Tribal hierarchical values. I don’t demand respect from my boys because of my position as a father. If I make an effort to be a good father and a husband respect and love comes naturally.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
Here is how many in the west see it. How do you? A copy paste from a blog
cubedemon6073 wrote:
If a person is not owed respect at all then it should be logically true to say that parents are not owed respect by their children and the parents have to earn the respect from their children. In this case, the converse is true as well. The children have to earn respect from their parents as well. There is a contradiction though in the certain people's values. These as parents expect their children to have unquestionable obedience and respect for them without having to earn it from the children. This is not only contradictory to the axiom that a person is not owed respect at all and they have to earn it it is also contradictory to the axiom of a person being entitled to nothing. This means a child is expected to take two contradictory statements from the certain folks and believe both at the same time. There is such an inconsistency and contradiction to this.
Do people actually believe this? I don't expect my kids to have unquestionable obedience or respect for me. I expect to have to earn their respect and I respect them questioning authority (as long as it is done in a reasonably, respectful way). If what I tell them has no basis, they have a right to question that. If I am treating them with hostility of disrespect, I don't expect them to respect me simply because I am their mother.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
As a parent, you have to provide for your children and take care of them. That alone deserves respect. I don't believing in raising disrespectful children. Teach them to respect every human instead of teaching them to only respect those who do something for them. Terrible.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
Not sure about tribal "hierarchical"values. Or I might not be understanding the first two posts properly but if its something closer to family values, for sure most of us are not following it the way our previous generation made us follow. There are a number of daily life examples which can be quoted to proof that.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
As a parent, you have to provide for your children and take care of them. That alone deserves respect. I don't believe in raising disrespectful children. Teach them to respect every human instead of teaching them to only respect those who do something for them. Terrible.
So I guess your answer is that you subscribe to tribal and feudal values and people should be respected for their position. The basic difference in the eastern and western premise of raising children is that eastern people think that the child owes the parent unconditional respect and obedience because they resulted in his birth and they provided for him. Whereas in west the opportunity to raise a child and watch him grow up is a privilege and reward in itself and the child does not owe his life to the parent.
Respect comes naturally from your actions and if you are worthy of respect you won't need to demand it.
If you are worthy of respect by virtue of being a parent alone then where is the incentive for good actions. A jerk and a good father would both get parental respect.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
So I guess your answer is that you subscribe to tribal and feudal values and people should be respected for their position. The basic difference in the eastern and western premise of raising children is that eastern people think that the child owes the parent unconditional respect and obedience because they resulted in his birth and they provided for him. Whereas in west the opportunity to raise a child and watch him grow up is a privilege and reward in itself and the child does not owe his life to the parent.
Respect comes naturally from your actions and if you are worthy of respect you won't need to demand it.
If you are worthy of respect by virtue of being a parent alone then where is the incentive for good actions. A jerk and a good father would both get parental respect.
You are mixing too many thinges together. Respect, obedience, owing life to someone are all different things. Everyone deserves a level of respect unless they do something that makes you lose respect for them. That is the principle I believe in. I respect everybody unless the individual proves he/she is not worthy of it. Just because I respect someone doesn't mean I have to obey them and it certainly doesn't mean I owe my life to them. It isn't just about being parents but it has everything to do with raising polite and sensible children. No wonder kids today are too entitled because they are taught that respect is earned so naturally they go around disrespecting everyone no matter who they are. They think 'earning respect' means someone doing them a favor. I believe everyone deserves respect unless proven otherwise.
Also, it has nothing to do with eastern or western values. I grew up in the US and my family isn't very traditional or religious at all. I have come to know that we all should be respected regardless of our rank in society. To me the president of the US deserves less respec than a homeless man I just met on the street. Do you why why? Because I know nothing about the homeless man so who am I to disrespect him?
The answer to the title of this thread is ...
all of us.
Well, all except the op
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
You are mixing too many thinges together. Respect, obedience, owing life to someone are all different things. Everyone deserves a level of respect unless they do something that makes you lose respect for them. That is the principle I believe in. I respect everybody unless the individual proves he/she is not worthy of it. Just because I respect someone doesn't mean I have to obey them and it certainly doesn't mean I owe my life to them. It isn't just about being parents but it has everything to do with raising polite and sensible children. No wonder kids today are too entitled because they are taught that respect is earned so naturally they go around disrespecting everyone no matter who they are. They think 'earning respect' means someone doing them a favor. I believe everyone deserves respect unless proven otherwise.
Also, it has nothing to do with eastern or western values. I grew up in the US and my family isn't very traditional or religious at all. I have come to know that we all should be respected regardless of our rank in society. To me the president of the US deserves less respec than a homeless man I just met on the street. Do you why why? Because I know nothing about the homeless man so who am I to disrespect him?
I tend to go with respect everyone until proven otherwise, but then we have all these threads PILs behaving atrociously and posters opining that since they are parents they deserve to be respected. Regarding the younger people they seem to have much better values than us they are less racist, less sexist and have more humanism values.
@TLK why should a child of a jerk, lets say who beat and abused his mother be respected. My friends dad who cheated on his mother, abandoned his kids and married a young woman from Pakistan is now very aggressively demanding respect from the children.
How is a father who puts his needs ahead of his family deserving of same respect and love as someone who put his families needs ahead of his. Parents here work hard to build relationships and bonds as their is no tribal decree that enforces a bond that wasn't worked on.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
Parents must be respected unless they prove otherwise.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
in Islam, as we are alHamdolillah Muslims, it's incumbent upon chidren to love and respect and be obedient to parents even if they are not a good parent. you can ONLY disobey them if they ask their them to disobey Allah's commands. we have the example of Hazrat Ibraheem [a.s.]. his father forced him to sell idols. he did NOT disobey him but he described the idols as useless before selling them. this way he fulfilled his duty as a slave of Allah and also his responsibility as a son to obey his parent.
Allah commands us to obey our parents and not to even say 'uff' to them. the reason Allah gave is this:
*love, obey and respect your parents as they loved and took care of you.
*
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
So I guess your answer is that you subscribe to tribal and feudal values and people should be respected for their position. The basic difference in the eastern and western premise of raising children is that eastern
There is little difference between eastern and western values when it comes to this subject. You will find people who adhere to both viewpoints in both regions.
people think that the child owes the parent unconditional respect and obedience because they resulted in his birth and they provided for him.
and people should think this way......
having and raising a child to the age where they become capable of looking after themselves requires compassion and effort.
once a child is old enough to practice and show respect, he/she should do so simply for the fact that he/she was looked after when he/she could not do it for him/herself.
the opportunity to raise a child and watch him grow up is a privilege and reward in itself and the child does not owe his life to the parent.
granted the child does not owe his/her life to the parent, the parent also does not owe their feelings of gratitude for this "privilege" to the child; those feelings are reserved for Allah, the Creator that provided this privilege. the parent also does not forfeit the right to respect from the child simply because Allah deemed them worthy of the privilege.
if the parent is asking for respect for their role in bringing this child to a point where they are capable to look after themselves then they are owed respect for that.
Respect comes naturally from your actions and if you are worthy of respect you won't need to demand it.
Yes...this is a lovely sentiment. Unfortunately it doesn't always hold true.
There are enough examples in our everyday lives where we do not get the respect we deserve because someone's opinion of how we should behave differs from that which we hold virtuous. Or someone decides for whatever unrelated reason that they will withhold that respect.
So yes....lofty, utopian concept but not always true.
If you are worthy of respect by virtue of being a parent alone then where is the incentive for good actions. A jerk and a good father would both get parental respect.
As I explained earlier, if you have done what you are duty-bound to do (i.e. provide for a child's needs until they are able to care for themselves) then you deserve some level of respect for that effort. Granted it may not be the same respect for a "jerk" than for a "good" father, but respect nonetheless.
Re: How many of you still subscribe to ..
There is little difference between eastern and western values when it comes to this subject. You will find people who adhere to both viewpoints in both regions.
and people should think this way...... having and raising a child to the age where they become capable of looking after themselves requires compassion and effort. once a child is old enough to practice and show respect, he/she should do so simply for the fact that he/she was looked after when he/she could not do it for him/herself.
granted the child does not owe his/her life to the parent, the parent also does not owe their feelings of gratitude for this "privilege" to the child; those feelings are reserved for Allah, the Creator that provided this privilege. the parent also does not forfeit the right to respect from the child simply because Allah deemed them worthy of the privilege.
if the parent is asking for respect for their role in bringing this child to a point where they are capable to look after themselves then they are owed respect for that.
Yes...this is a lovely sentiment. Unfortunately it doesn't always hold true. There are enough examples in our everyday lives where we do not get the respect we deserve because someone's opinion of how we should behave differs from that which we hold virtuous. Or someone decides for whatever unrelated reason that they will withhold that respect. So yes....lofty, utopian concept but not always true.
As I explained earlier, if you have done what you are duty-bound to do (i.e. provide for a child's needs until they are able to care for themselves) then you deserve some level of respect for that effort. Granted it may not be the same respect for a "jerk" than for a "good" father, but respect nonetheless.
The way people see it here is that you chose to have the child and the child did not choose to be born, it is our duty to raise and provide for the child and what are we owed for doing our duty. Providing and caring is not considered a burden that an offspring has to bear as the society takes away the child from a parent unwilling to provide and care for the child and will have it adopted by many nice and caring couples waiting in queue for several years.
I have seen many parents who scream and yell at kids and beat them, that kind of behavior often destroys the children's lives so why should a man who destroyed someone's life be respected. We just heard about parents getting arrested for spanking a 14 yr old. The court did not respect the parents