okay so I am a silent reader on this forum and need your help for someone very dear to me who lives in California. Well she is an 25 year old girl who is has a physical and mental disability. She is basically 25 but has a mind of a 16 year old. She lives with her Dad who is paki and has bought her up through many hardships. He has kind of brainwashed her into thinking that a women’s place is the home and not out. My friend goes to college and MA well very smart. But as she grows older she is not interested in college or doing anything at all. All she wants to do is get married. I mean yes IA that will happen but due to certain issues and medical stuff I dont know how well she will cope. All she does is watches indian soaps thinks about the day that she will be married.
I really dont see that happening but dont know how to tell her that. There is no one else in the picture that can help. But I guess I just want her to be happy and not heart broken. I know that she does not get any proposals due to cultural standards but she is very stubborn in her way.
Yeah stop being a busy body. I swear desi girls these days they create drama for themselves. Who gave you the right to decide what she should or should not do? You her mother? She is 25 years old. She can decide and her dad is father. You can't replace that.
She has the mind of a 16yr-old? Maybe u should sit down with her and explain in as nice a way as possible the importance of her being able to stand on her own two feet.. if she's mentally a bit slow she's more at risk of being treated badly by future inlaws or husband or other family members and then where will she be if she has to rely on them for everything? Her dad's attitude is worrying as well..
*What right does she have to just talk to the girl?? *
Maybe she wants to do it because she **cares.. **How is it better to turn a blind eye? Esp in the case of someone who might not be able to help his/herself.. Doesn't exactly sound like the father is doing much..
She has the mind of a 16yr-old? Maybe u should sit down with her and explain in as nice a way as possible the importance of her being able to stand on her own two feet.. if she's mentally a bit slow she's more at risk of being treated badly by future inlaws or husband or other family members and then where will she be if she has to rely on them for everything? Her dad's attitude is worrying as well..
Why are you assuming that her family is so dumb that they will get her married to a family which will not take good care of her ? I am sure her dad who has taken care of her for so long will make sure that she is married in a family which will take good care of his daughter .
You are being judgmental of the father who has spent so many years to raise this girl , it is not easy to raise normal kids let alone kids with disabilities and challenges. He will be highly rewarded by Allah inshallah for all the sacrifices he had to make to raise this girl.
*What right does she have to just talk to the girl?? *
Maybe she wants to do it because she **cares.. **How is it better to turn a blind eye? Esp in the case of someone who might not be able to help his/herself.. Doesn't exactly sound like the father is doing much..
So because she cares she has to right to interfere in the private family matters? Amazing. Hey I care for you, let me go around telling you what you should do and giving unsolicited advice. It is better for her to realize her place and see what she does or says does not ruin the relationship between the family members.
As always desi chicks getting involved in **** that is none of their business. Quit being aunties.
Why are you assuming that her family is so dumb that they will get her married to a family which will not take good care of her ? I am sure her dad who has taken care of her for so long will make sure that she is married in a family which will take good care of his daughter .
You are being judgmental of the father who has spent so many years to raise this girl , it is not easy to raise normal kids let alone kids with disabilities and challenges. He will be highly rewarded by Allah inshallah for all the sacrifices he had to make to raise this girl.
**Because he should be encouraging her to make something of herself, esp seeing as tho she's in a more vulnerable position than most girls..
I know if it was my dad he would be trying to make sure I'm never in a position where people could take advantage of me due to my being dependent on them..
**
Simply giving advice as a friend is hardly interfering, it's not like she's telling her to move out and leave her family or something..
**Because he should be encouraging her to make something of herself, esp seeing as tho she's in a more vulnerable position than most girls..
I know if it was my dad he would be trying to make sure I'm never in a position where people could take advantage of me due to my being dependent on them..**
And how do you know that ?
This girl will never be street smart and face many challenges of life , She will be better off being a housewife of a caring , helping , nice guy. He knows that and that is what he is training her for. We know she is mentally challenged and half of what she tells other might not be true and might be from her imagination. If you have the right to make assumptions so do I.
It's very naive to think the girl should just be left alone in her little bubble when we all know in reality when a guy marries a girl who is mentally or physically handicapped often he (and the inlaws) think they are doing her some massive favour and as a result she's usually not treated anywhere near as well as a 'normal' wife. At least if she's earning or has some education behind her she might not have to put up with this BS if it happens. If u feel as tho giving this simple piece if advice is 'interfering' I feel sorry for you.
*What right does she have to just talk to the girl?? *
Maybe she wants to do it because she **cares.. **How is it better to turn a blind eye? Esp in the case of someone who might not be able to help his/herself.. Doesn't exactly sound like the father is doing much..
Exactly ITS BECAUSE I CARE. I feel that she has no one else to turn to and that she doesnt really let anyone else connect with her or socialise with her. So no one else needs to. And I dont want to turn a blind eye. I just think that she should at that age of 16 not start or be obsessed with marriage as it could be long road before she can actually get settled. I guess prayer is the best thing I guess it had been bothering me for more than a couple of months that she was not motivated to do anything other than dream about who she will call to her wedding.
I guess in real life and a few threads on the forum its so easy for heart break to occur even when you are not impaired in any way. So I guess I was trying her to be saved from that heart break.
Earth to Deeba, come back to reality. Giving unwanted advice by someone outside the family is interfering.
Maybe you should come back to reality. If someone was in danger of being mistreated and u kept quiet because u thought it was wrong to give 'unwanted' advice (by the way it's most likely only unwanted by the elders anyway) that's pretty messed up imo.. Classic desi brainwashing.. 'Always look the other way'
And how do you know that ?
This girl will never be street smart and face many challenges of life , She will be better off being a housewife of a caring , helping , nice guy. He knows that and that is what he is training her for. We know she is mentally challenged and half of what she tells other might not be true and might be from her imagination. If you have the right to make assumptions so do I.
She might suit being a housewife, she might not but surely she should be able to make an informed decision for herself, not be encouraged to continue living in her own little bubble with the attitude of those around her being 'ignorance is bliss', only for the (perhaps harsh) reality to set in later. If she wasn't desi her family would prob be teaching her to be independent, not leaving it to 'fate' that she will somehow be ok..
^She can't be that handicapped that she can't even think for herself if she is able to go to College, just obviously a little slower than average and naive and a bit of a daydreamer..