how should i behave...

Lifestyle Relationships
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**i will be going soon to Pakistan with my hubby..well my hubby is good and caring at home but when he is with his family,he tends to ignore me and becomes indifferent to me..he just shows care and love and generosity towards his family only and for me,he becomes very rude and insults me infront of them..for example,last time when my husband was with his family, we went to market..he would say to his mom and sis to buy this and that and whenever i tried to buy something,he said"y r u buying this?wasting money bla bla"…thats just an example…i am extremely jealous and frustrated when me and my hubby and his family is together…that was the reason that last time we were together,i fought with my husband for most of the times..

please tell me how should i deal with this?i have already started dreading the situation when we all will be together in one home in pakistan..plz tell me how should i behave? what should i do when my husband ignores me?how should i not be angry or sensitive or frustrated when he is caring for his family and not me..?plz help..**

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Re: how should i behave...

It is not highly accepted in our culture for the husband to show affection to his wife infront of his family or anyone else for that matter. So don't sweat if you doesn't call you "jaan" or other endearing words infront of his family...however he should not be RUDE. There's a difference between being neutral and being rude". The key to solving any conflict is communication. Talk to him, tell him how you feel...tell him you want to feel a little more loved, and cared for even around his family. If he loves you and cares for you as you say, he'll listen.

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Re: how should i behave...

well last time when this happened,i did tell him that i didnt like this that u were so not caring about me and just about ur own family and he said that u r being over-sensitive and all..
i know he wont change,and only one person that i can change is myself...so plz tell me how shud i behave when he is ignoring me and how can i be not jealous and frustrated when he doent care for me and only for his own family..

4

Re: how should i behave...

Maybe you are being too sensitive? it's not such a terrible thing if your husband asks "why are you buying this?". Listen.. there's no reason for you to be "jealous". Your husband loves his mother, his sister and you....but they're all different types of love. His mother or sister will never get the kind of love from him, that YOU will. You're his wife...there's no reason for you to be jealous unless he's hitting on other women. You might be looking into this too much...wait and see if he does anything else to put you down. If he doesn't, then don't read into it too much...keep yourself busy with other pleasent things so you won't waste time on petty things.

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Re: how should i behave...

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Re: how should i behave...

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Re: how should i behave...

When he asks you why are you buying this, tell him I want or need this and end the conversation right there. Don't wait for his approval on it and also don't ever bring up the fact that he himself asks his family to buy things and isn't so happy when you want to buy some thing.

Ignore everything else and enjoy the trip!

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Re: how should i behave...

Some men, after marriage, change and forget everything but their wives. Some others keep the balance. They are good to their family and wife alike. Maybe because they are God fearing and do not want to be unfair to either. Your man doesn't belong to both the categories so maybe you should not expect him to behave the way you idealize or want.

If you want this marriage to work, you will have to be generous, generous, generous, and giving. I know it might feel awful, it even sounds awful. But this is how people win the trust of those who are not ready to trust others. And once and if you won your husband' trust, which will happen, sooner or later, In sha Allah, one day, he will have to give you the status you desire and deserve.

Well and I believe this is something that was very much prevalent in the previous generation where it was considered odd for the couple to behave the way today's couples do normally. Our mothers did spend their lives with sacrifice, generosity, patience and tolerance. And these habits are rewarding, no doubt.

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Re: how should i behave...

Aapka husband bara ghalat aadmi hai.............:(

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Re: how should i behave...

Always being the one who's expected to sacrifice often makes people resentful in the end tho and to be honest I see a LOT of women of past generations who come across as quite bitter and seem to take out their frustrations now they have become MILs themselves on their own DILs..

Totally agree..

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Re: how should i behave...

You sound so much like nadz123.

Are you sure you're not her?

12

Cutee aneee u have so many issues, not being funny

Ur the same girl who's hubby wasn't speaking to her for bein rude etc

Is there not a day that goes by where there isn't a issue which arises in your marriage how long have u been married for??????

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Re: how should i behave...

I completely agree

Also, if you win over the hearts of your inlaws in this manner, they might out of mere observation watch out for you and if your husband is for instance buying them everything they want and you seem left out, they might say "what do you want?" to you as well and include you.

Secondly, he is with you away from family generally. It is natural that when he is with them for the little time he is, he treats them special. You should not begrudge him that.

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Re: how should i behave...

well when i am at my MIL's house in Pakistan,i don't have anything to keep myself busy...i can't go out on my own,i have to sit with them and spend maximum time with them and all that,i think u understand how it is when we are in a joint family..so thats the big reason i have all my attention towards my hubby and his attitude towards me..:(..i know when i am with them i become over-sensitive...and my days are like hell..

well thats what i did but he said u already have too much of that but still u gotta buy this or that..believe me ,he never said anything to me when i am alone with him and buying things...y he does that in front of his own family...

that would be sooo frustrating for me...the though of giving,giving, giving all the time is so disappointing..like i also expect things in return...:(..if i have to think this,it makes me dislike him...

no i am not nadz..

yeah i do have many issues and who doesn't have issues..its just that i am all alone and i don't have anyone to discuss those issues here so i just found this forum to vent..is there something wrong with that? like there are many people here who told me to discuss my issues here as i will feel better..and i do get some really good advice from people on this forum..

its been a year almost...

why should they ask me that what do i want and all..y not my husband??? y should i be on their rehm-o-karam?? thats so annoying..:(

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Re: how should i behave...

I think you need to make your peace with the fact that since he sees them very seldom and lives with you, he will always give them special attention when he is with them. And there is nothing wrong with that. If you carry around unrealistic expectations then you will be disappointed.

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yeah i do have many issues and who doesn't have issues..its just that i am all alone and i don't have anyone to discuss those issues here so i just found this forum to vent..is there something wrong with that? like there are many people here who told me to discuss my issues here as i will feel better..and i do get some really good advice from people on this forum..

its been a year almost...

CA it's only been a year take it easyee u need to b patience with him. Your stillp getting to know it other .

I don't understand y wives have issues when it comes to their hubbies spend time o money on their families. This shouldn't b a issue as long as he is also providing for you it doesn't matter.

As for asking him for things when he takes out his mum n sister n u go to pick up something n he turns round n say y do u need that, r u jus impluse buying jus so he buys for u too in front of your in laws.

And if u really need the items and he turns and say NO I'm not buying it, then buy it yourself. do u really need him to buy everything.

Yes I know everyone has issues I've had my fair share over the last 9ish years of marriage I still do, but there some issues I can use common sense and try to deal with myself.

The best thing you can do is give him some space n be patience with him, even if your fault when u argue jus say SORRY, and get on with the rest of the day. Don't drag argurments out. 2ndly in front of your in laws don't show issues that ur annoyed with him about buying things etc, they will always c that it wrong.

Lastly u've only been married a year it will take time for u to get to know what u like how u behave etc etc. Every day isn't a honeymoon but if u want to stay happy u need to learn to b patience n act like the grown up one in marriage!

When u say your alone and have no one here where r u I mean which country etc???