how to deal with disliking father in law..

Lifestyle Relationships
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so how would u all react if ur fil tells ur parents things like oh did u kno they both were talking from before or oh did u know they talk late at night? especiallyyyyy if ur rents are conservative..it really pissed me off…and im so upset =

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

tell your hubby/fiance to MOVE OUT of his parent's home...problem SOLVED!!!

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

yeah hes going to but still its so annoying like they live in another state so i never get to see my fiance so OF COURSE were going to talk late at night like come onnn! some parents just never put themselves in their kids shoes =

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

When your FIL says these things....does he say them in a nice way? Cuz some people don't have any ill intentions, but they don't have a strong awareness of what things can and and should are not appropriate/necessary to mention during a conversation.

If you feel that your FIL says these things in a resentful way....then it seems like he feels insecure. Maybe he fears losing his son to you? How does your husband feel about the matter...is he supportive of you? Maybe you can suggest that he talk camly to his dad...spend some time with him perhaps. Or maybe you can consider making the effort to connect more with your FIL. Does your FIL feel disturbed by the the late night conversations...or does he have issues with he phone bill? I feel like there's more to the story than you have disclosed.

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

nooo he doesnt have any ill intentions hes super chill and doesnt mind thats why he freely mentioned it but he KNOWS how my rents are! so idk why he doesnt think before he speaks bc now my rents dont really like him.. =/ my fiance wont talk to him though he just tells me to forget abt it =

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

and i mean that like its such an obvious thing i would do why to mention it..esp if he thinks its normal...

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

sometimes you just have to deal with things like this and hope that it passes. as long as ur FIL doesnt meand to do wrong-be appreciative of that. i know its still hard and will bother you but thats life!

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

Hmm...okay, so you say he's super chill...that's a good thing. UNLESS...maybe he was somehow trying to give a hint about the late night talks? Are you sure he doesn't find it disturbing in any way...in terms of it getting in the way of sleep, phone bills, etc? Or maybe it's an assumption on your part that he would know how your parents will respond to/view EVERY single issue? What I mean is....he may know that your parents in general are more conservative than him....but he might have assumed that it was no big deal for him to mention this to your parents....since it's a merging of two families and there's nothing shameful about it.

I mean you've grown up in a conservative family....and you yourself are saying "well duh...what's the big deal...we live so far away from one another...how else are we supposed to talk?" So, if you can see the logic in the situation, despite the conservative upbringing.... is there a possibility that maybe your parents are over-reacting? That's another way to consider the matter as well, isn't it? What is the "gunnah" in what your FIL said to your parents? It's not the worst thing in the world. He may even have said it with the intention that he finds it cute that you guys talk often. I would think that it's a "no brainer" or common knowledge to most parents that the a couple will talk during the engagement period ...unless the family is uber-conservative and doesn't believe in such interactions before marriage.

I'm not attacking your parents, I'm just putting another perspective out there for you. If your parents think it's a "shameful/inappropriate" for your FIL to make these comments to them........then they shouldn't even be okay with you talking to your "fiance" until after your marry him. It's almost like words are more offensive than actions?

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

wow thanks so much for the long and thought out reply! really appreciate it. i def agree with you thats its not so big of an issue. and i know my fil didnt mean any harm.

what i meant by my fam being conservative is kinda complicated. like they are ok with me talking to him but nottt late at night for like an hour. but mostly they are conservative in the sense that certain things are not talked about despite their obvious occurrence. were more formal when it comes to the personal matters of couples and inlaws stuff.

thanks again for ur post, it does make me feel better abt the situation! :)

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

^ I'm glad it helped. It's possible that maybe your FIL thinks that since it's such an "obvious occurance" that two engaged people are talking/will talk...that it's not a big deal to bring it up with your parents. It's nothing shameful....he didn't discuss the content of your conversations or the terms of endearment you use. And the way I see it....if your parents also see it as obvious and KNOW that you both are talking to one another...then it doesn't need to be seen as a really offensive thing. Cuz in a way it doesn't make sense to turn a blind eye to the action (in this case, late night phone calls)...but then be offended when someone mentions it. It's like saying words carry more weight than actions. The only thing that maybe you should consider with your fiance is whether or not the conversations are a disturbance in any way? As perhaps your FIL may have been giving a hint. And if that's the case, then some adjustments in timings can be worked out between you and fiance as a compromise....so that everyone feels more at ease. It can be a step in strengthing relationships.

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

if a parent is doing it tanzeeya tareekay mein,you'll know. So I agree with Rv...your FIL might be thinking it's no big deal

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

Dump the old man.....make your guy cut all contact with them.....let him rot

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

So YOUR parents are conservative and you are pissed of at your FIL :slight_smile:

You are just pissed off at your FIL because of him, you are unable to do stuff that your parents dont like ! :faizy:

:chai:

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

If you live in California your rents cannot be conservative , rents are too high in CA that is why you are pissed off about them. Move to Montana and your rents will go down next to nothing.

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

I dont think you can do anything as such. Hes your FIL. There is nothing to say or do. Let it roll off you and deal with your parents. Listen to them scold you if thats the thing. If it wasnt your FIL there's always someone who says something to annoy the parents.

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

its just really bothering me because my parents are like taken aback by it and its really embarrassing for them. i know theres nothing to be done in the situation but i have this distaste towards my fil, which i kinda had before too but now its worse. he always says things without thinking and isnt very "classy." my parents are complete opposite and are very formal and classy and respectful. then again they are from a higher "social class" than my inlaws...sigh i just want to be able to like my fil and i dont!

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

Read my advice again...........

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

^If your FIL is the kind of guy that will talk to your parents and others about whatever he sees you doing....then (to an extent) you'd have to be mindful of your actions. Have you talked about the issue with your fiance...is he supportive? What would happen if you were to talk to your FIL and tell him gently that certain comments make you feel uncomfortable? If he's THAT obtuse/clueless.....then he's not going to realize it unless someone brings it up with him. If you have good rapport with him...then he may understand (not hold a grudge) and be more careful in the future.

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Re: how to deal with disliking father in law..

i told my fiance and he knows his dads like that but he would never go up to his dad and tell him that..and id rather just be careful of my actions than to talk to my fil..that might just cause problems. its true, u can never get everything in a rishta! compromise always happens...i just need ppl to make me feel better abt this problem. when ur parents dont like ur inlaws it just makes the whole marriage less happy and i already feel that no one is really excited abt the whole situation anway =/