions.
And above all, just be a loving flexible parent, dont be too rigid. :)

Teach them to constantly seek self-improvement and to reflect on their own actions rather than being overly preoccupied with what everyone else is doing wrong or believes wrongly.

Self-control before social control.

Re: How to raise a productive and positive member of society

some great tips in this thread. :k: