How to handle this???

[PyariCgudia]

@tipusulatn

I am wondering how to handle this situation regarding my daughter.

I brought her up in such as way, my morning starts with her program of the days, evening also make sure adjust my timing according to her schedule. So we leave and return home together.

As we are actively looking for a good Rishta for her, two weeks ago a friend of my son from Canada moved and MBA student here for a semester as exchange student. He stayed at my place before moving to his arranged residence.

I found the guy is good, initially she also entertained him (I took as a sign of some interest) and good and educated family back ground.

I seek my son’s opinion, he does not like the idea , the **reason is the guy it too much on academic **and seems does not want to leave university to build a career. This is the reason after having GMAT score more then 750 he **decided to do his MBA at a University which is not as prestigious but does not requires work experience, and now considering an offer for Phd. **

Another issue, due to her brought up she is not someone who comfortable going on dates, probably she might not be sure about him as well. Now **this guy started calling her **(he joined her for her yoga classes may want her to spend some time afterward but she politely declined explaining that I would be coming to pick her up after Yoga session).

In fact she started avoiding him, telling me he is CHIPKU, on my side I am also very not sure about the guys intentions, as he is here for a semester as transfer student, one never know if is looking for her as seriously or someone to “pass the time”.

As long as I am concern, though I am open to it (subject to further investigation) I would not (I think no Pakistani father) encourage her to go on date with him, but if he is interested **he should approach through normal process through parent **

I would appreciate input on this issue.

some points, from the perspective of a woman who is also looking around for a rishtaa.

1. As far as his education and job aspirations go, you’re not getting a bad deal at all. He is getting educated, he is going to have a job, hopefully. What is wrong with a phd??? What is wrong with being an academic??? That’s just friggin crazy. Are you wanting her to marry a human being or marry a job title?

2. You spend way too much time with her. Let her be a little free, and maybe she’ll meet more people.

3. He’s calling her. That’s what I call a MAN. He’s a keeper.

4. You have a point - he could be a frequent flier and just comes in and out of girl’s lives. But you don’t know that, you’re just assuming because he’s on some temporary stay for education. That could just be part of the student experience, you know. I doubt he planned to travel for education just so that he could get laid. If he was looking for booty, he probably would not have stayed at your house, he probably would not do that with a friend’s sister, and he probably would do that with some anonymous girl as oppose to someone whose family he knows and stayed with. Besides, he’s just asking to spend some time with her.

5. Dating can be viewed as Islamically wrong, I guess. But you’re clearly interested in him as a prospect, so why not invite him over for dinner and let the two of them hang out or something…or encourage her to feel like its OK to want to talk to him. It could be she’s just letting you know she thinks he is a CHIPKU, so you don’t think she’s got anything dirty on her mind. I do that all the time with my dad. If he so much as sees a guy and starts talking about him at home, he will look at me, and without even thinking I have this kneejerk response of saying something negative about the guy. It’s not like I don’t have any interest. I just have this kneejerk reaction to emphasize to my dad that I’m not going to be a “bad girl” and go after men, although, looking for a mate is not wrong at all. I guess by admitting you have a neeed to be married, I feel sometimes that screams out “I’m a desperate whore”. I guess that’s just how our desi culture tries to train us to think anything sexual or anything romantic is just BAD and EVIL and from SHAITAAN.

I dunno. Wacky theory, I guess.