I’m interested in your thoughts on how much where you were brought up matters when considering a partner for marriage?
Basically guys/girls raised in west marrying someone brought up in Pakistan. I have a good friend who has received some decent proposals from guys brought up in Pakistan but she seems reluctant to consider because she thinks they will be “very different”. I don’t agree but interested in hearing people’s views especially anyone who is part of such a marriage.
Re: How much does background matter
I personally think it matters to quite an extent. The complete change in lifestyle may or may not be easily accepted. If it is easily accepted, good. If not, won't be a pretty journey. But then again, it differs from person to person.
Re: How much does background matter
I personally think it matters to quite an extent. The complete change in lifestyle may or may not be easily accepted. If it is easily accepted, good. If not, won't be a pretty journey. But then again, it differs from person to person.
ayyy this.
Re: How much does background matter
Sorry just to clarify both people live in the west now so it's not about one moving elsewhere if that's what you mean by lifestyle change
Re: How much does background matter
tomatoes, tomato.
It doesn't matter. the only thing that keeps any relation together is good ikhlaaq. 'enuf said.
Re: How much does background matter
She should be okay unless she finds a guy with extreme views on life, wife, jews, shia's, hanood, and the morally corrupt west!
Re: How much does background matter
Upbringing does matter to some extent but what really matters is how much value both put on their relationship and how much they are willing to compromise for it.
I have met couples born and raised in west with 360 degree thought process and couples who are born and raised in East and West yet they are living a happy marital life (and vise versa)
Re: How much does background matter
tomatoes, tomato. It doesn't matter. the only thing that keeps any relation together is good ikhlaaq. 'enuf said.
Are you married?
Re: How much does background matter
He wont answer you because of his good ikhlaqs
Re: How much does background matter
Are you married?
going to be in a couple of month.... for the 2nd time ;)
i bring marriages, and few "good-as marriages" experience to the table from several years, sista!
:p
Re: How much does background matter
^^ 
Good as marriages?
Wah!
Re: How much does background matter
you know how it is…you think "she the one " and all…then “she def not the one some day…” :-\ sigh. I aint a playa 
Re: How much does background matter
what matters is how the two are able to work things out and live together
Re: How much does background matter
oh Good. We got some survivors.
Re: How much does background matter
I think with most arranged marriages - people tend to look at the family first, judge the parents, their character/personality and then proceed to look at the guy/girl in question. With people living in the West, and with my own family who's been here for quite a long time - most of my cousins and my siblings wanted to marry others already settled in the West. I think a lot of it came down to similar lifestyles, and also some feared that they didn't really know the intentions of those living back home so didn't want to take any chances.
I don't see anything wrong with marrying someone from Pakistan/India IF both are compatible and the families genuinely get along. The only thing is life in the West may be a shock to some immigrating - so it takes time for them to become accustomed to living here and figuring things out. It won't be like the person immigrates and tomorrow they'll be working somewhere desirable and well settled. It will just take more time for them to adjust.
Re: How much does background matter
I think with most arranged marriages - people tend to look at the family first, judge the parents, their character/personality and then proceed to look at the guy/girl in question. With people living in the West, and with my own family who's been here for quite a long time - most of my cousins and my siblings wanted to marry others already settled in the West. I think a lot of it came down to similar lifestyles, and also some feared that they didn't really know the intentions of those living back home so didn't want to take any chances.
I don't see anything wrong with marrying someone from Pakistan/India IF both are compatible and the families genuinely get along. The only thing is life in the West may be a shock to some immigrating - so it takes time for them to become accustomed to living here and figuring things out. It won't be like the person immigrates and tomorrow they'll be working somewhere desirable and well settled. It will just take more time for them to adjust.
yeah I think that's a different question when someone has to immigrate and adjust to a new life. What I'm talking about here is someone who was raised in Pakistan but has been settled in the west for a couple of years post education.
Re: How much does background matter
Obviously very important but two people who've grown up on the same street can be extremely different. The basic idea is that two people should sit down and discuss what they want in life, what they expect from their significant others and what they want for future children. If their views meet then maybe they're worth the risk.
Re: How much does background matter
Then I don’t really see that as a problem. There’s a lot of people like that who immigrate during the school years and it’s definitely enough time for them to adjust. As long as the people in question have similar goals in life and are compatible it should work.
Re: How much does background matter
I actually do agree with this quite a bit.
I don’t think background matters as much but it DOES matter to people who give it a lot of importance.
If two people want to work things out, nothing can stop them. If they do not, nothing can stop them.
Its all about priorities.