hi.
if a father , a depressed and ill man, finally broke in anger and did a very shameful act out of anger to show how much he felt begairaat…and did the very shameful act of removing his trouser infront of his daughters… how can you forgive and forget.All respect is lost. the father daughter relationship has been insulted. how will the girls ever be able to see eye to eye with their father they loved sooo much. it was their pride.their best friend.their everyth
ing. he has been extremely ill for past few years and many family issues has made him fall into a loneliness and depression. he was head of family doing everything for his family but never felt any respect back and beeing a man who would kill for izzaat he has gone that far in his gussa. why? why he did that. where is izaat now.
He is ill . he needs his daughter as the wife isnt a good partner. why he did that? will allah ever forgive him?
what is the islamic responsabilty of the girls. should they still care for him? should they be spiteful. should they put him.in more shame by repeating him what he did ? please guide these sisters in an islamic way. one of the sister is crying non stop. she cant beleive her dad did that. the elder has been dealing it with anger. please help and advice what they should do. they want to hate him but they dont want to be the reason of a heart attack or him doing harm to himself or even a worst shameful act in madness.
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
The daughter should behave normal with their farther, no matter what he is their farther and has gone through many sacrifices and trials to get his daughters to the stage where they are today. You mention he is ill and depressed that in very self should tell the daughters that the act that been committed was done through being unwell and having mental pressure where the mind is no in full control. They should forget the matter and move on along as the father understands and apologies for his mistake.
In Islam it is encouraged to forgive others and respect ones parents. Therefore with this in light they should forgive and forget.
Lastly, Allah says in the Quran that after every hardship there is ease and there is good in something even if you cannot see it. No doubt Allah has allowed such incident to occur for a better good, wether that be a way of the farther understanding his mistaking and amending his ways to the daughters learning something positive from this incident. Only time will tell! Surely Allah’s promise and words are true. Also I think its wrong to question Allah. Allah has allowed this happen for good reason even if you may not see it so don’t question is planning!
I hope that helps.
In terms of Islamic view point of forgivness. See this link it explains in detail
It's a very sensitive matter that you are trying to discuss in s very vague manner. Without knowing the context of that event, I am not sure if anyone can give you a right advice.
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
thank you so much for your wise words. she isnt questionning Allah but i was because this girl respect for her father has been an inspirations for me. she has always guided me to listen and respect the parents. today when i saw her trying to take her life ... i felt so bad and questionned why this happened to uncle who is such a lovely honest man and to my friend who is so dutylful.
any duas ? what if the dad never apologized..or should she let him repend on his own . he does not pray. she used to pray for him . for his izaat. for forgiveness of her dad lack of religious inclination..
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
It's a very sensitive matter that you are trying to discuss in s very vague manner. Without knowing the context of that event, I am not sure if anyone can give you a right advice.
i would not be able to give full detiails as i wasnt there. But i do know my friend father has been in depression due to his wife whom he feels isnt a good partner and he feels that now that he is ill..the kids and wife do watever they want and let him alone like a piece of furniture in the house. this uncle was always active father doing everything for his wife and daughters. like a friend . they have had clashes and he used to say he has become begairaat for hos family likeness. the fight that actually led to this was random she says.. but he blew up very badly.
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
It's unfortunate thing to happen but remember he is also a human and often wives/children forget the emotional side of husband/father. Our society demands a man to be rock solid but deep down they are as fragile as women and can break down easily, just like a dam who held water for long but suddenly breaks up.
The guy needs affection and care from his family. You mentioned in original post that the daughters love him, he was their pride yet later you mention that they leave him alone like a piece of furniture in the house.
Loneliness leads to depression and in depression people even commit suicides. So I'm not surprised that he acted that way, no one is perfect.
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
Honestly the man sounds ill. Whenever someone starts acting out of character the family should look into both physical and mental causes of the illness. Just because some illness are not visible that doesn't mean they don't exist.
If the man had dementia would his daughters judge him for walking around half naked? Then they should see him as an ill man. Allah can give people cancer so why can't Allah give someone a mental illness. And remember if he's truly not in his sense especially at that time then Allah lifts the pen on those who are mentally ill.
Yes, it'll be difficult to convince themselves and the person in question that a grown man who seems lucid most of the time needs to see a doctor but he does. Whether he just needs therapy or medication is what a trained professional can tell you.
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
He is sick and he did something which he would never do if he was well.
Islam has rules for dealing with insane people and their insanity.
He should be helped in getting treatment for depression. If someone goes insane in the family do you kick them out or do you help them overcome their insanity?
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
i dont get the "how much he felt beghairat" part. what are you trying to say, OP je?
hnn not sure how to explain..but in their culture when they feel bizati they say .meri shalwar uthari :(. so my friend says he used to say that before too..that the family made him begairaat and i assume it was his way of saying i give up.
he isnt mentally ill but very lonely because he lacks the love and care of wife. he feels that now that he is ill.. he is seen as useless whereas he was head of all decision ..
i do understand my friend because i know for a fact she cared way too much abt her dad and the fact that her father did not even consider her feeling n her presence hurt her because she is trying her best to comfort him always.
iam in their house a lot. this man is so good at heart. he can be traditional and too much into pride and i guess thats what broke him. that the wife and sister isnt considering him as much now.
i hope the best for this family. it breaks my heart. i known him for soo long now
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
It's unfortunate thing to happen but remember he is also a human and often wives/children forget the emotional side of husband/father. Our society demands a man to be rock solid but deep down they are as fragile as women and can break down easily, just like a dam who held water for long but suddenly breaks up.
The guy needs affection and care from his family. You mentioned in original post that the daughters love him, he was their pride yet later you mention that they leave him alone like a piece of furniture in the house.
Loneliness leads to depression and in depression people even commit suicides. So I'm not surprised that he acted that way, no one is perfect.
the fact that he feels as an extra piece of furniture was something he told me last time i saw him. he was sad and depressed. not happy with life with allah ..with how his family turned. he always had extremely high expectations from his daughter and although the daughters are nit doing anything majorly wrong...he feels he failed as a father
Re: how to forgive and forget shameful act of father
hi.
if a father , a depressed and ill man, finally broke in anger and did a very shameful act out of anger to show how much he felt begairaat...and did the very shameful act of removing his trouser infront of his daughters... how can you forgive and forget.All respect is lost. the father daughter relationship has been insulted. how will the girls ever be able to see eye to eye with their father they loved sooo much. it was their pride.their best friend.their everyth
ing. he has been extremely ill for past few years and many family issues has made him fall into a loneliness and depression. he was head of family doing everything for his family but never felt any respect back and beeing a man who would kill for izzaat he has gone that far in his gussa. why? why he did that. where is izaat now.
He is ill . he needs his daughter as the wife isnt a good partner. why he did that? will allah ever forgive him?
what is the islamic responsabilty of the girls. should they still care for him? should they be spiteful. should they put him.in more shame by repeating him what he did ? please guide these sisters in an islamic way. one of the sister is crying non stop. she cant beleive her dad did that. the elder has been dealing it with anger. please help and advice what they should do. they want to hate him but they dont want to be the reason of a heart attack or him doing harm to himself or even a worst shameful act in madness.
why did allah allow such a thing to happen :(
As you mentioned that the father is ill and needs to be taken care off.
a. They still think positive that he has done this due to his depression. It is commonly noticed that people who become dependent on other due to illness or loss of limbs become very sensitive and can burst suddenly. He should be shown to psychiatrist, as additional treatment is needed to overcome his anger / depression.
b. I am failed to understand that why a daughter wants to remind his father that what he has done. Its more shamfull then what he has done earlier. Mother is the best person to talk but in this case not sure if that will help.
In my view the issue should not be discussed unless the person repeat this act again. As for the question " will allah ever forgive him?" Leave that to allah.
