Re: how to help my mother?
You don’t need to give your relatives an explanation. But if you feel you MUST respond to them:
When they say things like “New clothes everyday” (sounds like a jealous comment), you can respond calmly by saying:
“My husband/father knows how the money is being spent and he’s okay with it. In fact, he encouraged us to buy as many clothes as we need since we don’t come often and the quality/price is better in Pak.” LMAO…that’s like a smack-in-yo-face comment.
And when they say that “You must have hurt or upset someone and that’s why there is illness in your family”…you can respond with:
“So when you or your family member gets ill…is it because you did something rotten to someone?” (Throw their question right back at them and see them go speechless and squirm) And you have to ask the question with that fake innocence that they ask it with, LOL.
“Illnesses can also be a test from Allah. And trials tribulations (mussebatain) are also Allah’s way of bringing the person closer to Him.” See…that’s a more positive way of answering them.
The comments that your relos are making…seem to stem from jealousy/spite. Loving relatives don’t say things like that. And well…loving relatives are a rarity, lol. I don’t like more than half of mine. But your mom needs to be more strong because that’s life. She can’t control what relos/people in Pakistan or elsewhere are going to say. She does, however, have a lot of control over how she reacts to them. It’s not very often that you go to Pakistan…you paid a lot of money for your tickets…so you enjoy your time there. Don’t let some jaahil relatives take that away from you…cuz you can’t change them. Your mom needs to be more confident and develop a thicker skin. We’ve dealt with relos in Pak who will return a gift you give them simply because they didn’t like it. Chit like this happens…you just move on with your life. People who make such comments thrive on seeing you upset…that’s why they such things in the first place…which is why you show them that you’re not ruffled by their idiocy. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
thankyou rv for your reply
she sounds so uneducated lol but shes not we come from an educated family but shes just so anxious it makes her irrational!
i understand what you are saying completely and will try and explain this to her however what can i say to her in the short term…she called me about 30 mins ago very depressed and anxious and i dont think i was very helpful and she cut the convo short and just hung up…she is very worried that ‘ab log kya kahengey’ aur ‘laug ki nazar to nahi lagi ge’ etc