Growing up my parents never encouraged us to take up any extra curricular activities like sports or debate teams or anything like cheerleading or music… some of us got into that stuff on our own because of our interest in a particular activity or on the insistence of our friends. I realize that our parents didnt really push us to go out there and make ourselves known and to speak publically and all that. I sometimes do wish they had though.
When I was really young I had stage fright and I couldnt speak in front of a classroom let alone a big audience if my life depended on it. One of my friends wanted to join the chorus and insisted that I join with her otherwise she wouldnt do it alone. She was a good friend of mine and I didnt wanna let her down, so I joined. I was a nervous wreck but with time I became comfortable in my own skin and was confident enough to not just talk, but SING in front of people. I dunno if I wouldve ever overcome that if it werent for her.
I have a little brother, 9 years old. And he takes after me. TERRIFIED of public speaking. Its come to my attention that whenever he has a class presentation or speech or something along those lines, he’s always “sick” and misses school. It’s happened enough times to be noticed as a constant pattern. He’s a very smart little boy with a lot of good ideas to share, and I would LOVE for him to speak up and share his knowledge with others, but how do I first get him to open up a little and have that self esteem?
I dont want him to grow older and look back with regrets on what he could’ve done or accomplished but couldnt because of his shyness or lack of confidence. I sometimes look back and regret not having been more sure of myself and having run for that student council back in the 3rd grade, but ahh welll
During my childhood, I had kids of all ages around me - this helped with my social skills, how to solve conflicts, share things, compromise - understand life isn't always fair. All these elements help increase a person's confidence and helps them form a stronger sense of self. All of us kids played together, explored things and honestly I never felt lonely or bored - best and most important thing for a child. Yeah, we got into tons of trouble, fights, ended up with minor injuries but it was all worth it.
I have also noticed a big difference between people who come from larger families (4+ siblings) and smaller families. During high school, I noticed that the person who was the biggest follower/needy was an only child. He was least enthusiastic about going home after school, always wanting to be out-and-about, generally less likely to stand up for what he wants, etc. etc. Usually kids and parents try to subsititute these holes with material things, which is a whole new disaster on its own.
SU, your reply is so insightful! And I agree with all you said....to add more...
Kids really need to know that their parents are proud of them. WHen they do something good, even if its a small thing, TELL them how proud you are. And make sure they hear it from BOTH parents.
I posted a while back about middle son...he was being a follower andd it became troublesome. He also was reluctant to try new things. I tell him all the time how proud I am of him when he does nice work, when he's kind to someone who needs kindness, when he learned to ride his bike without training wheels. But I stepped back and had a chat with him...I asked him if he knows how proud I am of him and he said yes. Then I asked him if he knows how proud daddy is of him and he said "no, daddys not proud of me". My heart just broke. And so did my hubby's. Hubby is kind of a military-type, doesnt show much affection etc. So once I told him about middle son, things turned around. Like magic.
Kids need to know that their parents love them and are proud of them.
urgh .. i had the same problem, i really hated speaking in public or presenting projects in school etc. But now when i am in highschool, i have to lots nd lots of presentations and stuff which makes me used to it nd i am not as nervous anymore! so its all about practice as others here have said!
my sister and i are really confident, and i think a lot of it is because my mom always encourages us to talk. like even when we were little kids, my mom would mute the tv just to listen to our dumb anecdote about a ladybug or something. even when we used to ask questions like "where is the bird that dropped the baby in your tummy", she wouldn't get mad, she would just listen. i think a part of being shy is afraid of being judged, so if you're judged in your home environment, you think everyone is like that.
another thing is to let your kids make mistakes for themselves. it sounds counterintuitive, but if you're always doing your kids' homework, hovering around the play structure, interfering in all their kiddie fights, criticizing them, etc. they don't develop their sense of self-competence.
btw, my family couldn't afford extracurriculars, so while it may improve some cases, it isn't a definite cure. our grandparents didn't have anything like sports or music classes, but i'm sure all of them weren't shy :)
