Can anyone who is more experienced help me. I am really going through tough stage of my life. My relation with my husband has become terrible. He always doubts me , doubts at my sincerity. I have 2 kids who are entering teen age and our house had never been disturbed to this extent ever. He works out of town but makes sure that he keeps bothering me over phone. He looks for a reason to fight and whenever he gets one then it’s days & days of verbal torture over phone & through texts. He works out of town & always when angry tells that he’s not gonna find job in same city . I have tried everything, tried chatting with him when he’s in good mood about his behaviours. Every time he promises this is last time and will never happen again. I feel helpless, being a mom of growing kids I have no choice other than to bear torture. It feels like soon I will become severe depression patient. There are no elderly people in our family whom I can talk to. Please advise
Re: How to handle a troubling husband
I am very sorry that you are going through this. I’m afraid my advice would be too drastic: leave the marriage, perhaps even temporary and if things don’t work out, divorce.
If you decide to stay with him, and in many cases that is the only choice because of our society, then perhaps you can ask an elderly person to help, someone who knows you both and whom your husband respects too. f you can’t make him stop, somebody will have to talk to him. But be careful with this one too. Sometimes bringing in someone else, makes things worse.
If nothing helps, I guess you will have to find ways to block his abuse out. And enjoy your time away from him. The moments he isn’t there, are yours. Make your mind strong enough to hear his abuse, and somehow let it slide. Perhaps you can change your behavior, be less nice and when he asks why, tell him that he never keeps his promises to stop abusing you. Until he doesn’t stop, you won’t change your behavior. Again, this could make things worse too.
As we don’t know him, it is difficult to tell what would make things worse en what exactly would help. You are the better judge of that.
Re: How to handle a troubling husband
I don’t have older kids but have you noticed his behavior changing or has he always been like this? Did it start after a particular fight or incident or did he just start misbehaving with you one day? There has to be more to the story…not doubting you but looking for reasons. Without knowing the problem, there can’t be a solution.
Re: How to handle a troubling husband
If he is rude to you, don’t feed him
Re: How to handle a troubling husband
You say you’ve tried everything. What about waterboarding?
Re: How to handle a troubling husband
I’m sorry about my last comment, I was stressed out at the time of its writing.
Here are some possible reasons behind your husband’s outbursts:
1- Since he lives in another city. May be he feels that he is losing control over his family and more and more decisions are made without him. You may be managing things on your own so well and subconsciously that may be sending out a message that you don’t need him. I know it sounds silly on your husband’s part but I’ve seen such resentment in guys who live away for work.
2- Another possible reason behind your husband’s erratic behaviour could be his health issues. I know someone who works in the airline industry and spends lots of time away from family. Lack of healthy meals and exercise due to constant travel has taken its toll on his health and he has become very irritable.
3- Or perhaps its work stress. Unfortunately jobs are getting tougher. Organizations are hiring 1 person to replace 3. It drives employees insane after a few years doing such a job. Or he could be doing multiple jobs or overtime. I had a very good friend from college who started working 2 full time jobs plus some overtime. It made him so irritable that he always tried to find faults with others. At one time we among friends were just discussing why the cricket team lost and he became so angry that all the friends were surprised.
4- Last but not the least possible reason could be some other woman or just those thoughts.