Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
Lol, battered and bruised? Not my intentions. As many people who have commented. I was just giving you an example of something I know off. :)
that's good- cuz your story certainly does not pertain to me- my family nor i would ever behave that way
:)
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
all that matters is that they treat you well and respect you. your 'importance' to them should not be determined by how much gold they give you.
also, from what i've observed, this "laina daina" concept in shaadis happens more between families who have a formal relationship with each other. you mentioned you knew your in laws for 7 years, so they probably felt more comfortable with your family and were reassured that they didn't have to spend a whole load of money on you just to win your family over. giving too much at the time of the wedding can cause problems in the future because of high expectations.. so to you i'd say, cheer up, its a blessing in disguise!
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
Yeh to na insafi hey
-DP
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
Maybe they are getting more since your in laws financial situation has improved, or the two sets combined could have as much gold as that one set that you got. It depends from family to family, and don’t feel hurt! Just save up and buy yourself another one 
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
did they compensate you with some other things maybe? extra clothes, money etc.. My sister didn't want too much gold for the wedding so my parents gave her money and a very nice diamond ring for that amount.. Otherwise maybe they weren't financially stable to get you two sets at that time. Coming to the point I guess it would bug me a bit as well if my inlaws gave me one set and other DIL 2 sets..
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
I understand how you feel…I had similar feelings about my BIL’s wife’s stuff…thought it was alot nicer than mine 
It is kinda unfair but you just gotta suck it up and get over it…I know you know these things don’t matter too much and you’re not expecting much…so it sjust one of the things that you’re gonna have to get over cz it doesn’t matter much in life.
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
luvblingz I can understand your feelings that at times it may feel like they are differentiating between you and your SIL.....but maybe when you got married that's all they could afford? My mom got 1 set when she got married..10 yrs later my mom's sister got married and she got 3 sets...it's just what my grandparents could afford at each daughter's wedding not because they wouldn't give my mom more than one set if they could...Also, you should just think that whatever is in your kismet you will get it and whatever is in your SIL's kismet she will get...if she has two sets in her kismet and you had 1 then Allhumdulilllah you got 1 gold set there are brides who live all their lives and never wear any gold...:)
uhhhhhhhmmm
i don't even know what to say- wasn't expecting this type of reaction- i'm a nice person and meant no harm
i am not a whiny, spoiled brat- in fact, i grew up quite poor- so i don't expect much- i simply just wondered why things were not equal between me and BIL's fiancee
nor do i think that these are the most important things in life- and i never said that it was- if i felt it to be a life-affecting issue i would bring it up with them
if you guys who are attacking me actually read all of the things i said- i said that i was not going to let this affect my relationship with my in-laws (because in the big picture i know how many sets i got does not matter), that's why i'm letting steam off here and not saying anything to them (which i never would anyway)
but the fact of the matter is in the present small picture- it does hurt a little bit given that i've been around in my in-laws' lives for a lot longer, that's all
i thought this was a place we shared stories and feelings like these openly
feel like i got beat up here jeez
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
Luvblingz,
1) Do you think any of us strangers on Gupshup who don't know your in-laws would know EXACTLY why your in-laws gave your future SIL one more set than they gave you? We can only provide you with guesses. Perhaps they couldn't afford another set when you were getting married and they can afford it now. Perhaps this girl's family is harder to please than yours and so they're going the extra length. Perhaps your in-laws just simply like her more than you. WHO KNOWS? Our guess is good as yours. You're just wasting time trying to figure this mystery out. Time that could be spend on more positive activities.
2) If you were to bring up this issue with your husband or with your in-laws......do you really think it would help matters? If anything, it will make it worse for you. You'll risk offending your husband and your in-laws. Instead of realizing their own unfairness, they'll just point the finger at you and accuse you of being petty or greedy or materialistic (even if these labels are incorrect). If you have a good marriage with your husband....that's what matters most....and is messing that up really worth it?
3) Often times (and I might be wrong)....the jewelry shopping for a bride is done by the guy's parents.....and in that sense....the jewelry (may even be perceived) to have an impersonal feel to it. You're married to your husband....not his parents.....wouldn't you rather receive jewelry from HIM as opposed to his mommy? I dunno....maybe it's just me...but I feel that when your spouse gets you something, it's more special. You have the rest of your life to get such gifts from him. You will not be "stuck" with just that "one" jewelry set from your in-laws.....you will have opportunities (inshaAllah) to buy more.
4) EVEN if you had expressed your concerns to your in-laws and they decided to make things fair and get you another jewelry set.......would you truly feel happy with it. In the back of your mind you'll think they did it cuz they were guilted into it. What joy would you get from that....IF hypothetically speaking you were to do that?
5) It would be ideal if even people we don't share that close a bond with (such as in-laws) would implement fairness and justice and basic respect....but often times that doesn't happen. So, lower your expectations in some regards. Also, while jewelry has it's own importance....the amount of money that you spend on it could even be saved for another more practical purchase (a bigger home, a car, charity, children, etc etc).
Re: How many Jewelry Sets did you get??
i am very happy with my set and grateful for it which they know b/c i thanked them profusely
my feelings just got a little hurt when i heard, that was all- i will be over it soon
I acknowledge that the inequality WOULD be unsettling. I really DO think that feeling a bit hurt/miffed is a normal reaction. You're human...and I think many women (even if they don't really want another jewelry set) would feel this way. It's more about principals than about the materialism. Apart from jewelry.....a woman might complain about OTHER differences in treatment displayed by her in-laws (such as complimenting one DIL and ignoring/huring the other, etc). Again it's natural..................but try not to dwell on something that you 1) will not get any answers for.......and 2) could potentially cause drama in your marriage/susraal. Allah's watching and your in-laws (if they had ill intentions) will be held accountable. You continue to take the higher road...be the bigger person....don't bring up this jewelry matter with your husband or in-laws......and just focus your energy on more positive things. You TRULY CAN mentally move on from something if you repeatedly make the conscious effort to direct your thoughts toward a more positive area.....with time you'll get over it. Every time the thought of the gold set enters your head...just redirect your mind elsewhere. It's challenging, but not impossible.