when choosing a spouse? Lets say he/she did few blunders in life, learned from them corrected his/her mistakes and moved on. Should one forgive and forget, specially when he/she is ready to tell you everything?
if he/she is being honest with u, and have actually hearned from the past and not repeated the mistakes again, it should be overlooked :)
kuttay kee dum kabhee seedhee naheen hoatee
It depends on the couples mutual understanding, maturity and most of all trust. I believe in giving people another chance & for me it wouldn't be a big deal even everything is not disclosed. My wife might think differently on this issue.
I think it depends upon how much you are able read into the person when she/he has supposedly told you the truth and has (supposedly) corrected the mistakes.
forgive yes.
forget no.....
Yes we learn from our mistakes.
thats true.
aghar wo sache dil se mudhje bataata haye ke Jo kuch huwa.... and now he aint doing that...........
ya to phir usse sabak haasil ho ghaya haye....... then yes I can forgive.......
couse I expect the same thing back when I tell him about my past...
Yes it matters,,,
couse whatever happens in the past..
us se insaan ka aaJ bantaa haye..,..
but no... you should not depend on it,,,,,,, and make your Judgements about the person what has happend in the past.....
learn ... and move on.......
I might sounds really naive fantay.. but thin is .. if u kno the person is being honest with u.. n is opening upto u ... i dont think the past matters at all !!! .. noone is perfect.. thats sumthin i really believe in... n everyone makes mistakes in their life that they r not really proud of... i did ... for the same reason.. others might hav to... m always willing to giv other person a chance to show me that the person wont do the same mistake again .. so far .. i hav never regret my decision... but then its just me... as i said.. m not perfect myself... ;) .. its just that m not the kinda person.. who lingers on past events n keep bringin up the past into future events... i might b wrong by not doin that... but then.. its just me... :)
4give him/her if he/she is sincere with u no,one is perfect everyone do something which is wrong
if he/she sincerely opologies then definately 4give him/her
I'm hearing countless folk say oh forgive him, question is who are you to forgive him? what gives you the right to be in a superior position to say "oh its ok i forgive you". How it should be looked upon is that you hear for what he has to say, hear him out till your ears bleed but make sure you know it all because if that mistake is done with you then in that case its up to you to forgive or not. Right now your just looking at him as a candidate not as a guilty prisoner.
Forgive how can you forgive them for something that didn’t involve you directly (and by ‘you’ I mean one) so really you would be gaining an understanding of it and starting fresh together. However if its something you really think that can’t be forgotten than its actually doing the person a favor by telling them that their past is something that might cause conflicts in the future. It will be more hurtful to say you have forgotten yet to rub it in their face later on. Like coco 
said it better to have a one on one conversation with the person to hear all they have to say about what happened and how they have changed from them and not from someone else.No need to involve a third party. At that point you can share your reaction, input, or have questions answered. Seems tedious but its better done before to avoid future struggles it might bring about.
Hmmm as far as giving someone chances you can’t be so lenient with him or her, because that just gives them all the reason to do something and than have that as a means to evade the consequences.
I think it's different frm person to person ...har kisi ka sochnay ka nadaz alag hota hai ...For me past dosent matter really ..we live and we learn that is all ! aur agar ur partner is being honest with u thu it's not fair ke aap bad mein ussay bar bar remain karwatay rahaen ..it depends also on ur feeling for ur partner and the love u both share now .
some ppl says Forgive but not forget ...it's hard to forget sometimes but I dont forget my faluts , lakin always try to forget others .lakin as aleezay says no one is perfecet :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CocoNut: *
I'm hearing countless folk say oh forgive him, question is who are you to forgive him? what gives you the right to be in a superior position to say "oh its ok i forgive you". How it should be looked upon is that you hear for what he has to say, hear him out till your ears bleed but make sure you know it all because if that mistake is done with you then in that case its up to you to forgive or not. Right now your just looking at him as a candidate not as a guilty prisoner.
[/QUOTE]
I agree if someone makes a mistake that involves others we have no right to forgive. But there are mistakes that effect you and only you.
Many people here would say religion is his/her personal problem agreed!!! But when you are looking from marriage point of view its no more a personal problem and had to be looked into. So what if someone did something wrong religiously and then realised its forbidden and left it. Can we forget abt it in that case and look to the future? Because when it comes to religion Allah himself is very forgiving specially when we learn from our mistakes and seek forgiveness. Am using the word forget and not forgive because I think its wrong to use the word here. Forget probably is the right word. So should we or shouldn't we forget?
If we want Allah to forgive and forget our mistakes, why can't we do the same for our fellow humans. Ofcourse when we seek forgiveness from Allah , we mean it and make a promise not to do the same again. Same applies to humans.
Choor chori se jaye herapheri se na jaye ..
forgive and forget.. just make sure it doesnt happen again.. one can never erase their past :) so move on!
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is my “dum” showing?? 