without making them opinionated about other people.
Re: How to instill your values in children
yarr love them.
They will adopt every thing you are all about.
Re: How to instill your values in children
And stop worrying, I know you will be fine.
Re: How to instill your values in children
I dont really understand the question Icon...
I mean, you teach your kids to have respect for others and treat them kindly. You teach them right from wrong and teach them to stay away from peers who misbehave but you dont need to go further than that, you know what I mean? They will see early on that they get positive responses when they behave and negative reponses when they;re naughty. Most kids prefer the positive reponses.
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Re: How to instill your values in children
I mean "cultural values" that are uniqe in every culture in addition to universal values that you mentioned.
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Re: How to instill your values in children
Exposure to culture and telling them that this is our family values will do the job.What kind of culture pakistani culture? I think when they will seee you doing those things and or other relatives they will learn.Icon bhaii you are fine.
Re: How to instill your values in children
Ahh. Actually, I've been going thru the same thing. Luckily, there is this lovely egyptian mom with a son in my son's kindergarten class. She is ONE classy lady, her 10 year old girl wears really cool scarves, mom observes Hijaab and her son gave a little talk about Ramadan and Eid last week to his class, will explain very nicely to his classmates about "halaal" and "haraam" etc. I told her I'd like to sit and chat with her, we just havent gotten together yet. But this lady has it all down pat so very nicely. Her kids are living perfectly Islaamically and fitting in perfectly with those who are not. After I chat with her I'll either post back or pm you.
Re: How to instill your values in children
the best way will be to do it yourself first and then ur kids will just follow you!
i hate to see little girls in hijaabs and stuff..wiith mommies who dont wear hijaab themselves..its like you are forcing your child to the right thing when you dont even do it yourself
Re: How to instill your values in children
Just a side note...one day, the "question of the day" for the kindergarten class was "Do you have a pet?" The kids each get a turn to talk about it. The little Muslim boy said that he has a cat because a cat is halaal. And in Islaam, it is haraam or forbidden to have a dog as a pet. And that some Muslims have a dog but it is to serve a purpose like guard dog etc etc. And that while he would enjoy having a dog as a pet, he just cannot because it is against the rules of his religion. All the other kids were like "ah, I see". This little boy has no qualms about who and what he is or what he and his family beleive in yet he has total understanding that others may be different and thats ok for them.
Re: How to instill your values in children
^Thats quite an acheivement. Salutes to her Mom.
Re: How to instill your values in children
Yeah, tell me about it! I cant wait to chat with her!!
Its a really tough thing. I mean although the advice above is so very sound, it doesnt always work that well. Like if your little girl is wearing a scarf and gets teased about it, the outcome completely depends on how sure of herself she is, how able she is to defend herself and deflect the bullying. The mom I mentioned raised her kids so perfectly that her little little kids help others understand cultural differences and have been able to fend off any and all bullying. And they have been instrumental in spreading knowledge about Islaam to the elementary school kids without being judgemental of those who are not. Just an amazing family.
Re: How to instill your values in children
My daughter is 6 years old and she understands everything.Last year I had a powerpoint presentation in her class about ramadaan and pilgrimage.The kids were very interesting and they knew everything.Because her teacher had told them about different religions.And when I went into class I asked them question they knew everything.
On this eid I was busy so I am thinking of doing presentation on EID_ul_ADHA. She also know what to eat in cafeteria and when someone gives her choclate or something she comes to me and if it is approved by me then she eats.About wearing scarf I told her already but since she is 6 years old so I told her she will wearing scarf when she will be 10.Her teacher was asking me is she going to veil also but I said no Scarf will be fine. Since teacher was nice and she told children about different cultures and religions so I didn't have problem in Kindergartin.But lets see how it goes in Grade 1 because I only told her teacher about the food part and now I have a meeting with her teacher next week and I hope she understands what I am gonna disscuss with her.
One good thing was whenever she goes to cafeteria she told the lady that I can only eat vegeterian and her teacher she was jewish totally understand what I was saying so she told me don't worry I won't let her eat anything.I think it depends on teacher sometimes too because if they are nice they appreciate different cultures in class so children don't make fun of other children.
The main thing is if your children understand the concept that they are different from others its easy for them not to feel guilty for themselves and have fun with others knowing their limits.
Re: How to instill your values in children
i have a question for you, why won't you give your daughter the choice of wearing a scarf or not? i mean, what if she's older, like in her teens, and decides this is not for her- i mean, that she is religious and all that but feels that she'd rather not do the headscarf thing. wouldn't it be more of a decision if she made it on her own rather than being told she HAD to?
no offence meant, i'm just curious and don't really have any close friends who do hijaab and have kids and are making that choice that i could ask instead :)
Re: How to instill your values in children
For me as I have heard that not scarf specifically but covering head is mandotary in Islam and there is no option like if you like.Its like you are praying and its Farz so covering head is necessary.I will give her option that its her choice how she will cover herself but there is not option for not covering.I don't force anyone to cover head but for my family I will try my best if they can listen to me.
Re: How to instill your values in children
you know how orthodox jewish women wear wigs to cover their heads, would you let your daughter do that?
Re: How to instill your values in children
........by practicing what you preach.
children learn by watching...they learn by imitation. You yourself have to have good values....and then they will follow inshAllah.
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Re: How to instill your values in children
^agreed.
also, i was talking to a parent last night, and she told me the number one thing is consistency- you practice your values, keep your promises, and are an over-all, well-adjusted, happy person consistently, and your kids will realize consistency pays and stability is a good thing.
oy vey. i'm so not ready for kids! :P
Re: How to instill your values in children
you know how orthodox jewish women wear wigs to cover their heads, would you let your daughter do that?
Wig is haraam also well I am wearing scarf and most probably she will follow me.:)You yourself agreed kids follow their parents.I have to be role model for her.
Re: How to instill your values in children
As other posters said most children will emulate what they are exposed to by their parents and others. It doesn't have to be a constant stream of "this is the way that we do things because we are muslim and they are kaffir", just a simple explanation such as good people are always truthful, or muslims don't eat pork. Not everything must be or should be tied to a religious explanation, a simple "that is not how a nice person behaves" is sufficient when scolding, or "Allah doesn't like that behavior". Parents of kids who make nasty comments about other religions or races do so because they pick up those attitudes from the parents. It is simple enough to impart your own values without denigrating those of anyone around you. If you are proud of your faith and don't make apologies for what you believe, your kids will follow suit.
I am always surprised when I hear stories of kids being bullied at school, and I think that a lot of this has to do with their home environment. My kids have always had close non-muslim friends, and those friends have always come to our homes, some have become like my own children. There is an understanding that they have different beliefs, but it has never been a big deal. My daughters friends always beg for lenghas and bangles when we go to Pakistan, and some have even been to the mosque with us (along with their parents)
I believe that parents who have children who are ostracized at school for being muslim or Pakistani are usually the same ones who never let their kids have non-muslim friends over, don't let them associate with non-muslims, and go on and on about "kaffirs". The blame falls squarely on the parents, and the kids suffer as a result.
As for hijab, I have to disagree with a previous poster. I have never required my children to wear hijab outside of the home, aside from Islamic school, but my oldest daughter requested on her own. She has seen my and many of my friends proudly wearing hijab, and I knew that it was natural that she would eventually want to emulate that. Forcing the issue before a girl is ready usually backfires and results in rebellion.
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Re: How to instill your values in children
^So I am not gonna force into her until she will understand thats why I am not putting her in difficult situations that she has to wear.When I will see she will be ready Inshallah then I will tell her to wear hijaab. And who is saying antthing about other religions,thats why I am going into her class and telling them about different cultures and religions. And if we want others to respect our religion then we have to show respect towards their religion and culture also.Thats how it goes.I have american friends too and my daughter is also friends with american girls because there is not much desi community here.And yes they are pretty good friends because we respect them and they respect us.