How to divorce a crazy wife?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Those adult guys that want to marry, keep a wife, make a family but can not provide a home to the wife & the future children actually are not suitable marriage candidates because they need to attain 'mental' maturity of a 'grown up man' which gives them natural 'instinct' of a 'grown up man' to provide their wife/future children a "HOME" to make a family. Those guys who do not have that instinct the of the 'grown up adult man' that makes them look at that necessity as the most important requirement to make a family must NOT marry & ruin lives of not only the girl they marry but their future children also.

Even those men who have attained that mental maturity to know that the basic thing required is a home to keep a wife, make a family but still do not have the means to provide must also NOT marry & ruin lives.

There are men that never reach that mental maturity of providing these basics but still go on a series of "wedding haul" (one wife after another) due to that mental IMMATURITY of an adult grown man still in them despite having the means must not marry & ruin so many lives. Similarly, the men without the means to provide that basic necessity also must not marry. Else you cannot avoid issues like these once married.

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22

If someone much larger and more powerful constantly remorselessly abuses you, would your response be to Oh!!! It’s Ramzan, make duaa, do Tahajudd. 2 year old is a helpless person, more than someone promoting themselves on basis of religion, this little person is in need of protection. Should abuse be allowed to continue untill self-reflection, duaa, Roza have been tried?

Abuse should be stopped instantly. If it was a one off, the person showed deep true remorse, promised this will never happen again then maybe there is a slight case of patching things up. However his efforts to protect the child are met with threats of false allegations against him.

I know you don’t have any real life experience, however when there are threats of false allegations, child abuse involved. There is no redemption.

23

I wouldn’t provide you with a dog house let alone allowing you inside my premises. Apni kismut banana khud seekhein, relying on a man to provide is nothing but delusional on your part. Because hey, “Betiyan/Biwiyan tou apni kismut/naseeb khud laati hain”

But then again, if I had the means to even, I wouldn’t let you in purely because of the stink you bring in with you

24

What a sarak py bhonkta haraami pagal kutta that keeps barking on people for no reason. Whatever dreams you are dreaming must be the result of all the filth your wife feeding you.

I responded to the thread initiator's issue about his wife & all those females that are, for any personal reasons, dependent on men for their needs or "agree" to depend on a "man" & end up marrying a "homeless" man to themselves become homeless too. That is Pakistani culture. Parents give away their daughters without looking at important factors. The girls living comfortably in their parents house all of a sudden become house-less incase of a mismatch such as this. Just because parents are pressured into marrying girls so they overlook matters of importance that more than anything, an adult man looking to marry needs to own a house in order to keep/make the family that he would be making after marriage.

Wrote facts & reality certain girls have to face after marriage with a mismatch. Was neither speaking about myself nor my life story nor had any intention to make the readers assume it was about me because what I stated is not about me. Not asked or asking anyone for a house for myself, kuttay k bacchay, so stop barking on females you see online just because you know nothing better.

Tumko females pr bonkny ka kaafi experience hai. But I'm neither your daughter nor sister nor mother so muj pr bonkny ki zarurat nahi. No need to drag me in your personal house matters. Not interested one bit.

25

Sarak pe bhonkta kutta. Jo ke paagal bhi hai aur haraami bhi. Pehle tou shukriya itni saari izzut dene ka. Dusra sawal yeh uthta jub sub jaanti hou tou phir kyun majbur kur rahi hou ke main tumhe koi khaas khitaab de hi dun?

I don’t think there is anything in my way that could prevent me from calling you out for the “heera mandi ki paidawar waali soch” that you clearly be keeping. Zehen nasheen rukhein urdu ka bhai pe kuch khaas sa haath hai. Bahut ganda bhi karunga aur phir zarurat pari tou nanga bhi kar dunga, or you could simply just keep the insults/abuse directed at me only. Up to yousss.

Waisay tumhari Mariyam Nawaz bhi tum jaisi hi nikli aakhir, apne driver ke saath hum-bistri kur li aur tumhare naa paak aur behuda shakal jaisa bara saa pregnant pait nikaal liya. It took her only four months post-marriage to come up with a daughter. I’m guessing you will take 2 at most?

All said and done, who is my wife though?​

26

Heera mandi k paydaaishi sbhi females ko apni maa, behan, beti ki trha he dikhti hn kyun k uss sy zyada unki oqaat nahi hoti kisi izzatdaar females ko dekha ho. Tau khud ki nazr ka gund unko hr female mn nazr ata hai. Tumhari language & every new post khud tumko "nanga" krti not anyone else. Majboori duur ki baat hai, tum pr took bhi nahi rahi mai. It is you who repeatedly keeps quoting my posts & addressing me when I am not even addressing you, responding to you or even read your posts despite all the previous warning not to address or respond to my posts. All the titles I have given you are out of majboori because you drag me into your personal house matters with your own mother, sister or daughter & I am totally not interested so stop dragging me.

& the fact you choose last ashura of Ramadan to throw your filth at other females leaves no doubt that you are a kafir not a muslim. Only a kafir could disrespect Ramadan by attacking strange females for no reason. Tum jese heera mandi ki paydaaish ko apni qabron ki fikr hoti bhi nahi k Ramadan ka khayal ho. Itna shoq ho raha hai khoon k aansu ronay ka tau ja k apni maa, behan, beti ko nanga kro. Sirf jahannami today hn khoon k aansu. Tum ronay waalay ho... along with those on whose behalf you keep attacking me. Mark my word.

I do not belong to the jahannum you call your household so stop dragging me in. Itna baysharam koi musalman nahi ho skta jo strange females ko baghyr kisi waja k attack kry jo uspr thook bhi nahi rahi. mujecapni aakhrat azeez hai so I leave you to keep making your own self "nanga" with your words despite your desperate attempts to engage me in it upon orders from the GOD you worship - SATAN. I surely am not at the receiving end of your "nangi language". It will be females of your own house. FO

27

​Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

Don’t use urdu just for the sake of using it, please. Think of it as my second mother.

28

I wish there were moderators on this forum who would just ban the offenders for couple of months.

29

Well, that derailed pretty quickly.

Keeping with the current flow of things here, bas ElmaJohn ki kasar baqi rehti hai.

30

Well the only reason why I’m even contemplating divorce is that I cannot stay with her for my mental sake. She continues to thrash my daughter verbally and physically and she’s only 2 and a half years old. If my parents intervene and tell her to calm down she starts fighting with them. She picks on the tiniest mistakes my daughter makes and then makes a huge deal. This is simply not the behavior I can tolerate. I need to look out for my own mental sake. She gets mad when my daughter refuses to eat and she tells her “I’ll bury you in the grave if you don’t eat this”. I told her multiple times to not take the child eating seriously. Children are fussy eaters when they’re young. She’s only two and a half years old. She’s not malnutrition, she’s not sick. Why then do you make such a huge deal about her not eating. She gets on her period and this is the time that I feel most of the fights arguments start. She gets agitated and takes her anger out on my daughter. If my daughter makes a mistake, she’ll squeeze her cheeks really hard making her cry. After that when my daughter gets agitated and angry and starts throwing thing, she’ll slap her and make her angrier even more. That’s when my parents will intervene ands he’ll say “She’s my daughter I’ve given birth to her, I can do whatever I like”. I’ve reached out to my in laws and they’ve responded “You’re an american, you have an american mentality, in Pakistan we beat kids.” and that is the most disgusting response I could’ve received from a human being. I’ve asked her multiple times to go to her parents house and leave me and that we should get a divorce but she doesn’t and I repeat DOES NOT want to leave me. I don’t understand why she’s acting like this. I always take care of her needs, I make sure never to raise my voice at her. I make sure that we never even fight in the room. When she gets mad I try to console her and try to calm her down. But this is taking a huge told on my mental ability. I’ve started losing hair. I can’t focus on my job. I have a job offer and I’m so mentally distraught that I can’t even work on my resume… She sucks all the life out of me. I feel as if my whole body is litt up every time she’s arguing and fighting.

The only other option for me is to get another apartment and leave her alone one day and just move and not tell her. I can’t deal with this, I’ve never had this before and Im starting to have suicidal thoughts because I can’t make her understand or understand why she does this…

31

Haven't read through the entire thread but based on post #55:

It looks like your wife has a lot of built-in anger inside of her. And it doesn't just happen overnight. There is a lot more to the story that you perhaps are unaware of, or just not acknowledging here. She may be going through hormonal issues and depression. Either way, it is your responsibility to set the foundation for her emotional stability. You need to be her support system.

You're understandably stressed out by the drama but a little bit of empathy goes a long way. Why don't you step into her shoes and really visualize what her day is like and what she puts up with on a daily basis?

There are things that build up overtime leading to an outburst. There seems to be unresolved conflict among her and other adults. Her anger is a result of other bigger issues, but she's projecting it towards her daughter because with children there are no consequences, and they are readily available. It seems to me that your wife is just as unhappy as you are but divorce isn't a feasible option for her.

You provided insight on her actions and interactions with your daughter, but you failed to list any works of service she does throughout the day.

  1. Does she cook for you? Your family? How do you contribute to your household chores? It is not easy having toddlers with very little help.
  2. Does she have a life besides being a housewife/mother? Does she have friends and a social circle around her? What does she do in her free time? Does she HAVE free time?
  3. Do your parents only intervene to comment on how she's doing as a mother, or do they actually take on some of the child caretaking responsibilities from your wife? Redundant question because... how would you know.
  4. Is it possible your wife has a workload that she cannot handle? Is she being pushed beyond her capacity and has a hard time balancing her role as a mother, wife and a daughter in law?
  5. What are you doing to bond with your daughter? I understand you're heavily invested at work but what are some ways you help around the house and make things easier for your wife after you finish criticizing her parenting style?
  6. When your wife is mistreating the little one, how do you react? Do you serve as an audience, and a critic and pick more fights over it? Or do you actually pacify the situation by stepping it up to the plate and supporting your wife? For example: Wife is angry at daughter for not eating. Step it up as a father and start playfully reinforcing what the other parent is saying. Start with tickles, make your daughter laugh if she's upset at your wife's reaction, and then say "like mommy said we need to eat. Let's have 5 bites, and then daddy will take you xyz". You need to fill in the gaps where your wife is lacking. Welcome to Matrimony and Co-parenting 101. Remember, you are on the same team. Do not immediately belittle your wife though she may be wrong. Be the bigger person. Don't do the finger-pointing. Tackle the situation tactfully and make it easier for you, your wife and your daughter. Find a later time to discuss her parenting style when your wife is in a better mood. Please do not criticize her in front of your family or hers. If you privately express your genuine concerns at another time, the outcome may be a positive one. But if you go around chatting nonsense about your wife to your parents and your wife's parents, things will only further deteriorate.
  7. How was your wife prior to marrying you? If she's acting like a different person, the problem maybe you and the environment you are providing her. If she's away from her home country, then she may be homesick and missing her parents/social circle. We have different coping mechanisms.
  8. Does your wife feel appreciated and cared for, emotionally? Are you meeting her physical, financial, emotional needs? Re-think this question. A Man's perspective is very different from a woman's. IT is possible you're doing well in one aspect, while overlooking other aspects. Are you emotionally available or are you the guy that comes back from work, eats and watches TV, talks to his parents, sleeps, repeat? I honestly think there is something lacking from your end and you need to do some intrapersonal digging inside yourself to save your marriage.

I am not advocating her behavior towards the child, but I perceive this to be a reaction from deeper underlying issues in this marriage. From what I'm seeing, you could perhaps start being a more active father and appreciating your wife via words of affirmation, kindness and emotional support. Appreciate things she does for you. Give her closure on things where you went wrong instead of gaslighting her. Be empathetic and patient.

Good men are forbearing, emotionally available, and ready to take on additional responsibilities while the miserable ones are busy critiquing their wives at both marital and parental levels.
You need to put your family before YOURSELF for a change. The most masculine thing a man can do is provide for his family physically and emotionally. Be there for them instead of trying to run away. Try to work on yourself and bond more at an emotional level, before calling it quits. At least that way you'd know you gave it your best. Marriage is hard work, and if you plan to remarry it'll be the same workload. Better to work with what you have.

32

P.S
Next time please don’t use “crazy wife” as a title. If this is how you describe her behind her back, I rather not imagine how you treat her in the presence of your family or in private. :mad:

If I had a penny for each time a man called a woman “crazy” for seeing through his BS and being reactive. Never gets old. :blush:

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33

[QUOTE]
Cashmere, just a small question:

You think any normal man, muslim or not, could discuss his wife's 'periods' with public ? Koi sharm, koi haya ? Does that alone not show how much 'respect' he has for his wife ?

The title gives away hints on his own mental state. A man publically discussing his wife & her periods is not even a man, let alone a 'normal' man. And that leads to your point number 8. The wife clearly overly 'aggressive' & she's taking that aggression out on the kid. That hints at his inability to keep her 'calm'. Happy couples are not so 'aggressive' to brutally hit their own child. If his wife wants to save her marriage then she should start fasting.â
[/QUOTE]

Good lord, why am I not surprised?

First and foremost: it is news to me that he's married with a 2.5 year old. I had assumed him to still be in the dating phase. All of us did. The past few years consisted of him asking for advice on how to deal with crones, hags and other harpies desperate for his attention. Some manipulated him, others signed him up for Saviour Syndrome, while the rest stalked and spammed his WhatsApp. All the while he failed to establish boundaries and re-direct his loyalties to where they are most deserved --> crazy wife.

Below is the timeline as documented by @Bakra24 's threads:

Daughter is 2.5 now = Daughter born around December 2020 = Wife pregnant 2020 = He was married 2019 or earlier.

Meanwhile in 2017: Found asking about wife's sexual life prior to marriage while simultaneously and disgracefully elaborating upon intimate details of wife's body. Absolutely loathsome.

Late 2017: Found openly admitting to casual sexual encounters with a girl playing two guys at once. One of them is Mr. Goatly

Late 2018: Another girl unable to forget an ex and playing our lad

Late 2018: Ex messaging after 2 months of breakup. Our guy doesn't know whether to ignore or respond.

Late 2018: Ex texting again. Mr Goats is unsure and is at wits end. 100% of GS recommended not responding. All silent readers shook their heads 'no'.

2019: What a dilemma! Another harpy reaching out, but this time our buddy responded with a heartfelt reply. 100% of GS recommended blocking her.

Mid 2019: Random texts on WhatsApp. Imagine his wife coming across these texts?

Late 2019: Involved once again, upset the girl didn't disclose her 3-year-long relationship.

2021: Has a daughter by now and wife in postpartum---> Mr. Goatly makes no mention of such but prioritizes another lady's khula/divorce in NYC. Imagine the wife finding her husband with an undeviating history of easily falling in love, now engaged in social work helping other women get divorced.

~2 years of no mentions related to daughter and wife.

2023: labelling wife as crazy.

Any woman with a set of eyeballs would be highly disappointed in this man, regardless of her mental acuity. We cannot and will not blame the miserable wife. If he's out here openly disgracing her, I can't imagine what he does in real life.

Giving a lousy baboon the advice to "record [the] wife" is equivalent to handing a pair of scissors to a two-year-old. How do we know he's not trapped in another one of those "unknown WhatsApp" messages, blinding him towards any good in his wife?

Apne medusa slippers utaar loon, iskeh sar pe marun 10 or geenun 1.

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34

Wow, thanks for sharing all the history. I did not care to check. I wish there was a way for the parents to check the hidden character (like this one) of any man asking for their girl. knowing all that you have shared now would have given them some insight on how much respectful he would be towards their girl when that is how he discussed her / her body details publicly prior to marrying her. TBH, that’s so disturbing. A public forum is read by men too who are obviously strangers to a wife-to-be. Infact, I am against any husband discussing an issue of private, intimate nature about his wife with women only too. It is because now majority women are shameless too who do not keep such info to themselves alone but share with their own husbands or any strange men with whom they are connected too. Such invasion of privacy of a wife or wife-to-be at the hands of strange men & women who have & must have no business with very private & personal life matters /body details of the wife/wife-to-be. Such low-lives must not be eligible to marry. I do not think his wife would have proceeded to marry him if she knew how he discussed her strictly private / body details with strange men & women from the public prior to marriage. & these years have brought him no mental maturity to not continue to do that. His latest complaints are all about the wife, nothing about his own mediocrity, immaturity & incapacity in so many areas. If he really is under any stress for his marriage, it is the makafaat-e-amal getting to him for disrespecting his wife, making her a public property, discussing her, her matters of very personal & private nature with strange men & women.

Earlier, I thought her stress was due to more transparent issues but it seems her extreme underlying anger is directly connected to his incapability to act like a man. Such men must not be eligible to marry.

That’s why marriage is a huge risk in 2023. Make a wrong choice & you end up with someone mediocre that turns you int a public property that every T,D,H considers their birth right to violate you, your privacy to their hearts’ desires. Just because you make a mistake to let a loser into your life & he starts treating you like a cow, sheep, cattle.

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35

Umm, sounds pretty awkward seeing somebody who himself posted a thread asking for help being ridiculed like he is

Carry on, though.​

36

Wouldn’t know much about others but mine last a good ten days, each month. Mostly very heavy flow of blood, and very regularly.

Pink the first three days, then purple, and the third usually consists of orange. No matter what the color though, I still feel as if someone’s kicked straight in to my vee-gees, hence why I attack like the little shark that I openly claim to be

What gives, aunt/dr periods?​

37

It truly is a shame. A woman just wants to be protected and provided for- this is a primal instinct. Based on so many stories I’m starting to believe there’s very few men left out there. Your spouse’s privacy should be the upmost priority.

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38
  1. Nobody Cares.
  2. Nobody Cares.
  3. Nobody Cares.
  4. It took you two days to come up with utter garbage of a post and yet all of GS is aware of your hormonal imbalances.

Now, read this a few times to really understand what I’m about to say because I will not be repeating myself.

Do not ever assume you could get away with first, intervening and then, harassing the person I’m in a conversation with. Do it again and you’ll hear from me.

You rank lower than trolls like ElmaJohn, whose caliber exponentially surpasses yours. I suggest saving your filthy commentary for those at your level or at least ones not considering you a disgraceful entity.

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39

​I started my day in a pool of brown/rusty colored blood, is that how you want me to end yours? :chai:

40

One more, please. :flower1:

What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?

Same time, next month..