I live in abroad & working here, But my wife is living with my parents…It’s been like 5 months now that i m married & living Happily… I didn’t send any money yet directly to my wife…However I can do that …but I don’t feel good sending that way… becoz we live in a joint family system… My father he is also with me working here … When I get paid at the end of the month I normally give my money to my father .. & he sends back home… I was expecting that they will give pocket money to their DIL …But she didn’t get anything yet … But They are providing everything else … I sometime Feel as husband that she should be given pocket money every month. However she didn’t complaint me about it …But I personally felt all that…
How to tell your parents about all that ?? would it be better to send her directly using any other source ???.. Or I should ask my parent to give her Which way is better ???.. Any suggestions… ??? Please Kind words of Advice only …
Thanks in advance
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
You are in a cage, aren't you. You have my sympathies.
But frankly, the joint family system sucks. But thats besides the point. You need to talk to your father, about what should be your contribution to the family and agree on it. The rest of your money you should be able to spend as you like. It may not be easy, as ur father may get upset or some other members of ur family, but u shud hav the right to a life.
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
brother...i advise ou to talk to your parents that out of pay...they should pay some amount to your respectful wife...as she has a right on your money....because in "another" way ..you send money...will not keep as a secret..and in future ..may arise some problems etc...hope you understand my point....
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
i agree with dawa_i_dil and iconoclast....you should ask you father or your mother to give your wife some money....but by saying that do make it clear k your wife didnt complained about anything...its you who feels guilty for not sending her the money...beacuse you dont want to make your wifey life miserable or any misunderstanding to occur between your wife and your mom...
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
dont wait until she complains about the money...not only you should start sending her some decent amount but you should also need to start saving for you two (future) as well. you are married now and you have some responsibilities towards her. dont forget she is married to you and if she ever needs money, she should be getting it from you... not from your parents
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
you shouldn't have to ASK anyone to give money to your wife. Your wife has rights (Islamically) over your money. However, you can certainly TELL your parents (out of courtesy) that you feel that your wife shouldnt have to ask anyone for money if she wants to go buy something for herself...therefore you would like to give her money for her own personal expenses.
I also agree with the person above who said that you should find out how much you need to contribute in household expenses....it is my understanding that in (most) joint family systems the husband doesnt give the entire paycheck to his family (especially when he is married...unless he is the sole provider) but instead gives what is needed to run the house.
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
brother...i advise ou to talk to your parents that out of pay...they should pay some amount to your respectful wife...as she has a right on your money....because in "another" way ..you send money...will not keep as a secret..and in future ..may arise some problems etc...hope you understand my point....
best regards
wasalam.
That's sound's like a perfect advice ... I m totally agree with dawa_i_dil
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
andy936- aww u r so cute! lol well its not a big problem...i mean i understand yr feelings and you r rite in feeling the need to give yr wife some personal money but i m sure you dont need 2 worrie so much abt it and just talk to yr parents and they wl do it...dont ever go for any other means to send yr wife pocket money...that wl only betray yr parents trust on u...just tell them kay you want them 2 give yr wife some pocket money and i m sure they wont have a problem with that...its gr8 that u do realize that as a wife living w/o her husband she shud gets some personal money cuz maybe at times she feels shy to ask for money from yr parents...so dont wait any further and talk 2 yr parents soon.
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
Yeah She should be given some personal money... It doesn't matter if she spends it or not ... Or getting everything else from their In laws.... like food, clothes etc etc...talking about this problem with your father or mother can lead to a better soultion... She is now your wife & this is your responsibility to fulfill her requirements with out she asks you about it .....
Re: How to ask your parents ... When you are living in a joint family system.????
really good advise from people here andy. One that is very important is that aside from the advise regarding the initial question, is that of savings and financial planning.
You need to know what are the 'needs' of the family and what needs to be your share in providing for that. beyond that your money is yours, do what you want with it, hopefully you will use it wisely.
I dont know if there are others in the family that get the benefit of your salary, That is a sore subject and I have seen massive issues due to that i.e. brothers contribute unequal amounts to the household budget but then a favoured kid blows money on stuff or does not take initiative because he is taken care of.
case in point is of one gentleman I know who spent time away from his family, working in the middle east, sending almost all his salary home, and really being very tight with the money for spending it on himself. but then once the money got home, the good for nothing brother who stayed with the parents would throw temper tantrums and get money to blow on clothes, trips to northern areas and all. very unfair.
point being, u need to fulfill needs, and not everyone's wants. you can, and you should, but not above the needs of yourself and your wife.
