For my brother’s engagement, his in-laws wanted it to be a simple affair. We ourselves didnt want the girl’s side to be over burdened with too much of stuff. Anyway, since we have a really big family. We decided that we call only elders and that too were some 40 people already (including my family, elders of both sides, and broither’s closest friends). Although we are very close and happy with our cousins, we opted to not call any one because it was not fair to over pressurize the girl’s family on just the engagement with 70 people from our side especially when they have simple engagement ceremonies.
As per expectation, when we invited the elders every one was angry and said so many bad things. People said such rude things like “Even on our funerals there are 100s of people and here on an engagement you guys didn’t call the kids". Some even said “Cant the girl’s side afford anything - is that why they are not calling us?” .. "The nice impression you are trying to make isnt going through to them” ..“You shouldven even have called us.” We have great relations with our relatives but why dont people try to understand the situation of the guy’s side that they cant take too many guests it doesn tlook nice and the situation of the girl’s side that it is just plain unfair to over load a family just because they are the girl’s side. If you even try to understand their situation other people force you to just force you upon them. Anyway, we decided to invite all and informed about some more guests to brother’s finacee’s family. They had the same preparations according to a simple engagement. My relatives were surprised why it wasnt a posh affair or a big mega event as they were expecting. Firstly, they had wanted a simple function. Secondly, we over burndened them with a million guests because of others and now people complain that it wasnt a hi-fi money flowing every where event. I am just pissed how people never ever empathize with others! ERRR
oh and even if you did to an ultra uber expensive engagement ( i did) family generally does not bother saying WOW!!! they will just compare it to something ... best you did something different ;)
its a toughie... you know teh same happened at my engagmenet and even wedding... my in laws gave us a small number of ppl we could invite and it was impossible for us cuz our extended family only numbers in the 70's... they themselves didnt have any relatives in pakistan .. just a few 20.... so we told them no way can we only have 70...
these things are tough..
i hope the number of ppl increases at the wedding for your families sake :)
Its tacky but what can you say? Its not enough for some people to be invited...they have to critisize and affair that was paid for by someone else. All they had to do was show up and eat.
Not to sound unsympathetic, but take a deep breath and try to get over it.
Pretty much everyone who has ever gotten married has experienced some sort of drama at the hands of people they thought were their supporters.
Nothing shows you who your true friends are better than a wedding (except maybe, unfortunately, a funeral). Take this as a tough lesson that you can't please everybody and should just go ahead and do what you want so long as it doesn't displease Allah.
Well you know some people really do want to come to your weddings.. lol. I don't see anything wrong with it. And yes to some its very improtant that they get invited and do get mad. I have been mad at people I have invited on my nikah that only consisted of 25 people and they didn't bother inviting me at their wedding.
So I think passing rude comments is pretty stupid.. yeah but I am also somewhat in favor of inviting people in your family ... apni zindgai ki sab se bari khushi main. Of course if you don't invite them to your khushi don't expect them to show up on someone's funeral.
It doesn't have to be a big posh event. Mine was very very simple.. We didn't book some Marriott and this and that.. but I made sure whever the event was, I was able to invite all my family members. It was a strike in karachi but man oh man so many people showed up. My parents were overwelmed with the love.
^I agree. If I invited someone to my nikah, I'd be hurt if they didn't invite me to theirs. Though, like you, it's still bad form to make rude comments so I would refrain from doing that (Inshallah) despite the hurt.
But this wasn't a nikah. This was an engagement party where they didn't want to burden the bride's side with too many people. I'm sure DD is planning on inviting everybody to the wedding itself.
^^ Oh right. I thought she was talking about a wedding.. If its engagement its all good. I think a better solution would've been to help the bride's family with the financial burden. But if its just engagement I can understand inviting just few family members.
