How should one actually deal with accusations or indifference of attitude?
I have heard many many cases in fact where husbands give a damn about how big a thing child birth is. One of my friend’s husband even said “Tum pehli larki toh nahi ho jo bacha paida kar rahi hai”.
Same way, men who don’t care the least what you do for them .. how you maintain the home, how you handle relations, how you cook food for him etc… basically those for who only earning money is a big deal work.
Likewise, if your family’s behaviour, attitude, style or even what they do for you or your family means nothing at all to your husband .. instead there is always a plethora of issues with them.
Above all, talking is no way out .. and if you totally lose your cool and you react, you are called badtameez or confrontational … how should one actually handle such situations?
Wives - how can you let the matter end peacefully? Men - How should a wife put things that they can actually get into your heads and you can act upon rightly on it?
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
those men should be put in a burlap sack with a dozen big fat rats and then the burlap sack should be gentle rolled and beaten with some 2X4s for 15 seconds every minute for 5 minutes.
being a tough guy or macho which some desi men think they are being is not the same thing as being a richard which they are actually being.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
those men should be put in a burlap sack with a dozen big fat rats and then the burlap sack should be gentle rolled and beaten with some 2X4s for 15 seconds every minute for 5 minutes.
being a tough guy or macho which some desi men think they are being is not the same thing as being a richard which they are actually being.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
Same way, men who don't care the least what you do for them .. how you maintain the home, how you handle relations, how you cook food for him etc... basically those for who only earning money is a big deal work.
Stop working like a naukrani or house maid and it should solve this problem at-least.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
The question is what you did to remedy the situation ?
There are many ways to take care of such man, intervention , kick out of the bedroom, counseling , psychiatric evaluation and treatment , separation , divorce and as X2 said above good old beating. You can decide on the order of these steps depending your own situation.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
Get some kala jadu done or if things go over the top, do that old indian magic where pots would come flying over to your house and then over to your head and kaboom goes your liver and heart.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
Agree wid webmister, the woman should not be a door mat in da first place. The very first time he said to her that so what if u did this or that is the time she should have refused to do it the next time an tell him "it would nt be the first time dat a guy had to do it for himself". Whatever u do dat he is not gr8ful for just refuse to do it the next time and voila he knws now he either gna have to do it for himself or beg u to do it.
Seriously anyone who does sumthing for someone elses benefit and realizes it is gettin no appreciation den just stop doing it. Duty or no duty, if dats ur duty den the other person has duties towards u as well.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
bullies are cowards, and they are like spoilt children in general. we feed their bully-pana by not confronting them.
confront bullies (as long as personal safety is not an issue, in which case get the hell away anyways),
like children, they will throw bully version of tantrums, and it can get bad, but if you stay firm and when they see that its not going to work, they will fall in line. again the caveat being if the bully is abusive or goes there, in which case, that is not a relationship worth being in.. period.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
Agree wid webmister, the woman should not be a door mat in da first place. The very first time he said to her that so what if u did this or that is the time she should have refused to do it the next time an tell him "it would nt be the first time dat a guy had to do it for himself". Whatever u do dat he is not gr8ful for just refuse to do it the next time and voila he knws now he either gna have to do it for himself or beg u to do it.
Seriously anyone who does sumthing for someone elses benefit and realizes it is gettin no appreciation den just stop doing it. Duty or no duty, if dats ur duty den the other person has duties towards u as well.
With a relationship that's as sensitive as marriage, you can't really do what you have suggested. This doesn't mean that you turn into a doormat and take it all either but there's a better way of handling things. Give things time, give them the time to realize where they have been wrong..when the matter simmers-down then push your views and concerns forward and try to sort it out so it doesn't happen again.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
Inspired from Spiral's thread "Where am i wrong"
How should one actually deal with accusations or indifference of attitude?
I have heard many many cases in fact where husbands give a damn about how big a thing child birth is. One of my friend's husband even said "Tum pehli larki toh nahi ho jo bacha paida kar rahi hai".
Same way, men who don't care the least what you do for them .. how you maintain the home, how you handle relations, how you cook food for him etc... basically those for who only earning money is a big deal work.
Likewise, if your family's behaviour, attitude, style or even what they do for you or your family means nothing at all to your husband .. instead there is always a plethora of issues with them.
Above all, talking is no way out .. and if you totally lose your cool and you react, you are called badtameez or confrontational ... how should one actually handle such situations?
Wives - how can you let the matter end peacefully?
Men - How should a wife put things that they can actually get into your heads and you can act upon rightly on it?
I will give you a few tips because of unavailability of a straight answer.
generally speaking, nothing specific to any gender....
1) The only person you can change in this world is yourself
2) Always respect your spouse's anger
3) Learn to live if change is impossible
4) Concentrate on the responsibilities rather than the rights
5) You can easily get with a smile what you can easily lose in a debate
6) Each gender has been blessed with an armory to win, learn to use your gifts.
7) Marriage is all about compromise, don't think that you are the only one doing that.
8) More than often praise what you like about your spouse
9) Always try to justify (Intrapersonal dialogue) your spouse's behavior like you would justify your own
10) Always look at the positive aspects of the personality, we are all a mixture of a devil and an angel.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
In whatever situation you are, it is always easy to start with yourself to make a positive change. Get the courage and analyze yourself and see if someone's attitude towards you is because of your attitude toward that someone.
Re: How should men be handled in situations like these?
I will give you a few tips because of unavailability of a straight answer.
generally speaking, nothing specific to any gender....
1) The only person you can change in this world is yourself
2) Always respect your spouse's anger
3) Learn to live if change is impossible
4) Concentrate on the responsibilities rather than the rights
5) You can easily get with a smile what you can easily lose in a debate
6) Each gender has been blessed with an armory to win, learn to use your gifts.
7) Marriage is all about compromise, don't think that you are the only one doing that.
8) More than often praise what you like about your spouse
9) Always try to justify (Intrapersonal dialogue) your spouse's behavior like you would justify your own
10) Always look at the positive aspects of the personality, we are all a mixture of a devil and an angel.
I agree to many of your points but disagree to point no. 2 and 3.
You should never respect someone's anger because if you do, you give that someone a mean to overpower you. However, in relationship, you can make an effort not to make the other person angry, if that is in your means and justifiable.
Depends on the change itself. Physically and Emotionally abusive relationship may require other measures instead of compromise.