Re: How to make parents accept
I have been sending long text messages to my father to explain him the situation in a delicate way. His response was that I should think of the family’s respect and we should all wait for a better rishta that is from the same caste.
What I find ironic is that my father said that he doesn’t care whether the guy is sunni or wahabi (which really matters for my sister cuz she wants someone who is sunni) and my fathers says that since prophet Muhammad (saw) made us one ummah he doesn’t want to differentiate between people. In the next moment he says that he cant accept ANY rishta that is from a caste lower than his. That’s double standards!!!
Apparently my father met the guy’s brothers at a wedding a week ago and the guy’s brothers didn’t bother to say salam to my dad which has offended him a lot. He says that this shows their level of respect and he cant marry his daughter into a family that cant even say salam. I don’t know why they didn’t say salam but the parents and the guys himself weren’t there…
When I spoke to my sister, she says that she doesn’t care about their views and she will fight for this despite my parents’ threat about disowning her and not being there at her wedding. They say that none of the other siblings will attend the wedding either as they also believe in the case things (that’s all 3 married siblings besides me and my husband. They are all married to cousins from villages from Paksitan and are influenced by their mentality). There is absolutely noone my parents listen to! Other than our eldest sister but she is usually the one strengthening their weird points of view anyways and I expect no help from her at all. She preaches so much about Islam and even teaches the girls at the mosque but when it comes to her behaviour and attitude she is so far from what she preaches about!! She even helped my parents to force marry me 10 years ago!!! My luck, that I got out of that marriage despite all the harsh things said and done to me!!!
Anyways, was speaking of my youngest sis..she has done istikhara and is positive. She says that its gonna happen if Allah wills…my problem is that I keep thinking about this issue..and have been thinking about this issue for the past weeks…I cant fall asleep at night and this is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I am 5 months pregnant and need to cool down and think about my baby!!!instead I am focused on family problems!!! My back is killing me these days and I wonder whether there is a connection between this stress and the pains!!!
I really don’t know how to support my sister as my parents are not willing to listen and have started to look for other rishtas in their caste and my sister isn’t willing to give up on this…in my case I was very focused on finding a husband sharing my values and mindset but who was of same zaat so I didn’t have to fight with my parents again after fighting for divorce for several years after the forced nikkah!! My luck that I met that kind of a guy but my sis says that there are not many guys that are of her type and she isn’t willing to move abroad like I did so she is insisting
My parents are not speaking to her these days unless they ask her about where she is going, if she has eaten etc..but not much other than that…..