I posted here a short while ago and since then I have taken the advice given here and acted on it. I’m managing my children better now that baby is starting to settle. He is still colicy but not as bad as he was before. I don’t ask for help or favours from anyone and just get on with it. Alhumdulillah I think I’m doing okay. But it seems to have had a strange effect on the family. My husband is still barely talking to me. And my in laws have started doing the same too. Maybe they’ve noticed the lack of communication between husband and I. Whatever it is I’m finding that I’m starting to resent them all. I feel hurt and angry all the time. I find myself crying when im alone. I hate feeling like this and just need some advice on how to change these feelings. I don’t want to resent anyone, I just want to have a good relationship with my family that’s all.
I know its only been a few weeks but despite making changes by being more proactive around the house and with the kids my husband is still the same as he was before. Unresponsive, doesn’t talk, doesn’t try to spend any time with me.
I just need some advice.
Maybe talk to a therapist.. seems like both of you have postpartum depression..
Re: How to Control Negative Feelings
sorry you're going through this. its tough with two little ones (especially a colicky one!) and a hubby who has his own issues. focus on your babies. i would again suggest taking some time to get away and spend it with your family (mom, sisters, etc) so they can help you with the little ones and you have some time to yourself. go out and just watch a movie, or sit there and eat ice cream alone. and savor it :). i think it will be a good break for you and also for your hubby. he will inshallah realize how much you do to keep the house running and managing the babies. hubby is probably overwhelmed and stressed with his new job and new baby, but thats not an excuse. he will soon realize and inshallah come to his senses.
how old is your little one now? my baby finally stopped being colicky after about 4.5 months alhamdulillah. those were the toughest months ever for me- even though i had so much help from my mom and sisters.
hang in there sista!
Re: How to Control Negative Feelings
It seems like no one really knows what to do or what's going on.
I think you should be consistent and keep going with your current plan. But now that you have things a bit more under control, try to add to the quality of your life.
For instance, instead of thinking about how terrible things are at home...do your best to fix your own mood. That may mean taking some time out with the kids and going somewhere fun, meeting up with friends, a pampering session (I take my kid to the salon with me but then again I only have 1), etc. Do things to help yourself out of your depression FIRST. Help yourself first and remember one thing always: you are no good to anyone if you're not at 100% yourself.
Make these changes slowly. Whoever wants to be on board will eventually get on board...the ones who don't are not your problem. Immerse yourself in creating a better quality of life for you, your kids and husband.
As for his moodiness...pretend its not there. Meaning, if he makes a face or makes a snide comment or doesn't even comment...pretend he's been singing love songs for you. Smile in the face of his meanness and yes...its incredibly hard to do but its worth it if it makes him feel stupid.
One day he will see how silly he is for ignoring a good wife who is doing her best. One day he will tell his own parents that look she's doing her best...leave her alone. It may not be tomorrow, the day after or even next month or year...but if you stay consistent...it will happen.
The best revenge my dear - is massive success.
Please don't bother communicating with him...its not worth the emotional tirade.
Re: How to Control Negative Feelings
Try to read as much Qur'an as possible. I know with kids it can be difficult to find time but if you carry your phone with you all the time download a Qur'an app and whenever you have a moment read from it. Even if you only have time to read one verse. Also recite durood and do as much dhikr as possible. It will help your mood. I'm not sure what to advise you about your husband, if you've had a fight then I would say let go of your ego and approach him to talk. I see that Reha has advised the opposite... I haven't read your other post so maybe there was more detail there that I'm not aware of. If avoidance is better right now then go with that but if he does soften towards you then try not to react with anger or upset. I know that's easier said than done.
As for baby: colic is usually a time thing. Babies grow out of it. Gripe water should help. Drink peppermint tea.
I will remember you in duas inshallah. I hope everything goes well. Its a bit weird how your in laws arent talking to you though, have you maybe unknowingly offended any of them? Or maybe done something that they didn't like? I'm not putting the blame on you just saying maybe think back and see if maybe you said or did something they didn't like.