How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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When ever long stayed guest visit us or guests just came on dinner party , I cook almost all dishes one day before except rice and any fried item and then just warm it and serve, so all time relax and enjoying with friends. If they have kids they all play but when they leave their mom told them to clean up the toy room, so almost all of my guests are helpful, but if I am in Pakistan nobody helps me, I have to do all chores by myself and they took all my efforts as granted no appreciation and no thanks.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

I actually used to not like when ppl came ovre :frowning: even wheN i wud be stuck up in my room, i cudnt come and go or anything as i pleased. Plus i was liek really awkward and shy, and of course there was always a comment abt my weight/looks so i hated to have any interaction with the ppl.

I remember how someoen wud call and say they were coming over and whatever my parents were doing, they’d have to stop and accomodate, OR my dad wud be taking my mom out but then one relative wud call and HE would invite them over, and my mom wud of cours cook salan for them :smack: which i thot was kinda messed up. Once, we were in pak, and it was saturday night i think, one relative of my dads called up and said they were coming ovre sunday morning for my moms biryani lol. well that night i think the rice had finished and the driver was gone home and other places were closed. ultimately my parents went out for a walk and bought some rice from the corner store…lol (or was it atta for the parathas? Hmmm)

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I wonder why there is such a difference btwn ppl here and in pak? I think its cz there, ppl are such good hosts that they feel they can be "bad" guests..idk.

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Really?? :eek: I thought Pakistani female guests always help out in kitchen…or is it just the desi women in US?? Oh man, I’m going to Pak soon and have been asked by many of hubby’s aunts that they want to eat food cooked by me…I would hate for women to gather in kitchen like makhiyaan and not even try to help me out!!

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When in June 2002 after marriage I was in Pakistan, I have to cook food in susraal with dupatta on my head, itni germi aur light bhi nahi bura haal ho jata tha. What a horrible days there were !!! now here in US I am relaxed while cooking. I remember on first eid-ul-zuha Feb 2003 I was there I cook refreshment items, my SIL(newly wed in January 2003) came with her husband, I served them and her hubby gave good comments on that servings but my SIL says mujhay bhi banana ata hai and she is having jealous feelings on her face, at that time my devar saw me as saying look at her face bhabhi she is jealous.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

^i think that is entirely a different case....it's common for inlaws to not praise the dulhan. I hope I wont face such situations when I'm there!!

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Best of Luck.

Timepass-July 2012
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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

rupay halwa, i know what u mean, but even then, its something that u can do in a certain way. I am just not into overly formal things.

and I especially dont want to be formally entertaning some guests who are really only at my place because its free lodging, they may be in town for some freind's wedding or conference, and decided to 'visit' us. i mean hey..we will treat u well, make somethign nice, try and entertain you a little bit.

I recall when a certain lady raised a big stink because we did not have a teapot to brew her tea in. its like lady..so we dont have a friggin teapot..well we had one put away which we never use because my style of drinkign tea is hot water, plop a bag of green tea and drink..

some of these 'guests' expect that the 'hosts' will know their preferences of all types and meet them, and to those types i say sod off.

couldnt to this lady cuz she was... well a siblings inlaw :D

Timepass-July 2012
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^ Aaah, and now we move onto the guests with "STANDARDS".

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Is it common for in-laws not to praise the dulhan? Perhaps they don't do it in front of her, but if they had guests, and dulhan cooked, wouldn't they want to show off one of the wonderful talents their new DIL has?

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

^Don't you visit life1 section? :D I'm sure if you ask this question there you're gonna get a lot of responses. Apparently, it's very common for inlaws to put down DIL in front of ghair laug.

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^ right.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

OIC.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

I like to think I am a good hostess. Whenever people come over I tend to go overboard with the food and hospitality which is not always a bad thing if you ask me.
My mom is an amazing hostess. If she wasn't my mommy I would go to her place every weekend!

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oh well... i m a really freedom lover and never take my privacy for granted so i dun like havin guests over at random times or without informing me atleast 2 hours before they come (so i can atleast clean up the mess i in the living room...hehehe) i like to throw a family party atleast 1 time in a year and maximum 2 or 3 where my parents, husband's 2 mamo's and mami's etc are there. i have a gud excuse of working and leading a busy lifestyle so ppl dun create problems. plus the mami who lives close to me doesnt come at my place that often.... maybe once in 3 months or so. but ive noticed i take ALOT of pressure infrnt of my hubby's mamo's and mami's cus they both have total of 7 children and i hate the fact that theyre running around like crazy in my house, switching off the lights and switchin on tube lights (GRRRRRRRR.... I hate anyone touching my lights, its my bloody house, u shudnt be doin that!!!!) so i m under alot of pressure and most of the time i m grumbling and mincing my teeth at the stuff they do at my place. havin said that, i have also enjoyed cooking for my cousin or BIL if they come over. maximum ive had is my BIL for 2-3 months i think... but that is only cus he was a carefree type, minded his own business and didnt demand time from my hubby(unlike his parents and other brother!!!) so i think it totally depends on the person whos comin over.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

^ I agree with you Mall...I do think it depends on who is coming over. I have always enjoyed being hospitable and it is in my nature to want to make guests feel welcome. Cooking for them is obviously a big part of this. However, over the years I have learnt that people start expecting more and more and give back less and less appreciation. Its almost as if they feel "oh dont worry about her she can cope..." and once people start taking you for granted then thats it, you have to put a stop to it!

I have learnt that its better not to let yourself get into a situation that WILL lead to resentment later. In our culture, and I have personal experience of this, you can have members of your in-laws (i'm not talking about MIL/ FIL) coming and staying over for MONTHS and expecting you to wait on them hand and foot. And not wanting to offend anyone, I do find people from Pakistan who are used to servants expect you to be the substitutes!

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thankfully i havent had guests living for a long period let alone treating me like servants! ive had MIL and FIL living for 2 months and in those months i hardly cooked :D that was fun ;) hehehe cus i wud work till 5.30 and she wudnt obviously wait for me to cook lunch u know... so she wud cook and my hubby and FIL would eat and sleep... when i wud b back from office, they will all b sleeping! i dun mind guests that much... the only thing that bothers me is coming without informing me atleast some hours before... u never know maybe our fridge is empty or house is a mess or i just dun want them there! when my BIL stayed for 2-3 months it was pretty much ok and the best part was he didnt occupy our space or invaded our privacy... infact hes the only weird BIL i have(but me likey!!). he dusnt watch tv or movies. just give him internet and a room and he dusnt move his ass except for water or something! plus he is easy when it comes to food preferences. one of my devars is such a gosht khoor ... i can literally KILL him!!!!!!! my biggest nitemare is havin him live with us for more than a day!! plus he eats alot Mashallah.... sara khana khatam hojata hia :D

Timepass-July 2012
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I find in-laws (not MIL/FIL) easier to deal with than guests at times, bcos i don't have to maintain that facade and grit my teeth. I have had a BIL stay over (for longer than necessary!) but right from the beginning i made it very clear that i will NOT be looking after him or cleaning up for him. So he had to do his laundry and cleaning etc himself. hehe!

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Come on Mall, don't pander to him! Just bcos he loves his meat, it doesnt mean u have to provide it all the time. If he stays for a day, provide meat dish for one sitting, the next serve him some vegetables alongside it.

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Re: How long can u keep up the Good Hostess Act???

as far as guests go, thats one area I am ery diff from my parents, frowing up we always had all kinds of long term guests at our place, both in KSA and UK, what irked me was when we were living in Riyadh and go back to London for summer, some champions decided that they wanted to be in London over the summer also, ..the whole damn summer..and thus they take over a couple of rooms. and still whined that they did not have enough space...khachar, u want enough space, go friggin rent a castle.

In Saudi Arabia is was yet another situation, dad will try and help ppl and they will stay with us when they would get in teh country, until they had their own place, and sometimes it was a while. sometimes they were relatives, close ones, distant ones, acquaintances, friends of friends.

Now my view is, if u are not my friend, begum's friend, or close relative..that we like. you ae not staying with us, because usually all the effort is not appreciated and you end up just stressing yourself out anyways.