I am amazed that it is happening to guys too. I really wish if I can move out, but that will create drama too.
Now my mother are forcing me again to agree for rishtas in Pakistan which I really don’t want. I don’t want to bring someone here, and help them settle down.
You will just have to resist and stand ground. My parents tried for years for one of my siblings to get married in Pak to a cousin, caused a lot of rifts especially since neither of them wanted to get married but his family pushed so he could get sponsored and my parents pushed because “we know him”. It caused major anxiety for all the parties but eventually he grew some courage and decided to marry his classmate whom he liked so the silsila resolved itself but those 5 years or so will never come back. Oh well.
Just because someone is a parent does not automatically make them good or resectable, they re milking you for your money. I have seen that happen a lot. They put you down to control you. If you cant stand up for yourself nothing will change. When my boy stood toe to toe, nose to nose against me I growled like an ape but smiled in my heart that I raised a man who wont take chit even from his old man. Stand up to that lady and lay down the law for her. Siblings don’t count for chit, let her have it double barrelled.
Then use reverse psychology may be that might work:
***The answer to this is simpler than you might think. It all comes back to a sense of control. The effectiveness of reverse psychology is based on the reactance theory. This theory states that when people feel they are losing their sense of self control they will take it back by doing what they were told they couldn’t or shouldn’t do. This is easy to see in examples where a parent will tell a child they aren’t able to clean up their room and because the child wants to prove their parent wrong, they will in fact clean up their room. Parent-child examples of reverse psychology tend to be the most common and there is also a reason behind that. Since reverse psychology relies on a person needing to be in control, there are certain types of people that will be more easily swayed by it. Teenagers, Type A personalities, narcissists and psychopaths tend to be ideal because they all want to be in control.
Another driving factor that allows reverse psychology to be so successful is that the person still feels like they are doing something out of their own free will, provided that the way the statements are phrased isn’t too obvious. This tactic works best when using reverse psychology on people that are more resistant to it. In a situation like this, you would tell someone that you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to, that they have the free will to do whatever they choose. If you tell them that while arguing in favor of what you don’t want them to do, then they are much more likely to do whatever it was you wanted them to do in the first place.
The psychology behind reverse psychology is fairly simple. The key is to know who it will actually work on when you use it. If you tell the wrong person to do whatever they want, they could end up doing just that instead of what you really want them to do. Of course, it is also obvious to note that reverse psychology should not be used to influence people to do bad or illegal things, but then again I guess you can do whatever you want.
When your Parents insist you do something… just say Yes I will Insha Allah!
and later when they ask why it did not happen…it was not the will of Allah!
Good Luck!
Sis, I’m telling you, you need to have a more proactive role in your life. I know you have the “desi family” constraint but realize that waiting on them to change or for Allah to do something is useless. Collaborate with people who support you and ditch your mom and sister’s opinion as they have proved time and time again to work against you.
Try to be as independent as you can without causing yourself any unwanted grief or get yourself into trouble at home. Because that will just make it sooooo much worse…especially in desi households. Keep close with your dad…lean on him emotionally if you need to, or a friend, cousin, etc. Keep your head up! Unfortunately, some peoples tests from Allah are harder than others.
Oh well.