How long after marriage should you have a baby?

[somegroovychick]

Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?

@Chicken_Biryani

SGC, I have given my personal example .. Alot of my family and friends did say to me when i was in my 20’s that I shouldnt delay marriage and having kids .. but I did coz i was too busy finding a Mr right and my career .. eventually got married in my early 30’s and when the fertility issue hit me , I was taken aback and realized that i didnt even have the timeframe to rectify my mistake .. at that point I cursed myself deeply and all those people as well who encouraged me all the while to live my life to the fullest before considering having babies.. even at the clinics I met alot of women groups that regret having left the child bearing for a later age ..

When we look at it from Islamic perspective we have our answer we arent encouraged to family plan .. having said that some circumstances are required to do that . .but I dont think a child is a burden that wont let one enjoy their life with their husband ..

We also cant make a statement that mature aged parents are better at parenting then younger age ones .. in our parents generations they would get married in their early 20’s and have a family immediately after .. were we not raised well? … I feel its all a myth of the modern times that one matures and then should have kids ..

Medically as well its a proven fact that a woman’s body is best for childbearing in her early 20’s ( medically proven fact that a woman’s fertility peaks when she is 24 ) .. after that the systems are only going downhill .. that clearly tells us women not to interfere with nature and let nature take its course.

Even for fertility treatments , let me share what I realized in a very harsh manner, not all infertility cases are easily treatable .. the younger you are the better the chances of you being treated , but every year you put on, puts you in a limbo. In majority of the cases we only find out about fertility issues after we have ended up trying to concieve for at least 8-12 months .. or even more in some cases .. hence isnt it wiser that we factor in this possibility in our greater plans just to be on the safer side ?

i’m not saying being older automatically makes you a better parent, just that there isn’t anything wrong with waiting, imho. and yes, islam doesn’t encourage family planning, but it also doesn’t say you should be married in your early 20s either. but regardless, what if you don’t get married until later? you can’t force yourself into marriage with just anyone because you’re in your 20s and you need to have a baby or you might have problems later. you can’t live life on “mights”. you shouldn’t cross the road, you might get hit by a car. you shouldn’t eat that steak, you might have a heart attack etc.
do you really regret waiting for your mr. right, now that you are married to him, despite your fertility troubles?

*“I feel its all a myth of the modern times that one matures and then should have kids .. *”
respectfully, i disagree with this. being mature ain’t no myth. our parents did the best they could, of course, but they had no choice. i doubt family planning and/or careers were as talked about in those days as much between couples as they are now. but being immature and having a child is a recipe for disaster. as i said, getting pregnant is just the beginning of a very, very long journey.