Not sure where to post this so mods feel free to move it.
I in a dilemma and not really sure how to say no to my parents mainly because I have grown up to fear their disappointment in me. Due to my father’s pressure I did my bachelors in a science and forced myself to apply into a pa program. After losing my baby I have developed a huge anxiety from hospitals and really don’t see myself working in the medical field for the rest of my life. I got pregnant and was not able to defer my admission so I decided to withdraw since I was way too sick to even sit through a lecture. Now that I have a small baby, I really don’t see myself leaving her all day at a daycare/with a nanny etc. my husband and I have agreed we don’t want her to grow up with a stranger basically (sorry but that’s my view). I really want to spend as much time with her as possible especially since I lost my first baby. Now the dilemma is the following. Currently we are living at my parent’s house (upstairs portion) because my husband just moved here from tHe Uk five months ago. We are trying to save up for a place while my husband looks for a better paying job. My parents, especially my father, keep pressuring me to go back to school full time or start working. I gave into the pressure and even landed a job, which I ended up refusing because the commute was horrendous and I would have been gone 12 hours from my baby. I really don’t know how to make them realize that I want to spend this time with my child and not ruin it by worrying about other things. I know part of the problem is that we are still living here, but we are waiting to move out when we have enough saved up. I just feel like my choices are not being respected. I love and respect my parents a lot but sometimes they can really make me feel insecure about myself. I don’t want to take out a huge loan only to realize I hate what I am doing in school. I honestly don’t want to do pa school at this point in life. Why is it looked down upon if you want to stay at home with your baby for a year or two?! I am really depressed.
Please no rude or mean comments. I am not in the mood.
Hopefully my post made some sense. I am just too tired and overwhelmed from crying. Ugh
Have you explained your feelings to your parents the way you have here? Why do they think it’s okay to interfere in something you and your husband have agreed upon?
Can you afford to rent a small place in the meantime?
consider having a heart to heart with the parent that you are least intimidated by.
let them know that you are overwhelmed with everything that is going on and you simply need them to support you through this tough time.
your parents love you as you love your child…if you show them how you are really feeling then I’m sure that they will understand.
If your parent(s) don’t respect your lifestyle choices, you and your husband should move out. It may be difficult to afford, but at least it will give you the independence for you and your husband to make your own life choices.
You have to figure out for yourself what is more important to you, not disappointing your parents or not disappointing your child. If you want to not disappoint your child then you will have to move out of your parents’ home. Unfortunately, if you’re going to live under their roof, you will have to either do as they ask or hear them give you crap about it.
OP i have to ask something…is your hubby’s job or job prospect reasonable? just wondering why might your father be pushing you to finish your degree. And is it only that he wants your to finish your PA education or any type of higher education will satisfy him/them. I understand you want to make all these decisions on your own, but your parents might be looking at the bigger picture.
Also, if you live with your parents, are they not offereing to look after your LO while you go back to school? Nana and Nani would be 100 times better thn daycares.
They are pushing you to take a job you may not want right now because in their head, they are doing the absolute best for you even though it may not be something you may want. And just like they want the absolute best for your child, you want the absolute best for yours. I think you really as a parent now need to gather courage and tell him that you understand he wants the best for you and you love and respect him but as an adult now, he needs to respect and accept your choice. I think he just wants your future to be financially secure and he wants you to have something solid to fall back on. As parents, we just want our children prepared to take on the world and we want them to take risk but we want to give them so much that if they shall fall, they should fall on the cushiest ground. He loves you and he loves his grandchild and at the end of the day he wants you to be happy. Speak up. You never know how he may change his view or find ways to help you.
Thank you for the responses I didn’t have time to log on. Great advice. I think I should have mentioned that I went through a lot of heartache and problems to have my daughter and that is also why I don’t want to lose this time with her. Confronting my dad is the equivalent of extreme disrespect. My husband is on thehunt for a better job and has also applied for his masters so it isn’t that his job prospects are low. My dad does not like my husband I think. Which just doesn’t make sense since my mom was the one who pushed me to marry him in the first place. Anyways I have toldmy mom she needs to respect my decisions. Let’s see.
My parents don’t have time to look after her since they work. One more thing, my mom wants me to find a job if I don’t want to start school right now so she can quit her job and get paid by me to take care of my daughter. She has said this to my husband as well and he was a little offended. She also keeps asking me to pay her credit card bills, which from the timeshe over spent on gifts for her trip to Pakistan. I am annoyed to the max so please make dua I get to move out soon. My father just gave me A very condescending speech about not going to school.
You know you guys are better off in the UK; the NHS will support you while you gradually stand on your feet. Afterwards getting back to the magic lamp will be easier to cope with …
Is there any other relative or maybe a sibling who might offer you guys a place to stay with a lower rent price? I think the best thing here is just to move out if it’s causing tensions between you and your parents. I know your husband needs more time to get accustomed to this new country and his job situation … but if things are causing you guys stress then maybe find another place to live for the time being.
I think paying your mom’s credit card bills is crazy if she’s working and your father is as well. I thought they were financially helping you guys get on your feet, but if they are still asking you for money then I don’t see how this is any different from you guys simply moving out? If you have any relatives or close friends who you can turn to or that may have a basement or something you guys can rent at a lower price, I would go for that.
Yes finishing school is important but I do agree with you that right now spending time and looking after your daughter is more important. But I would highly suggest that once she’s old enough and attending school for even half a day, that you do finish your studies and look into a source of income so you and your husband have less financial stress. If PA isn’t something you want to do, then find something which interests you and go for it. Use this time with your daughter, to also make a plan, share it with your husband and be firm with your parents when discussing it. If they cannot support you then I think it’s time you guys moved out.
Use this time with your daughter, to also make a plan, share it with your husband and be firm with your parents when discussing it. If they cannot support you then I think it’s time you guys moved out.