How to have beatuful and healthy baby?

[Mezhgan]

Re: How to have beatuful and healthy baby?

@redvelvet

I started thinking about this thread…from an angle different from before. I think before I would have maybe rushed to censure the OP, but not now. Should she be scolded for desiring a beautiful child? I don’t think so anymore. But there are some things she needs to consider and I’ll get to that later.

I believe that every mother wishes for a beautiful child. It is of course not the only wish. She also wishes for a healthy child, a naik child, etc. But beautiful/cute/attractive child is also among the wishes…and it’s a very, very, very natural…very innate desire within all of us…and for those who are going to deny it…are kidding themselves. That said, I don’t think that a parent should be chided/scolded for having such a wish…as it is only natural…but it becomes a problem when the parent becomes consumed by that and thus risks hurting the child’s self-esteem.

When my sister was born, my dad said to my mom… Shukar hai is ki aankhain meri tarha bari hain. A gori coworker said that she didn’t find dark eyes as attractive as lighter ones and hoped that her baby doesn’t inherit the darker eyes of her Hispanic husband. We all have our preferences in terms if skin coloring, hair color and texture, features, etc etc.

It is not even a Desi thing. It’s a human being thing…this innate desire to want the best for your child in every single regard…be it superficial or substantial. I find it odd if a woman were to say …bas mera bacha sehat-mand ho …aur kuch nahi chahiye mujhay. Err…that is just a fleeting sentiment that “aur kuch nahi chahiye”…because at some point you will desire more for your child. You want your child to be intelligent, to do well in school, to be naik, to be successful, to be confident, etc etc. This desire for your child to have/be everything…is a reflection of love.

Now if somebody is going to argue that she holds contempt for her husband and in-laws darker coloring…we can’t really say that. She married the guy and is having his child, so must not be THAT bothered by it. But she has a preference in terms if coloring…and that’s okay…I don’t think it’s shameful.

BUT…What OP needs to understand though is that she doesn’t gave much control over the child’s looks. And she should refrain from criticizing the child’s looks because it’s damaging to self esteem. Nor should she she ket the preference consume her to the point that she feels ashamed/self-conscious…and, that too, of what cannot be controlled.

So, OP…agar tumhara bacha gora chitta nahi bhi nikla…you should accept and love him/her the way they are. Apnay bachay ko shakal/surat/naak/naqsha…in cheezon pe kabhi kamter feel mat karwaana…kyun k is pe na tumhara na bachay ka koi ikhtyar hai…aur bachay k confidence pe asar hoga. And waqt k saath bachay ki shakal badalti rehti hai. Also, there are no “totkay” that you can follow to make your child khubsurat. I have read that Rasool SAWS advised eating melon to have a child of goid disposition. I do not know how authentic or strong the hadith is. Just relax and pray for the best for your child and family.

RV, I agree that most parents wish for the best for their children in all aspects, including appearance. However, that is not what the posters are criticising. What most posters find appalling is the OP’s preoccupation with the child’s appearance and the fact that she seems to place beauty above having a healthy child. At the beginning of this thread, several posters gave the OP some rather good advice, such as taking prenatal vitamins, drinking milk, getting plenty of calcium, maintaining a healthy diet and other advice that would help with a healthy pregnancy and having a healthy child. She simply glossed it over with something like “oh, I don’t want that kind of advice you are giving me, I want to know how to achieve what I am asking,” indicating that she is more concerned with the child’s appearance (ie. having a fair child with coloured eyes) than the child’s health and that is what most people on this thread find atrocious and are criticising her for.

That being said, we cannot be sure that this is how the OP feels in reality as we cannot read her thoughts and cannot know everything that is going through her mind. However, the manner in which she expressed herself in her initial post and glibly went on to dismiss the health advice given to her by other posters indicates that it is.