How to handle this???

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I am wondering how to handle this situation regarding my daughter.

I brought her up in such as way, my morning starts with her program of the days, evening also make sure adjust my timing according to her schedule. So we leave and return home together.

As we are actively looking for a good Rishta for her, two weeks ago a friend of my son from Canada moved and MBA student here for a semester as exchange student. He stayed at my place before moving to his arranged residence.

I found the guy is good, initially she also entertained him (I took as a sign of some interest) and good and educated family back ground.

I seek my son’s opinion, he does not like the idea , the reason is the guy it too much on academic and seems does not want to leave university to build a career. This is the reason after having GMAT score more then 750 he decided to do his MBA at a University which is not as prestigious but does not requires work experience, and now considering an offer for Phd.

Another issue, due to her brought up she is not someone who comfortable going on dates, probably she might not be sure about him as well. Now this guy started calling her (he joined her for her yoga classes may want her to spend some time afterward but she politely declined explaining that I would be coming to pick her up after Yoga session).

In fact she started avoiding him, telling me he is CHIPKU, on my side I am also very not sure about the guys intentions, as he is here for a semester as transfer student, one never know if is looking for her as seriously or someone to “pass the time”.

As long as I am concern, though I am open to it (subject to further investigation) I would not (I think no Pakistani father) encourage her to go on date with him, but if he is interested he should approach through normal process through parent

I would appreciate input on this issue.

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Re: How to handle this???

im a 22 yr old gurl n if my dad was writting all this i would ask my dad to back off a lil n be alil less desperate abt getting me married..its not imp tht every guy who walks in thru ur doors has to potentially "the one"...keep it cool daddy!

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3

I think you right...

But the problem is this there are not much Pakistanis boys here. Where i or she would find her mr right???

Finding back home is not possible, as most (not all) of them are visa seeker or gold diggers. There is a girl married to gay from Pakistan, and now after two years he has no job (even no desire to work) enjoying at home at wife's expenses.

I really want to back off he she has pool of eligibles from there she could choose.

4

Re: How to handle this???

where do u live tipusultan? as in what part of the world

5

Singapore, here there are many young Pakistani couples but not many with grown up children.

May be my youngest one would not have this problem, but currently we do have an issue here.

6

Re: How to handle this???

a few points

1- going to the less prestigious school because it does not require work experience could be done for numerous reasons, including

a- need to start a career quicker. I know people will say well you can work a few years and then go to Masters either by taking a break or by going part time, however it can be disruptive especially if someone has family commitments, this way they can get done straight shot and then start working

b- it does have an impact on rishta prospects for guys, let me break it down, dude finishes college at 22, works 3 years ..so is 25, goes to a 2 year MBA programme, uses savings to pay for fees and licing expenses....and top schools can be very expensive..is 27 when he is out..and burnt through much of savings paying for school..now..to get stable it takes a little bit of time..

c- same situation, someone graduates at 22, works a few years ..starts an MBA program part time at 25, in rishta scenarios a basic question is what does a guy do, and how educated is he. in some cases if he does not have a masters in hand already, its seen as oh thats not good

in above scenarios, add more years to undergrad finishing date if the person has had to pay their own way, guys graduate at 24, 25 even..

3- PhD is a career, people go in research, they go in teaching, there is a shortage of business profs and they can make very good money just from salaries, consult on the side, etc etc.

3- as far as them meeting, its a non starter as an issue if your daughter does not like the guy anyways, so dont waste your energy on it

4- in future if there is a situation where there is some guy..there are options between the polar opposites of dating dating..and rishta process..group outings, small group events.. all of friends/cousins etc i did not mean group outing with phuppa and khala etc :)

7

aah i do recall u mentioning that in another blog

venture out a little..

there are a lot of aussie pakistanis who go to singapore for work.. who have relatives back here in Australia who are of marriagable stage... just build some contacts i guess..

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Re: How to handle this???

i read the first couple of sentences n thought ur daughter was 5-10 years old.

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Re: How to handle this???

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Re: How to handle this???

^ i dont think he meant it as such....

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Re: How to handle this???

^ well it surely came out as such. Anyways who am i to say or judge. More power to the people.

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Re: How to handle this???

sorry tipu uncle. that was kinda wrong to say. i edited my post, app bhi kar lein.

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LMAO!!!!!!!!

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15

I read the first couple of sentences and thought the writer might be 5-10 years old, so don't feel too bad.

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some points, from the perspective of a woman who is also looking around for a rishtaa.

  1. As far as his education and job aspirations go, you’re not getting a bad deal at all. He is getting educated, he is going to have a job, hopefully. What is wrong with a phd??? What is wrong with being an academic??? That’s just friggin crazy. Are you wanting her to marry a human being or marry a job title?

  2. You spend way too much time with her. Let her be a little free, and maybe she’ll meet more people.

  3. He’s calling her. That’s what I call a MAN. He’s a keeper.

  4. You have a point - he could be a frequent flier and just comes in and out of girl’s lives. But you don’t know that, you’re just assuming because he’s on some temporary stay for education. That could just be part of the student experience, you know. I doubt he planned to travel for education just so that he could get laid. If he was looking for booty, he probably would not have stayed at your house, he probably would not do that with a friend’s sister, and he probably would do that with some anonymous girl as oppose to someone whose family he knows and stayed with. Besides, he’s just asking to spend some time with her.

  5. Dating can be viewed as Islamically wrong, I guess. But you’re clearly interested in him as a prospect, so why not invite him over for dinner and let the two of them hang out or something…or encourage her to feel like its OK to want to talk to him. It could be she’s just letting you know she thinks he is a CHIPKU, so you don’t think she’s got anything dirty on her mind. I do that all the time with my dad. If he so much as sees a guy and starts talking about him at home, he will look at me, and without even thinking I have this kneejerk response of saying something negative about the guy. It’s not like I don’t have any interest. I just have this kneejerk reaction to emphasize to my dad that I’m not going to be a “bad girl” and go after men, although, looking for a mate is not wrong at all. I guess by admitting you have a neeed to be married, I feel sometimes that screams out “I’m a desperate whore”. I guess that’s just how our desi culture tries to train us to think anything sexual or anything romantic is just BAD and EVIL and from SHAITAAN. :rolleyes:

I dunno. Wacky theory, I guess.

Law and order and govt's role
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Re: How to handle this???

Here we go again! :smack:

Law and order and govt's role
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Dont force yourself to make a decision or to compromise on the first guy that walks your way just because there are not enough Pakistanis around. She better marries an Egyptian Muslim than a Pakistani whom she cannot connect with

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I agree with you on this one.

1.I have no problem with his educational aspiration, this what commented by my son and someone else, just want to hear others prospective.

  1. She is very homely person except hanging out with her few females friends or going her class reunion there is not much things she do outside.

  2. Agree with you that he is here for education, on other side if he has habit of seeking girls then, my son certainly would have mentioned. But I need to make sure he since he is here for another few months only it would always remain.

  3. Islam actually allow man and women to see each others (may not be in the manner of dating today) before decide to marry. And I am not so worried about her CHIPKU comments.

Lets see how thing goes.

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Re: How to handle this???

Mr.Tipu

I think your daughter is right in calling him a CHIPKU. If I was at her place I would have called him the same.

Stay Cool. Don't press so much on finding a good rishta for your daughter. When her destiny has it her mr.right will automatically come her way. I mean don't just start looking at each and every pakistani guy you come accross as a future damad. My family was very eager to get me married and most of the times it used to upset me , just don't put pressure on your daughter don't make her feel that you're too worried to get her married. Hasty decisions are not good.

As far as singapore is concerned true not many young unmarried pakistani guys can be found there. I have also lived there. But Singapore does attract alot of foriegn workers including pakistanis. Just have faith things will happen Insha Allah.