A colleague introduced him to her. There is a good feeling about him but she since she know him for a month only would like to take her own time, but the guy is in hurry to marry.
She is asking it to be done in two stages, first family must complete it investigations before she would make her own decision.
The Problem is we are not sure how to do investigation on this, there are few obvious issues:-
We are urdu speaking Karachiteis based oversea, they are Karachi based Punjab Urban (we do not know anything beyond Lahore and Qasoor connection).
Would cultural difference be an issue?
Both are working for same company, he is in Karachi and she one of the far east location, but like her to become full time home maker thus losing her financial freedom/security.
He is not interested moving oversea at least for first few years.
We are financially more established then his side.
We do have serious reservation on her to becoming housewife immediately after marrying, but do not rule out she would do so few years down the line depending on family situation.
So far I like the person, managed to get some common referrals in his old work place, beyond that i am hopelessly lost what to do next. Or if this indeed a good match?
Beyond that check out his schooling etc. I am sure that some common names would crop up somewhere, go from there to hack into personal friends etc. Pakistan is a small place, everyone knows everyone to a particular extent. You just need to find some common ground somewhere.
I asked someone to do Istikhara on this, result seems to be Ok, but one need to do some home work as well.
It would not be big issue to find out about him at his work place as have few good contacts at his previous work place.
But i am not getting any info about his family, apart from what he or his father told me.
And the biggest question, should she secrify her career to marry this guy, knowing that she would need to compromise on her living standard, as well as losing her chance of getting at managerial position at a blue chip MNC (she is already performing that role informally)
^ at the end of the day she will need to compromise on her job for whatever reason - children etc. There is a timeline to when she can get married in Pakistani society generally. Beyond which her chances are slim and rishtas get few and far between, also their quality deteriorates. Living standard changes no matter who you matter, whether for the better or the worse. What is more important is getting to know them. If you have a few good contacts at previous workplace, then surely some of those contacts would know him personally. Or know someone who knows him personally. Tap into that and go from there.
The biggest question apparently is the silliest. Its her life, her proposal, her living standard, her career, her preference. Why do you want a bunch of strangers to tell you how to control her life? She is a big girl, and at a managerial position at a blue chip (this is probably the 20th time I have read this here), I am quite sure she knows what her preferences are and what she wants to do with her life. Just give her the choices and let her decide.As for the background checks, like you said if you know people from his old work place, that should not be a problem.
The biggest question apparently is the silliest. Its her life, her proposal, her living standard, her career, her preference. Why do you want a bunch of strangers to tell you how to control her life? She is a big girl, and at a managerial position at a blue chip (this is probably the 20th time I have read this here), I am quite sure she knows what her preferences are and what she wants to do with her life. Just give her the choices and let her decide.As for the background checks, like you said if you know people from his old work place, that should not be a problem.
First of all just tell me how many of 25 years old manages a small region with Microsoft or IBM?
She know that she is given unique opportunity and doing very well with, she need to make best out of it, as she might not get this again. So moving on now would be greater loss in term of career progression.
She seems to like the guy although not willing to admit, but instead of calling shot herself leaving on us to make a decision (I am sure if she do not like the guy would be more straight forward).
There is no problem finding about the guy (One of my ex colleague has recommended him on linkedin), it is the family background where i am getting blank.
I have difficult choice not to miss a good prospect, without destroying her career.
In any case, talk to the girl well before if she would be leaving her job and becoming a house maker, as per your words, or would like to continue her career. It would be quite a mess up if families finalize things and then the question of her career pops in.
Moreso than any cultural difference, you need to consider the lifestyle difference of moving from one more economically stable household to a lesser stable one. The girl in question needs to be given a very realistic view of their lifestyle before she makes a decision. That will affect her more day to day than anything else really. Things she considers normal might be considered a luxury in that house. That needs to be looked into. As for financial independance, if her family is so well off they can fix some amount to her name, just between her and her family, so that till she feels secure in her new household, she has that in the back of her mind and feels secure enough.
inshallah if all goes well, she won't need that backup.
^ at the end of the day she will need to compromise on her job for whatever reason - children etc. There is a timeline to when she can get married in Pakistani society generally. Beyond which her chances are slim and rishtas get few and far between, also their quality deteriorates.
agree
The biggest question apparently is the silliest. Its her life, her proposal, her living standard, her career, her preference. Why do you want a bunch of strangers to tell you how to control her life? She is a big girl, and at a managerial position at a blue chip (this is probably the 20th time I have read this here), I am quite sure she knows what her preferences are and what she wants to do with her life. Just give her the choices and let her decide.As for the background checks, like you said if you know people from his old work place, that should not be a problem.
Based on your personally biased comments related to rishta, if I were to give an opinion, I would say do not go ahead *with this rishta. *
And the biggest question, should she secrify her career to marry this guy, knowing that she would need to compromise on her living standard, as well as losing her chance of getting at managerial position at a blue chip MNC (she is already performing that role informally)
If she wants career and financial freedom , then the decision is no-brainer. Pakistan must have at least a few hundred thousand eligible bachelors who would be willing to let her do what she wants from her life.
A colleague introduced him to her. There is a good feeling about him but she since she know him for a month only would like to take her own time, but the guy is in hurry to marry.
She is asking it to be done in two stages, first family must complete it investigations before she would make her own decision.
The Problem is we are not sure how to do investigation on this, there are few obvious issues:-
We are urdu speaking Karachiteis based oversea, they are Karachi based Punjab Urban (we do not know anything beyond Lahore and Qasoor connection).
Would cultural difference be an issue?
Both are working for same company, he is in Karachi and she one of the far east location, but like her to become full time home maker thus losing her financial freedom/security.
He is not interested moving oversea at least for first few years.
We are financially more established then his side.
We do have serious reservation on her to becoming housewife immediately after marrying, but do not rule out she would do so few years down the line depending on family situation.
So far I like the person, managed to get some common referrals in his old work place, beyond that i am hopelessly lost what to do next. Or if this indeed a good match?
Any suggestion would be highly appreciated.
from what i have read, you live in singapore . well , you and i both know that the pakistani community here is too smal with hardly any boys (forget abt gd sharif boys). girls are finding it hard to find a rishta. so why not give this a chance. there MAY be cultural differences due to him being punjabi, but well, at least he lives in karachi.... the girl will have to sacrifice. i say give this rishta a chance. 25 yr is a gd pakki umar.
