with a guy seeing a girl in your family alone if she is away for schooling, etc and she lives away from family in an apartment, without the guy asking anyone’s permission to see her. I.e. he shows up in town and wants to hang out with her for a few days?
Re: How Many of You Would Be Ok...
Personally I'd think if she was responsible enough to be living away she'd be responsible enough to make her own decisions and that would include those regarding her social and personal life..
I wouldn't expect permission to be needed.. but maybe that's just me..
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If her parents are paying for her education they have a say.
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No I wouldn't be ok with it.
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Depends on her maturity level and age.
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Your OP makes it sound kind of sketchy, as if a random man is trying to meet secretly with the woman (WOMAN, not girl). That would not be okay.
However, if it's more like a potential rishta the family knows about is meeting independently with the woman, that doesn't seem to be a problem at all. It is up to the woman to negotiate with her parents what she can and cannot do, and what she will ask permission about and what she will simply inform them about. That is her responsibility. Not his.
Re: How Many of You Would Be Ok...
Personally I'd think if she was responsible enough to be living away she'd be responsible enough to make her own decisions and that would include those regarding her social and personal life..
^ This. Living alone, the girl is obviously deciding who to hang out with and when/where using her own judgment on a daily basis. I don't see any reason why her judgment isn't good enough when it comes to a guy for rishta purposes. Additionally, if the girl is living alone in a different city, I don't think it's unreasonable for a guy to expect that the girl will meet him alone at a busy coffee shop or at a busy restaurant for lunch or something without having a parent present so the two of them can talk.
Of course, a girl's age and how long she has been living alone is a factor too. For example, if a girl is 19 and has been living on her own for 6 months....then I can see why she/her parents would have a problem with a guy wanting to meet her alone without getting parental "permission". But if we're talking about a 30 year old woman who has been living away from family for almost 10 years, then it's a completely different situation.
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yes in a public place. No going upstairs to her apartment. Thats how it is in our family
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Define 'hang out' please.
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If the gentleman is coming to visit from out of town, it is quite likely that he would be keen on going out (as in to public places) and seeing the city and sights. "Hanging out" is not synonymous with staying in at home. One can hang out at a restaurant, coffee shop, or other public place.
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i guess it is the girl responsability to ask permission from whoever she needs to ask. the guy is not forcing her so i would be ok with his actions if the girl agree
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Out of courtesy, I'd meet him once at a public place.
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If she is old enough to live alone I would think she would be responsible and mature to choose who to associate with. I think the parents should meet the guy if there are any doubts.
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What I don't know does not concern me ... So long as the individual knows that to be in a private place with a member of the opposite sex is not allowed then I should trust their judgment call ...
If I am made aware of this meeting then a different dynamic might come to play where I might suggest that another older female from the family go along too.
Re: How Many of You Would Be Ok...
with a guy seeing a girl in your family alone if she is away for schooling, etc and she lives away from family in an apartment, without the guy asking anyone's permission to see her. I.e. he shows up in town and wants to hang out with her for a few days?
If parents have no problem her living far away independently then why is this question being even asked?
Do parents not know she can see anyone, any time, for however long when they are not living close to her?
Now: If she is give some sort of permission to live far with conditions to let the parents know about her meeting a man like this, then "hanging out for a few days" could be a problem for those parents.
Ask her parents or guardians or please give more info.
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I wouldn't approve of that.
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If this could turn into a potential spouse then I think I would personally tell my parents about him. But if the guy wants it to be something that I don't tell anyone about.. I wouldn't feel comfortable even meeting him. If you're worried that telling people will put expectations on you to get married to him - then you can meet him in a public place and see what kind of a person he is.
But I think if the guy overall is a good rishta candidate then I would at least tell my mom. If you're already living on your own and working in a city solo, then I think you've gained enough trust from your parents and I wouldn't ever want to jeopardize that personally.
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now that I read your other thread and there's a context to this question, I think it's sketchy. if it's for rishta purposes and "arranged", I think it's weird for the guy to just cut out the elders from the picture and show up without telling anyone.
If she is in a shuttle cock burqa of the kind that even the eyes have a mesh on them, then it is 100 percent kosher by me. Note I did not.say halal.
How Many of You Would Be Ok...
Yes. Also what Deeba said.
Happens all the time in my family, after the initial introduction. Then kids meet on their own and get to know each other on their own terms before parents get heavily involved to finalize the deal. When it's rishta related, the relationships either continues into marriage or there is a falling out very early on because when it isn't going to work, it just isn't going to work and you know quite early on after a couple of conversations. That involves meeting wherever the two adults seem fit. Usually restaurants and sight seeing "hanging out" type meet ups. They decide.
If a girl is being pursued by a potential suitor and she doesn't like the way the guy is going about it then clearly the two have different mind sets and it probably isn't going to work out. Why drag all the other drama into it. Everything else is complicating the situation in my opinion when you don't already like the guys approach, it's not for you? Cool, best of luck and go your separate ways. If you want to be pursued then allow it. If you wanna go arranged then let mom and dad handle the difficult part and be open to who they chose regardless of any rishta politics (ie: gifts, expectations etc.) You can have both but you don't seem flexible enough to handle the in-between mix of things.