i keep getting advice here that i should do everything to keep husband happy etc ( mil issues) but what about issues with the husband. i dnt want to create a thread about everythnn( but i will) , i just dont feel like i handle things well.
for eg yes hes a good husband. but he has flaws lotsss. well mainly i feel a lack of respect. he can talk perfectly well. but he cant take criticism he cant take negativity he cant take me sayn anything against him. if i tell him hes wrong abiut somethn he gets all aggro and stropppy and moody and tell me he can say watever hebwants. if i tell him that he wouldnt like it if i spke to him that way he gets more stroppy. imnfed up. i feel like when hes moody he treats me ****ty. and once his rants over hes normal again and expects me to b normal and if im not he says " oh kyun moo banaya hua hai ( in aggro voice) sarr pe mat betho.
imnreally peeved. plus i usually alwas go to him after im thinking of ignoring him now completly. talking nicely isnt an option.
You need to stop turning everything into a battle. This whole “me vs husband” “me vs mil” “me vs whatever it is i’m pissed off about” etc is what is draining you of any common sense at all. Stop seeing yourself as a victim all the time and realize that maybe it’s your attitude that is turning your husband off from you?
If the man is the type that needs to rant and rave, but then gets over it himself (and my husband is the same way), then learn to acept that personality trait and deal with it. You can’t force someone to react behave exactly how you want.
I’m not sure how you really are in real life, but here on the forums, you come across as excessively whiny, needy & bratty 24/7. I really think that if you find a way to achieve inner calm and peace, and really learn to love yourself first, you’ll find that your relationship with your husband will improve greatly.
hasten your departure! rebook next available flight. get out of in-law's home, city and lives ASAP...i'm serious because it's the most urgent nerve wrecking problem you're facing...for you, it's like 'do or die' matter! :D
for eg yes hes a good husband. but he has flaws lotsss. well mainly i feel a lack of respect. he can talk perfectly well. but he cant take criticism he cant take negativity he cant take me sayn anything against him. if i tell him hes wrong abiut somethn he gets all aggro and stropppy and moody and tell me he can say watever hebwants.
He's a good husband but he has flaws. I can write that line about my husband too. No one is perfect.
As for the rest, thanks to all the MIL drama and your unhappiness.......you really haven't stayed focused on your marriage and winning the love/respect of your husband in the last 2 years. This is exactly why I gave you the advice on the other thread. I specifically told you to give him nothing but love/peace/affection in the next 2 months. Stop complaining about the MIL or other daily things when he gets home from work (ie. stop the negativity). Allow your MIL to provide him with all the negativity/stress/drama when he gets home.
He can't take criticism and he doesn't like it when you tell him he's wrong about something. Yea sounds like my husband. A lot of men have a big ego...it's nothing new. But after 2 years of living with you, you should be an expert at how to handle his ego by now.
Next time you want to criticize him or tell him that he's wrong about something.......ask yourself.....is it really worth it to make him upset? Whatever he's wrong about....does that issue really effect your life? My hubby is wrong about little things all the time.....guess what....most of the time I simply nod and let it go. 99.9% of the time, he learns on his own that he was wrong. He doesn't admit it to me....and I don't throw it in his face. I simply let it go b/c in the long run, it's not worth having an argument over. Once again, this goes back to YOU learning how to pick and choose your battles.
Since you already know he has a ego and likes to be right.....how often to you compliment him? Whether it's his looks, him fixing your necklace the other day, him playing with the kids, him helping you with ANYTHING in the house........How often do you tell him that you appreciate him? When he's right about something.....do you point it out and tell him that he's right? Again, you'd be amazed at what a difference these things make to a man....especially one with a ego.
i admit i am whiny needy etc i dnt even know why. but whatecer i post on here isnt what i am 100percent at home. thing is if he asks me " nadz dnt say this xyz to that person" il say ok. if i say it he gets all aggro most of the time and says can say watever he wants.
paheli- ur right but my husband is not even with his emotions he doesnt feel anyhing nothn upsets him or makes him "think" dnt think hes ever said sorry. if hes wronf he just carries on being normal and talking to me morethats it. he wouldbt ever wonder about thibgs like we all do.
ok i think to tell wat happened.
we were asked to go to a weddn ( which nether of us wanted to go to) but he didnt know indidnt want to go. so when his parents and sister asked is nadz going, he said " uska kya kaam hai udher"
i HATE when he says that. it sounds to me like hes controlling me which hebwill say he didt mean that. i said why cant u say nadz doesnt want to go or somethn else what you said sounds like ur telln me i cant go. anyway he just all stroppy and yelly.
if he wants to listen and agree with me he will never say ok sorry teek hai. he will still say "watever ok ok ok" and if he doesnt wwnt to listen and agree then he gets angry and moody and say " i can say watever i want"
If that situation happened with me and my hubby told his parents that** I** didn't want to go, all their annoyance would be directed at me and I'd be blamed for neither of us going. Given I don't want to go, my hubby saying something like that would be fine with me because at least I'd get out of it without being involved. It seems like he knows how to handle his family and you still haven't learned to handle them or him.
nadz, you want to be the boss in situations where it's just useless and pointless.
I'm pretty sure your hubby is not that daft and oblivious. It's usually quite obvious when we do/don't want to do something.
The point is, it all worked out in your favour but you can never see that and be grateful for it. If you had wanted to go, I'm sure you could have discussed it in private with him afterwards in a CALM manner. If he still told you that you couldn't, then you might have a point that he's controlling you, but we'll never know.
If you didn't want to go, and he basically saved you from more criticism from your in-laws.. WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING? So what if he didn't know you didn't want to go? This really is a non-issue and you're blowing it all out of proportion.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, I think you need to busy yourself up with something because your time is spent reading way too much into everything. You need to occupy your energy and your mind with something else.
Firstly of all, like Stoppit already said....if your husband has said YOU didn't want to go....that would've given you MIL a reason to bash you (ie. Nadz is anti-social, Nadz doesn't want to spend time with family etc. etc. etc.). By saying "uska kya kaam hai udher", you husband is indirectly taking "blame" for you not going. You should've thanked him for saying what he did!
i HATE when he says that.** it sounds to me like hes controlling me** which hebwill say he didt mean that..
To your MIL and other people, even if it sound like he's controlling you....so what? You know he doesn't control you, HE knows he doesn't control you.......why isn't that good enough? Just like I have said before many times Nadz, stop being so concerned about what other people think. Stay focused on yourself and your husband.
Whether or not your husband knew that you didn't want to go doesn't make any difference. The bottom line is that he chose to take the blame for you not going INSTEAD of putting the blame on you by saying you didn't want to go. This was a perfect opportunity for you win brownie points with him by telling him in private how much you appreciated him saying that to MIL b/c in your heart, you didn't want to go. Instead, once again you reacted with your emotions instead of staying focused on the big picture.
BTW Nadz, have you ever considered taking Xanax? I'm 100% serious. I take it during long flights and when I'm just SUPER stressed for days and can't relax. When I take it, for the next 24 hours, I can't get upset at anything even if I want to get upset. You may seriously want to consider taking this b/c clearly, on your own you're not capable of controlling your anxiety/anger etc.
This surrendered Wife seems a copy of Behashti Zewar :D
Because, in the end if the relationship ends what has the husband lost? No men ever get a divorced 'label' on them that wont let them re-marry. And its the wife who suffers dragging her kids along who suffer for no reason at all. And no matter how much people argue of equality between husband and wife there' no equality between husband and wife. There is equity, as Dr. Zakir Naik says, but not equality. And equity and equality are similar, not the same. They are not equal because just like any country/team cannot be run by two kings/leaders a house cannot be run by two leaders. So one of them has to be the leader and the other has to surrender.
And honestly, if surrendering a little gives you and kids and your husband peace and happiness in the long run, then why not? Why let our egos destroy a relationship that will not only affect us but our kids, our families, our husbands, and their families.
BTW Nadz, have you ever considered taking Xanax? I'm 100% serious. I take it during long flights and when I'm just SUPER stressed for days and can't relax. When I take it, for the next 24 hours, I can't get upset at anything even if I want to get upset. You may seriously want to consider taking this b/c clearly, on your own you're not capable of controlling your anxiety/anger etc.
Paheli can you tell me what's Xanax? Any side-effects?