Re: How to deal with This Situation
id be very skpetical of their reasonings for the divorce. Does not sound right.
I wouldnt rush this kinda stuff
Re: How to deal with This Situation
I know a woman who married a guy who had divorced her only after three months. She never wanted to marry him in the firs place as she didn't feel any attraction for him. But her mother told her that "It's not the looks but the kismat that matters more." The mother was excited about the rishta because the guy was wealthy.
Anyhow the guy had an affair going on with some other girl (his cousin) prior to the marriage. And he planned that he would divorce his wife after a few months. It was premeditated. Not only that, but his family treated the girl bad. Then that same guy married another girl a few months later. This second girl was very pretty but uneducated because she was poor. The guy and his family knew ALL these facts before agreeing to the rishta. But they continued to make fun of the SECOND GIRL after the marriage......calling her illiterate, etc. This second girl couldn't take it anymore............so she got into contact with the first former wife........who told her everything............and then the second wife had the COURAGE to give the GUY a divorce!
Sorry for rambling on...............but as Sadzzz above has suggested.........it's good to find out the reasons for the divorce.
if your scared about them seeing the picture...why don't you have your parents be like "we don't believe in pictures, since its modern now, if its okay with you, you guys just come over and let the kids meet each other....if they don't like each other, that is totally okay with us." my cousin's mom does this all the time....and it works!
I think that is a great option but I don't think she can do that as she in the US and the guy is in Pakistan.
Also Mu2kan,
Think about this. We have opinions about the way clothes, cars, flowers, houses, jewelry look like........don't we? We do! So, if we can have an opinion about what material things look like on a regular basis................then it's natural for us to also have opinions about what people look like. The key is to be respectful about your opinions.
When you go shopping for clothes, jewelry, car, home.................you usually buy things that you find attractive or suitable to you. If you're going to own something for a long time.......then you buy something you like. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone.............then it's natural to want someone that you feel attracted to. I'm not trying to reduce human beings to objects. Of course, looks should not be the only criteria. But attraction still has its own important place in a relationship. Even if the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD thinks your partner is ugly...............at least YOU should find your partner attractive.
I know of curvy girls who have gotten married. I even know of girls who are on the heavier side..........and they got married because their partners found them attractive. A person's opinion of your looks is not a reflection of your worth or character. An opinion is neither true nor false.........nor is it right or wrong.........because it will vary from person to person.
You parents will naturally try to do what is in your behtri or best interest. BUT YOU STILL HAVE THE INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY OF GETTING TO KNOW THIS GUY. When you meet him..................ask him questions that are important to you and will give some indication about his character. Also try to find out why he got divorced. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do a thorough investigation of the background and character of this guy and his family before making any decisions. Best wishes.
Re: How to deal with This Situation
Please dont enter this marriage without talking to him and finding out for yourself if you can be with him for the rest of your life.
As for looks, we will all look like prunes one day...I wouldnt sweat it at all.
But the thing is if he was all after green card, he could have kept the previous marriage till he gets the green card Right?? but he ended the marriage because the american girl had lied to him that she will convert and she never did.
Hunny, dont forget that he might have quickly ended that marriage because there might have been legal problems. Knowing the girl was American so I am assuming gori? She might have put 1000's of charges on him abt not fulfilling his duties as a husband etc etc so he might have just gotten rid of the marriage for that purpose. Do u know why he married a non-muslim girl in the first place if he wanted her to convert to Islam? I mean, it cant really be LOVE cuz he divorced her. Maybe he only married her for green card? I am not trying to scare u or make u think all negative but u have to keep all these things in mind.. after all, u might be spending ur LIFE with this guy.
good luck. xoxox
Re: How to deal with This Situation
If it makes u feel better , I was rejected couple of time jus being chubby regardless of my tall height ,pretty features :p breath taking smile and pretty pretty black lush hair ... Their loss :p now I am engaged wid a guy who loves hearing my voice and loves the way I look in pics... so all I'm saying love who u r ... And be wat u r... Ur right guy or shd I say prince charming wil come ur way wen time is right.
No body is perfect and in heart we all know tat but afraid to accept tis fact .
Jus if u r young then I don't know maybe u shd keep ur options open. Tis guy is aftr green card. R u sure he wil value u and love u ? U shd take ur time
Don't be hasty. Its better to take a right decision on time rather than havin a heart break .
Re: How to deal with This Situation
And don't ppl convert into islam BEFORE gettin nikahofied ???
I really want to thank each and everyone of you. I am glad to put it up here and by shairing it with you guys I am liitle calm and little nervous again. Calm cuz it shouldn’t matter what they say after seeing me cuz it will be surely their loss not mine. Nervous and scared because what if they do continue and then what??? How do I investigate about them as an individual cuz I dont have a sister or brother who could do that. Our family is not so libral, so I don’t know what to do. And my dad will not be able to find everything on his own i believe. And if I do get to meet him, what kind of questions do I ask him to find out he really is not lying about his past and he really is sincere now???
I am so lost, I really don’t have much say into this now unless my parents really find out something bad which is Big.
Please dont give me an advise that you live in US so it is easy for you, use your rights and let your parents not force you into this marraige without you being satisfied cuz that will never happen, I am telling you that we are still a typical Pakistani Family.
So in your replies pls dont pass any coments on my family cuz I love my parents regardles and I am sure they will try their best to find everything about him…The only thing is that what if he is lying and behaving good, but is not good… you know how people put a mask on before getting married and then their mask comes off once you are in a relationship???
Please Only tell me what to do smartly and secretly to find out about him, and when I get a chance to talk to him what kind of questions should I ask to make sure he is not lying. The biggest Problem is that I belive in what people say and I never doubt them unless I find something that I have seen or heard it my self.
It surely looks like a complicated case to me lol 
but I am sure you with so many sisters around me I will get a true and possitive advice and will be good. and also Allah is with me cuz mostly I have left in on Allah subhanawatala, May whatever is good and best for both of us happen Ameen.
I am greatly thankful to all of you. Thanks a bunch 
!!
Note: we both (the guy and I are not in the same states and I have no family/friends in the state he lives in)
P.s. Please no coments on my parents being so triditional pakistani parents…they are the bestest parents and will never do something bad for me.
The only thing is that what if he is lying and behaving good, but is not good.... you know how people put a mask on before getting married and then their mask comes off once you are in a relationship???
Please Only tell me what to do smartly and secretly to find out about him, and when I get a chance to talk to him what kind of questions should I ask to make sure he is not lying. The biggest Problem is that I belive in what people say and I never doubt them unless I find something that I have seen or heard it my self.
mu2kan, you have too many doubts in this situation. It would really be best to clear them before plunging into the holy well of matrimony. No matter, how typical a Pakistani household is you really can talk to your mother about the things bothering you. I sure she'll listen.
I thought the guy was here in Pakistan. If he is in States, can't you hire someone to look him up for you? I don't know how easy or difficult it is but if I had doubts in my mind about a guy I would definitely inquire.
I really want to say this but I really hope you dont mind, so Sorry in advance.
You said that this is you first proposal.
Why dont you wait till the next one who maybe is unmarried,this is the first one not the 13 th one. I hope I make sense. I know I also believe in personality but in this case he is divorced, you dont know him,you dont know his family either so much.So despite all this what is so Special about him that you or you parents wants to go further with him or even thinking about him in the first place?
Re: How to deal with This Situation
Browse this, too:
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/wedding/335721-im-worried-i-wont-get-married-mummy-isnt-helping.html
Re: How to deal with This Situation
Oh sweety, everyone in this post is correct, but perhaps you should speak to him first a few times, see what kind of person he is. Then send him your picture if your satisfied.
Regarding his marriage, that is very shady. He legally married the girl for citizenship, it is haram to some extent to marry someone for citizenship and even a legal marriage a non islamic one, isn't correct. What I'm trying to say is that, he married her based on US law, not islamic law, then why does it matter if she converts or not. He married her for citizenship nor Islam. I will pray for you, Inshallah Allah will guide you, and whatever is best for you shall happen. But Keep your eyes open, and consider all aspects, people today are much smarter and sadly not as true. Speak to the guy and ask your parents to question the guy and investigate to your full extent.