How to deal with your own family?

[IsaidwhatIsaid]

Re: How to deal with your own family?

@lahore2nc

Like simple things after my graduation, i was looking for my job and it took me some time to find the job and my mother and sister was so negative about it that I am not looking for job on purpose.
Most of my friends live in 2 hours drive from us and if someone having mehndi dholki or any function and i want to go there and stay over for a day, my sister says my mother dont like it and you are still going “what kind daughter you are?”
My sister and mother brought a proposal back from Pakistan, and forced me to talk to him. They apparently liked him so much for me but after a while when i was okay with it too, they disapprove it and finished it off. I fought for a while but then i give up since it was creating so much tension between my parents. It was 3 years back when i was in school.
Then they showed me alot of proposals from back home and US, but nothing worked out. There was one guy who talked to me and said yes to my mom and then after a day he said no. My sister said to me I might have said something to him thats why he said no.
Recently, a guy liked me here and they came to our home and asked about me from my dad. My mother was so against and she disapprove it. She did not even disapprove it but was also ugly about it.
But my dad still said yes to the family since they were good people.
So fast forward..
Nikah date was fixed
And everyone was invited
His dad got in ICU in pakistan but the family still wanted to do it my dad said no do it in march in Pakistan
Guy side got mad about it and they feel insulted.
They talked last time and my dad still said same thing. From the begining my mom was so against and my dad was on my side and i told the guy everything from the begining and he was apparently so in “love” that he did not care.
At the end, they finished it off. They said my mother and sister was already very disrespectful, but they were okay since my dad agreed. When my dad asked for changing date, they took it as an insult.
My dad basically could not fight it for me and ended up listening to my mother and sister.

Best thing to do is to find determination again to find a job if you don’t have one now. At the very least you will have some income coming that is yours and yours only. Don’t let these nutty broads touch your money either. I know family pressure exist, but your money needs to stay your money. I know that since we are dealing with desi people you will not be able to move out on your own, since these idiots do not even let you hang out and have fun at a function but it will not hurt to have some back up money for yourself.

Also, you and your dad need to be more brave. At the very least you have someone else with you, and I know these arguments will create tension but so what? Are you going to live your entire life waiting for mom and sister’s approval? These two sound perpetually negative and from the descriptions you are giving they sound like they have it out for you. It is time to move past pleasing these two. You have your dad on your side and you two need to work together to get you on your feet. You cannot work things out logically with people who refuse to consider you, and you shouldn’t spend years waiting for them to be reasonable people.