Ive taken some old joke and added a few of my own versions.
Feel free to add yours.
How to catch a Lion:
Newton’s Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
**
Software Engineer Method:**
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Punjab Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
**United States Method:
**Keep warning the lion that you will launch and preemptive attack from your bases in the jungle. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
CIA Method:
Take a domestic cat and chain him and send him to Guantanamo prison. Hold him there for 6 months, while torturing and insulting the Cat Religion and desecrating the Holy Book of Cats. After that, transfer him to secret CIA prison in Poland and inject him with Sodium Pentothal (truth serum). He will confess to being a Lion and you already have him in custody.
ISI Method:
Send a few armed agents to the Prime Minister residence and help Pak Army with coup d’état and enforcement of Martial Law. After Martial Law, the Lion will try to go in exile in UK and can be formally captured at the airport.
MI6 Method:
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle light. Keep murmuring something in its ears. Sleep deprive him and force him to read all Ian Fleming novels watch all James Bond movies The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
**
Bollywood Method (I):**
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don’t understand right… ok….read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Bollywood Method (II):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
**Salman Khan Method:
**Take off your shirt and act gay. The Lion being the homosexual he is will not be able to resist you, at which point yoou can capture him easily.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
**
George Bush method:**
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
**
Ravi Shastri method:**
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
You bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders.
Inzimam Ul Haq Method:
Take Rameez Raja with you to the lion hideout and insist on giving interview in English “Bismillah hirRahman nirRahim, First thanks to Allah the boyz is try very hard but lion is very loose and grass is also thick. We is not win today..” Hearing this the lion will come out to eat you, make sure you have the bat with you and hit the Lion like you hit that Indian fan in Toronto in 1997.