First a little background about why hypocricy puts me off so much.
When I was at uni. there was this girl in my class who was friends with me, we went to the university in the same bus and in fact spent all our time together. At that time I used to think that she is an extremely sweet and polite girl and was very impressed with how civil she was. Now I am mostly a very straightforward person, sometimes to the point of being blunt or tactless. So for that reason too I was in awe of how she always knew just the right things to say to everyone. Gradually however I realized that although she was sweet as honey to people on their face, as soon as their back was turned she made snide remarks about them, ridiculed them and in short was very obnoxious. Though of course she continued to act all sweet towards me.
To this day I don’t know if she was really my friend or was she just shamming it, just like she pretended with other people in front of me. Anyway I cut all ties with her after leaving the university. Though I sometimes wonder if that was the right thing to do, because there have been times when she went out of her way to do something for me. And I feel kind of guilty for cutting ties with her. Lakin, I am digressing.
Well my problem with people like that is that once you find out that they are faking it all, you can never trust them again. Because you don’t know when they are being genuinely nice and when they are just pretending to be nice. So I wonder how should one deal with such people. Mind it that I am not referring to those people or scenarios when one doesn’t say something for the fear of hurting others’ feelings, but about those folks who deliberately act sweet in front of you and then tear you to pieces when you are not around.
In her case, it was easier for me to stop seeing her or to keep in touch as we don’t even live in the same country anymore. But that’s not always an option. And I frankly don’t know how to deal with this behaviour in people with whom you cannot severe ties.
And this characteristic really TICKS ME OFF so much! I mean bande mein ya tou itni ikhlaaqi jurat honi chahiye ke jo kehna hai munh pe kahe, ya phir itna zarf hona chahiye ke ghair mojoodgi mein chup rahe buraai na karey.
The only thing you can do is keep your distance from such people. There will always be hypocrites in this world, but fortunately, most are quickly exposed...
Uffo bhai, lakin sometimes even though you wish to distance yourself it's not possible. Jaise rishtedaar waghaira, you cannot cut off ties with family that's haram.
But I agree this act can only fool you for so long, but once you discover the truth it's so nauseating.
Uffo bhai, lakin sometimes even though you wish to distance yourself it's not possible. Jaise rishtedaar waghaira, you cannot cut off ties with family that's haram.
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Ya, everyone has these type of relatives. I feel that the best strategy is to interact with them as little as possible. And not really pay attention to them, just be like "Hmm Bilkul sahy keh rahy hain aap" lol :p
This reminds me of a woman who would always tell my Mum when I was a kid that she should tell me to wear a scarf. Now the very same lady's daughter is swanning around with no scarf, incredibly westernised and has a bf. So is this being hypocrite? I'm not sure. If I met the lady now, what would I say to her? Would I even bother saying hello to her? Btw, my Mum has seen her around a few times and still remains civil towards her. I'm not sure I can show the same bravery/courage to talk to someone who preached to another parent but forgot her preachings when it came to her own daughters upbringing.
^I don't think that makes her a hypocrite, quite likely daughter is just doing it behind her back or mum pesters her about the scarf but she's having none of it..
This reminds me of a woman who would always tell my Mum when I was a kid that she should tell me to wear a scarf. Now the very same lady's daughter is swanning around with no scarf, incredibly westernised and has a bf. So is this being hypocrite? I'm not sure. If I met the lady now, what would I say to her? Would I even bother saying hello to her? Btw, my Mum has seen her around a few times and still remains civil towards her. I'm not sure I can show the same bravery/courage to talk to someone who preached to another parent but forgot her preachings when it came to her own daughters upbringing.
She's not a hypocrite. She's just smart. Probably wasn't when you last met her, but she is now.
Reminds me of a former coworker. Went around enforcing rules and standards with others....but exempted herself from it...like she's above them and they don't apply to her. Came in late...wrote an "earlier" time in the sign-in book. Left early...wrote a "later" time in the book. Felt no sense of guilt that the work SHE should be doing is dumped on other colleagues. Lied about not being able to fulfill a certain responsibility by saying that she was assigned some OTHER more important task.....the latter which she won't fulfill either. Loses credibility when she gives a lecture to people on lying. And once proudly said that she doesn't have a drop of hypocricy within her after blasting others for having that quality, LOL. Would treat people like dirt...give them the cold shoulder for a prolonged period of time....then flash her pearly whites and pretend to be friends.
How did I deal with her? Well, sometimes I played dumb like she did.....only I did it with better intentions. I'd subtly call her out on something she was supposed to do (but wasn't doing)...in front of others....so she'd have to acknowledge it in front of them. I felt bad that others had to pick up for her slack...and they were too afraid to confront her....so I'd sometimes try to bring it up in a sneaky way. And then I'd play if off...and make it seem that my reason for asking was something completely harmless or just innocent curiosity. She was a real peace of work and in a way I felt sorry for her....because she was oblivious to how she hurt so many people and how as a result so many did't like her.
First a little background about why hypocricy puts me off so much.
When I was at uni. there was this girl in my class who was friends with me, we went to the university in the same bus and in fact spent all our time together. At that time I used to think that she is an extremely sweet and polite girl and was very impressed with how civil she was. Now I am mostly a very straightforward person, sometimes to the point of being blunt or tactless. So for that reason too I was in awe of how she always knew just the right things to say to everyone. Gradually however I realized that although she was sweet as honey to people on their face, as soon as their back was turned she made snide remarks about them, ridiculed them and in short was very obnoxious. Though of course she continued to act all sweet towards me.
To this day I don't know if she was really my friend or was she just shamming it, just like she pretended with other people in front of me. Anyway I cut all ties with her after leaving the university. Though I sometimes wonder if that was the right thing to do, because there have been times when she went out of her way to do something for me. And I feel kind of guilty for cutting ties with her. Lakin, I am digressing.
Well my problem with people like that is that once you find out that they are faking it all, you can never trust them again. Because you don't know when they are being genuinely nice and when they are just pretending to be nice. So I wonder how should one deal with such people. Mind it that I am not referring to those people or scenarios when one doesn't say something for the fear of hurting others' feelings, but about those folks who deliberately act sweet in front of you and then tear you to pieces when you are not around.
In her case, it was easier for me to stop seeing her or to keep in touch as we don't even live in the same country anymore. But that's not always an option. And I frankly don't know how to deal with this behaviour in people with whom you cannot severe ties.
And this characteristic really TICKS ME OFF so much! I mean bande mein ya tou itni ikhlaaqi jurat honi chahiye ke jo kehna hai munh pe kahe, ya phir itna zarf hona chahiye ke ghair mojoodgi mein chup rahe buraai na karey.
How would I deal with someone like that? Here's what I think I would do:
1. Be grateful for the people that you associate with who are not like that.
2. Avoid backbiting from my side. I believe that that type of person only ends up disgracing themself in the end.
3. Remain civil with them anyway in my dealings.
^ That's true. And I know all of the advice given here is very good. But for some inexplicable reason I let this get under my skin so much. Okay maybe I am so frustrated because I assume that everyone is being honest and straight forward. It always takes a while for me to figure out that someone is not being sincere. And then I am mad at myself for falling for their pretensions.
Secondly, for example if you ask such people for opinion or advice, they will never speak what's actually on their mind. Rather they would give someone answer that they think would please you. Similarly, they would praise you to sky in fron of you and as soon as your back is turned they would badmouth you to others. Now no one is perfect and it's understandable that I may have some flaws. But if you were my well wisher, wouldn't you want me to improve or correct my behaviour? Rather than pretending to be pleased with me in front of me, and then tearing me to pieces in my absence. How hard is it to be straight forward? It's not as if you care about my feelings, you are just concerned about your 'impression' in front of me.
Pata nai. In theory I know we should ignore such people and move on, but in practice it's very hard to let go. This has been affecting me negatively, as now I have begun to mistrust everyone, and to fume over such behaviour even when I know that I cannot control how others behave. I can only control my reaction to them. So I need to practice harder I guess.
I have to put up with my overly sweet fake kind of hypocrite manager all the time. I cannot even laugh at her jokes and stuff anymore.. stopped talking to her altogether. dont know what shes saying is real or fake..
Eurgh I had a friend exactly like that, I loved her and found out she was a turd. I'm still civil, we're fb friends, I'll like something every few months and maybe even say hi once a year because like your friend there were times when my friend was actually a nice person too.
Other than that ignoring her is the best way, she will still some times talk to people about me but after a while most people kinda get what sort of a person she is and stop paying heed to anything she says.
How would I deal with someone like that? Here's what I think I would do:
1. Be grateful for the people that you associate with who are not like that.
2. Avoid backbiting from my side. I believe that that type of person only ends up disgracing themself in the end.
3. Remain civil with them anyway in my dealings.
@ Sanaabc: This is exactly the kind of behaviour that I am referring to. There comes a time when you are not sure when they are faking and when they are being real.
@ Kiterunner: Masha Allah, at least you are more civil then me. She sent me a friends request on FB but I didn't respond. Don't want her on my wall or to see any of my posts. Guess I am an extremist in some ways.