Zash01,
Children are supposed to be parents' top priority. And unfortunately, that was not the case in your situation. Your parents instead gave their business deal higher priority over YOU and YOUR WELL-BEING and HAPPINESS. And that was wrong of them.
I understand that its not healthy to keep grudges and especially toward the people that brought you into this world. Have you ever heard the saying, "Forgive, BUT don't FORGET?" Allah Miyan saved you from having to marry and live with a guy who is not good for you. Your parents might have had their own selfish intentions for a prosperous business deal.....BUT ALHUMDOLILLAH, Allah did not allow your parents' plans to become successful. So, Zash, forgive your parents for Allah's sake.But don't forget what happened......otherwise how will you be able to learn a lesson from your parents' mistakes? And the lessons you should learn are that:
1) Don't repeat the same mistakes that they made
2) Now that you have learned that your parents did not communicate with you openly and sincerely about a previous rishta.........THEN in the future you need to stand up for yourself. If the next rishta turns out to be incompatible, then have the courage to stand up for yourself and your life........if your parents have failto do so. God forbid, **if your parents weren't with you.....you'd have to make life's decisions **by yourself.
Take this bad experience and turn it into a LEARNING EXPERIENCE that has made you stronger and wiser. In my opinion that's a way to get over the negative feelings you are going through.
And the next time that your parents come up with an incompatible rishta that they BELIEVE is IN YOUR BEST INTEREST BECAUSE IT WAS CHOSEN BY ELDERS......... PLEASE remind your parents about their PREVIOUS DREADFUL MISTAKE!
**
Have you spoken to your parents about what happened? Have you tried sitting down and telling them how
1)** they pressured you into a match that was a business deal **
2)** they knew that the match was incompatible and complained about the guy, yet they did *NOTHING **to prevent it. *
3)** How everytime you tried to communicate your feelings about the rishta, you were prevented by the emotional blackmail of your mom hitting herself and the wall.
Try telling your parents how emotionally painful this whole situation is for you. Tell them how you feel. Tell them that next time, your input about a rishta needs to be taken into SERIOUS consideration without body/wall hitting **because you have **NO DESIRE **to go through the whole **drama again. I'm not saying that you should be rude to your parents. But sit down and talk to them **NICELY **about what you have been through and tell that what you expect for the future.
Parents can be good at emotional blackmail, courtesy of Indian movies! But trust me, most parents are not gonna DISOWN you if you go against their wishes. It's your basic Islamic right to find a spouse to your liking. And according to Islamic law, a nikkah is not valid unless the couple gives their mutual consent. I once read that a man came to the Prophet SAWS and complained that his daughter does not want to marry the man he has chosen for her and would rather marry someone else. And the Prophet SAWS told him (THE FATHER) to let his daughter marry the man of her choice instead of forcing her. I think sometimes parents wrongfully twist the **OBEY/RESPECT THY MOTHER AND FATHER command **to their advantage.
The last thing I'm going to say is that YOUR PARENTS CAN PRESSURE YOU AS MUCH AS THEY WANT WITH ALL THE EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL IN THE WORLD.......BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY................IT IS YOUR DECISION/CONSENT that determines everything. SO if you end up marrying a LOSER...........then keep in mind that YOU were the one who gave the consent........and you can't blame your parents for that......because regardless of all their pressure...........you always had the option to be equally stubborn, put your foot down and say NO!