How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

how long have you been with her?

22

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

@ redvelvet,
I can't tell whats her part of story. I can never figure out whats actually running in her mind. For your first point, yes the statement "i want to make best effort" is bit vague because i am also not sure how to do it. What else you can do over phone or text messages other than cheering her up if shes upset, listening to her if she is sharing her problems with you, giving proper time each day, no lies, showing respect for her family members, taking her opinion before buying the things which will be used mutually by both of you in future, not ever tried to impose any kind of restrictions on her (like typical desi mangetars do) instead shown complete trust on her that whatever she wants to do she should do it, sending surprise gifts on special days like her birthday, never shouting on her over phone (but she does). I have literally talked her about every concern she had and she also appreciated many times the way i care for her.

However according to her, for some unknown reasons i am changed (i didnt know that i have changed). But yes, i am not a saint, i have normal human like emotions, i can get angry and say some harsh thing after showing patience if i am nagged/blamed over and over again for things which i didnt do/meant. And if i get angry, then its completely unacceptable because in this relation anger showing should always be unidirectional (she never said it but shows it from her behavior).

I agree with other points you wrote (2-4), Actually you have written exactly my thoughts. My intention is only that if i go out of this, i should have in mind that "i tried my best but it was not meant to be".

For you last point, specially visiting her is not possible. As i am living in US and will fly to Pak for my wedding after few months (if it takes place).

23

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

@ R.A.W

Brother i appreciate your advice and sharing of your own experience. Point is, probably you never felt during your own phase that you have lost your respect. Yes i know she has concerns, but i have always spoken her about her concerns (which she discussed with me). Engagement period is supposed to be a happy period. Did you have feelings like lack of respect and all negatives thoughts that it may not work out? Did you go for your marriage with such feelings?

Yes sometime ago, i thought the same that it should be short distance asap, then problems will be solved. But seeing her behavior and frequency of arguments/issues and see my self loosing my temper after her constant nagging and criticism, i doubt this idea.

24

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

1 n half year.

25

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

Replied to it, sorry if you received it multiple times. Probably sent messages are not shown or there is some problem in my browser.

26

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

What much is left when you have already presumed the relationship be doomed and having no future. I dont see any hope here.

27

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

dont end it. she is probably as anxious as you are. it is just that you both are far apart and thus it is causing difficulty. ask her seriously if she wants to continue this relationship. 1.5 yr is a long time, ending it will be nasty

28

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

This is coming from experience having gone through an LDR-phase in my relationship with my now-fiance, I can assure you I had moments of insecurity and wondering whether we were compatible or not. The truth is, chatting through out the week is NOT helping. Chatting or communication in the form of texts is a pain in the neck because more than half the time you aren't able to articulate your tone which then causes misunderstandings. She seems to want assurance from you that you are going to be there for her and always put her first. Fighting and arguing happens, ESPECIALLY when you're in an LDR and your main form of communication is chatting. You both are probably misunderstanding each other.

For starters, call each other more frequently. Since family members ARE aware of this relationship and even the problems you guys are having, they will probably encourage you to talk more. You need to improve your communication. As for her saying you are changing, I felt the same way about my fiance when our arguments started becoming more frequent and it turned out that all our arguments were due to lack of communication and misunderstanding of tone over e-communication or during the days we hadn't talked much voice-to-voice. These problems would only resolve when we talked voice-to-voice with each other and really talked it out. We've been together 4+ years and there is never an argument we cannot resolve when we talk it out. You need to resolve ALL your problems over the phone, never do it over chatting or email. EVER.

As for the "problems", it can be that she requires more assurance from you and since you guys are long well into this relationship, she probably feels you aren't trying as hard as you used to. Obviously she needs to realize that you are human and aren't going to be in the honeymoon phase your entire life but until you guys are actually living together, you both need to put in more effort to assure each other you guys love one another and WANT this to work. And starting with putting a stop on saying stuff about the relationship ending. If you keep bringing it up, the integrity of your relationship will seriously be gone. I know in the heat of the moment you end up saying it, but if you truly do not mean it, you have to stop from saying it out loud. Just remember that every relationship goes through their phases of doubt, uncertainty and insecurity but it's up to you guys to reassure each other why you want to be together. I know it can be annoying but a LDR is a bit different than the average relationship and needs a LOT more communication than other relationships which have a physical aspect so it demands a lot of assuring and reassuring. And of course, good and solid communication in the form of talking with each other. I am pretty certain once you guys are living together, everything will fall into place.

29

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

long engagement its-self is a problem let alone long-distance-long-engagement

Here is a kicker for you, no matter what, these problems will remain. Your best bet is to change it into real-close-relation ship (aka shadi)

30

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

^True but it still better to resolve your issues beforehand than going into the shaadi and having them resurface unresolved. And then you have a whole new set of problems to deal with and with a much scarier potential outcome if things don't work out.

31

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

I totally agree but what I am saying that these problems will keep on popping up. Tylenol can suppress the fever for sometime but you always have to treat the root cause i.e long-distance-engagement

32

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

another option is short-distance-engagement

33

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

not an option for OP. uss ke engegement pehley hee lambeeeeeeee ho chuki hai :)

34

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

break up.

35

Re: How one can make "best of efforts" to save a long distance relationship?

.