My friend asked me what the best method to avoid jealousy is…
I said dont look at what others have but look at what you have that others dont have.
What do you say…
I'm still waiting for a reply dearies!!
Deary, this is "religion" section, what do you want ? Are you seeking dua/supplication which would stop you from jealousy?
Is a good question.
How can one stop themselves from being jealous?
It's hard not to be jealous.
Seems always that other people have an easier life than ones own. No money problems..always good food on the table...shop to you drop...
But.....
I think maybe the way to spite jealousy is to be grateful for the good things you have in your life. Cherish your family and the caring people around you. And if you have no caring people around you, cherish life.
Take a walk in a park and cherish the sounds you hear.
Your friends sure ask a lot of questions. I must say it's very nice of you to post on their behalf, if it was me then I would tell them where to go. But i guess you're just nice like that.
Re: How to prevent/ avoid jealousy??
"I said dont look at what others have but look at what you have that others dont have."(quote)
Well you're kind of right. Except you should look at those who have nothing. You'll see in comparison that when you think you are lacking in something, you're taking for granted what you do have. Sure this could be a religious issue, but I think it's also just a matter of personal happiness. Jealousy is something that fills you up with bitter and angry feelings. Why would you want to feel that? It's all a matter of perception, to realize what blessings you have been given in life (material or otherwise). I think our society is too materialistic and everyone's trying to 'keep up with the joneses'. We keep accumulating all this stuff to LOOK IMPORTANT and then one day you die of a heart attack. And all you can say about your life is that you had a closet full of designer clothes that could have fed a whole tribe in Africa for a year.
What I'm trying to say is that you feel jealous if you give importance to the object of desire. But if you don't desire it, then it doesn't have that power over you. It's a matter of perception. You appreciate the IMPORTANT things in life.
I wrote a whole post on this then deleted it. I will send you a portion of what I initially wrote, through PM. Some steps people can take, similar to what I have done and continue to do when I feel its necessary.
BV, there are many types of jealousy. Jealousy over other people's finer material possessions is simply called envy. I can't say I've ever felt jealous of anyone else's material belongings although of course I do notice the finer items (million $ homes, expensive cars, etc.) that some of my parents' family friends possess. However ultimately, it's how secure I feel about myself that counts. I always think to myself...hmm well this stuff is absolutely magnificent, no question about it, and through hard work and dedication I will possess it too one day insh'allah. Now on the other side of the coin (and not to sound like a snob), there are a handful of girls my age in the community that make envious remarks about my clothing, jewelry, accessories, etc. but do I care? The way I see it, I have earned every penny with which I buy the expensive things I own, and if anyone has an issue with that, it is their own insecurity.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
I wrote a whole post on this then deleted it. I will send you a portion of what I initially wrote, through PM. Some steps people can take, similar to what I have done and continue to do when I feel its necessary.
[/QUOTE]
can i get that pm too? :(
That reminds me of when my daughter was younger my mil would constantly say, "Hiyyy, nazaar na lugjiy." She was so worried about the 'envious eye' of other people in her community that she had me do prayers all the time especially in moments where I LOOKED AT MY DAUGHTER WITH EXTREME LOVE. She said even a mother's love can be nazaar. I never completely understood that. I've never been particularly interested in material things probably because I'm quite comfortable in myself and my life. I think contentment comes from inside not things you own. So it could be that a certain insecurity drives some people to feel jealous of others because something is missing inside of them.
I know some people who grew up with not much in Pakistan. Now they're literally dripping with diamonds but still feel a need to show everyone that they're just fabulous and stylish. There is a fear inside of them that they need to prove their worth and importance to everyone especially themselves. I think that may be the root of some jealousies.
Saima, the second statement above is very true because indeed, contentment lies in your state of mind and not in tangible/material possessions. However re: the first statement, whether you’re comfy with yourself or not has no connection to you owning or wanting to possess material things. By what you’re saying, because I am a materialistic person I am uncomfortable with myself, which happens to be untrue. I desire material wealth not because I’m uncomfortable in my own skin but because I simply just do. No reason. And again, the way I see it is not through eyes of jealousy or envy towards those that do own expensive things but with the mindset that heck, whoever has them earned them and deserve to have them as can anyone else if they made the effort. That is my thinking on this. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with simplicity and not wanting anything more than you have in the here and now but at the same token, there is also nothing wrong with wanting and striving for more and trying to “make it happen”.
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*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
By what you're saying, because I am a materialistic person I am uncomfortable with myself, which happens to be untrue. I desire material wealth not because I'm uncomfortable in my own skin but because I simply just do.
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Sweetpie, I wasn't saying anything specifically about you but recalling an example of some people I know. I do believe that there is an insecurity in THEM that causes them to feel that they must 'prove their importance to others' through their material posessions. I also however know many people who are very confident and happy people and they happen to drive Mercedes and live in a million dollar house. But it's not a big deal to them. It's just their standard of living. I also agree that you work for what you have and you deserve the fruits of your labor. And everyone has different goals and hopes for their lives. In my husbands hospital there are surgeons who operate to make money and then there are those who operate to help people. Many sacrifice their time and efforts with Doctors without Borders. Life is all a matter of perspective. Personally I think that your hard work and efforts should best be spent in giving to those who need help. But it doesn't mean you have to live like Buddha and give up your palace in order to achieve Nirvana. You can be very content in yourself and live like a Queen/King.
^Exactly. You know, my ex-fiance, who was a physician doing residency specializing in eye surgery, was very idealistic in the belief that he wanted to travel to disadvantaged places like Africa and Cambodia to cure poor people who couldn't afford proper eyecare, of ailments such as cataract, blindness, weak eyesight, etc. Once in a while I would tease him in good fun about how he could live like a hermit like that for the rest of his life but at the end of the day, that is where his heart was and that is what made him happy and content, regardless of the positive factors associated with it such as possibly acquiring worldwide recognition and respect for his efforts. I admire that kind of dedication and drive quite alot because even though the person may not want to be in the profession they are in to make money for wealth's sake, own fancy homes and cars, throw lavish parties, take annual cruises and trips all over the world, etc., at least the person has the active spirit to dedicate himself/herself to something that gives his/her life meaning as opposed to contributing nothing whatsoever of value to society.
An inspiring story that I must share has to do with the company I work at currently. The owner of this food service distribution company came from Italy some 55 years ago, an uneducated man with hardly any cash in pocket and no family to support him here, bought himself a beatup truck and started making food deliveries to local customers like pizzerias, delis, sandwich shops, etc. Now, 48 years into owning his own business, he has a fleet of 200 company-owned trucks that distribute a line of over 2,000 food and food-related products nationwide, has a company with 600 employees, makes $250 million in revenues and is known quite well in the Italian wholesale food service business. The old man still has an accent, still comes into work daily believe it or not, and is respected immensely for building this successful company from scratch. His two sons who run the place are not 1/10th as business savvy or even as polite and humble as he is, given their background.
Once again though, it really all depends on a given situation. A person may be insecure and want to show off every little thing they own in order to feel superior but it may also have to do with having that feeling of accomplishment because of effort, drive, motivation, and labor. I can cite many an example where my parents' family friends live lavishly and are good, decent, moderate muslims who generously give to the community and masjid as well. However, there are stories of uppity, dripping-with-wealth type of Pakistani families who do nothing but try to do the one-upmanship dance in their community as far as who has more money, number of homes, better cars, more jewels, etc. They drink alcohol, mess around outside of marriage, and on and on it goes. There is alot of that out there as well believe it or not, and I absolutely have no respect for people like that because it almost makes you question what it is that they're trying to prove to themselves. Such insecurity really deserves no excuse.
Re: Re: How to prevent/ avoid jealousy??
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by saimanyc: *
"I said dont look at what others have but look at what you have that others dont have."(quote)
Well you're kind of right. Except you should look at those who have nothing. You'll see in comparison that when you think you are lacking in something, you're taking for granted what you do have. Sure this could be a religious issue, but I think it's also just a matter of personal happiness. Jealousy is something that fills you up with bitter and angry feelings. Why would you want to feel that? It's all a matter of perception, to realize what blessings you have been given in life (material or otherwise). I think our society is too materialistic and everyone's trying to 'keep up with the joneses'. We keep accumulating all this stuff to LOOK IMPORTANT and then one day you die of a heart attack. And all you can say about your life is that you had a closet full of designer clothes that could have fed a whole tribe in Africa for a year.
What I'm trying to say is that you feel jealous if you give importance to the object of desire. But if you don't desire it, then it doesn't have that power over you. It's a matter of perception. You appreciate the IMPORTANT things in life.
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Of all the posts. I think Sam is right. Excuse my nickname for ya.
I think its impossible to avoid jealousy! Jealousy a symptom of insecurity.
^I agree that it is impossible to totally avoid jealousy. All in all, everyone experiences jealousy to some extent. It is a part of humanity to feel such emotion among the many others we are bestowed to feel as humans. Babies feel jealousy when not being held all the time, children feel jealousy over other children’s toys, and so similarly, adults feel jeaoulsy too because someone else has more money, better so and so, etc. and the list goes on and on. I think what’s important is for adults to reach a point where they realize that petty jealousies are unattractive and reek of bigtime insecurity. If they covet someone else’s material possessions, they should attempt as much as possible to try to acquire similar goods with their own effort. I don’t believe in feeling guilty in what you possess now because it may be more and even much more, by some standards, than what God has given others but you should always strive for more for a sense of achievement if that is a priority in life.