Alot of my married (in their early 20s) acquaintances got pregnant right away and exactly 9 months after their wedding, they have a baby. Do you think couples should wait and enjoy themselves before planning to have a kid or is getting pregnant the main reason to get married in the first place?
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
depends on the couple, really. one of my bff's got married at 33 and her husband was 37 so they conceived within 6 months. they want 4 kids iA and didn't want to wait around plus they were already pursuing the careers they wanted to, had travelled extensively, and were financially stable mA.
then i know a couple where she was 24 and he was 34, and they waited 6 years until she was 30 and he was 40, to have a baby. i guess she felt she was too young and had just started out in her career and he was happy to wait, so that worked well for them.
and then there are couples like many of our parents who do conceive right off the bat and are super happy to do so, and other couples who are young professionals in the middle of doing things they want to and who don't feel they are ready for kids yet. there really isn't any set formula or right/wrong answers here. its all about personal choice.
yes, biologically speaking, your 20s are your optimum time, health-wise and quality of egg-wise to have a child but on the flipside you might not be emotionally ready to have a child and that's no fun for anyone.
i had my son at 32 (my husband is 31) and we felt like this was the right time for us, emotionally and financially. unfortunately, you never really know how much work it is to have a child until you have a child. but knowing what i know, i would not have been as good a mom in my 20s as i am now! (plus i didn't get married till i was 28 anyway so that kind of made it hard too ;))
but NO, having a baby should not be the ONLY reason you got married. definitely not lol. children enhance marriages; the success of a marriage should not be based on children.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
depends on couple.
How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Now when my kids are grown up I think it's better to have them early and later enjoy your life! Me and my hubz are still young, we had kids at an early age, so now we are making up for that time. My kids are my best friends :) we sing and dance and do silly things and so much more :) love them to bits!
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Whenever you and your partner feel you're ready.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
i think atleast 6months gap after marriage is good!
i mean both husband and wife would get to know each other,habits,likes,dislikes etc
so it would be easy to have a baby then....
otherwise it would be a little frustrating or disturbing for both of you (right after wedding or in start)for adjusting with pregnancy symptoms hormones,nausea,heartburns,sleep disorders,headaches,mood swings...and list goes on
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
I agree that it depends on the couples. they shouldn't be trying to compete with other couples who got married at the same time to see who has a baby first. and then there's the whole "desi aunties" thing where if you haven't conceived after a year, they'll start with their gossips about infertility and all.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Henna , SGC said it all , but just to add .. 6 months time frame is a good option always specially in arrange marriages , its important to get to know your partner and enjoy a bit of time with them before taking on your new set of responsiblities ..
Having said that , I feel unfortunately fertility issues are on a rise in today's time and age and the earlier you catch them the better time frame you get to deal with it .. hence why I do believe sincerely now that one shouldnt delay having children ..
One of the advises I got long ago from a friend, let the first kid come within the first year of marriage .. you can always do your family planning from then onwards .. now having fought several issues , I feel that advise was the bestest ever ...
Once again, it does depend largely on Allah Mian's Will and then the couple's understanding with each other .
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
This is just so tricky to plan actually. Just as Cb mentioned, and very rightly so, fertility issues are on the rise but then there are people ma sha Allah who never have such issues so you never know basically. I personally would say the younger couples should take some time knowing each other and enjoying life. They can have their family started within 6 months to a year. But for that reason, its rather if the couple is young. I dont think much time should be taken once the wife hits 25. I might not be politically correct here, but the bitter truth being, girls hitting their late twenties might be more prone to fertility issues than those in their early twenties.
So MARRY EARLY girls, have few months or a year of enjoyment and then have a baby 
and complete your life :k:
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Let me at hat once again..depends on the couple! We got married at me being 20 and m husband 25 n we had so much growing up to do that t would be unfair to the child to be in that relationship. Our first one was born 7 years after our marriage and alhamdulillah that wasa perfect timing for us. I was done with my studies, had already worked in my career for a few years hence the reputation n we were both ready emotionally! It was a perfect timing for s but our parents ad kind of given up on us since I do come from a family of having a first one within 9 months!
I do have to say though that husband n wife should enjoy each other, travel, etc n then have a baby! Babies are fun but so are husbands :D
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
we don’t know if fertility issues are actually on the rise, or if its because we’re all on the internet now and talking about it thus making it SEEM like fertility issues are on the rise. fertility treatments are also now more available- and affordable- than before, so, again, it might SEEM like there are more fertility issues but you cannot make a blanket statement like that.
as well, just because your 20s are your biologically optimal age for child-bearing, does NOT mean they are the best for child-rearing which is when the work really starts. pregnancy is a cakewalk compared to actually raising a healthy child. this is something to consider before advising new couples to go ahead and multiply. it really, truly varies from couple to couple- there isn’t any one formula for all.
like gtg said, babies are fun, but husbands are fun too! and since you’ll be raising any babies with your husband, its probably a good idea to get to know them really well before producing your own tiny humans.
also, please don’t say “have a baby and complete your life” because there are quite a few ladies on GS who are struggling with infertility issues and its pretty insensitive to make a statement like that. what if you can’t have children or choose not to? it doesn’t mean you have an incomplete, or unfulfilled, life.
Some of my friends and classmates have teenage kids, they got married right after high school or just got a diploma. I feel that they missed out on the college experience and they feel I had kids late but honestly I would have been a lousy mother in my twenties.
I think it is very important to enjoy some time as a couple when you add kids to the mix a lot of your attention gets diverted.
Alhamdulillah we got to spend time as a couple and honestly things we did then we can't even think of doing now like watching a movie uninterrupted.
Best time is when Allah wills but also when you can do justice to your role as parents
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
SGC, I have given my personal example .. Alot of my family and friends did say to me when i was in my 20's that I shouldnt delay marriage and having kids .. but I did coz i was too busy finding a Mr right and my career .. eventually got married in my early 30's and when the fertility issue hit me , I was taken aback and realized that i didnt even have the timeframe to rectify my mistake .. at that point I cursed myself deeply and all those people as well who encouraged me all the while to live my life to the fullest before considering having babies.. even at the clinics I met alot of women groups that regret having left the child bearing for a later age ..
When we look at it from Islamic perspective we have our answer we arent encouraged to family plan .. having said that some circumstances are required to do that . .but I dont think a child is a burden that wont let one enjoy their life with their husband ..
We also cant make a statement that mature aged parents are better at parenting then younger age ones .. in our parents generations they would get married in their early 20's and have a family immediately after .. were we not raised well? ... I feel its all a myth of the modern times that one matures and then should have kids ..
Medically as well its a proven fact that a woman's body is best for childbearing in her early 20's ( medically proven fact that a woman's fertility peaks when she is 24 ) .. after that the systems are only going downhill .. that clearly tells us women not to interfere with nature and let nature take its course.
Even for fertility treatments , let me share what I realized in a very harsh manner, not all infertility cases are easily treatable .. the younger you are the better the chances of you being treated , but every year you put on, puts you in a limbo. In majority of the cases we only find out about fertility issues after we have ended up trying to concieve for at least 8-12 months .. or even more in some cases .. hence isnt it wiser that we factor in this possibility in our greater plans just to be on the safer side ?
How long after marriage should you have a baby?
It depends on the couple really
But I have cousins who are both sisters they got mArriend on the same day with 2 bros and the elder one was 23 and younger one was 21 and the elder one got pregnant straight after her wedding amd she found out within 2n half weeks after her marrige and both were very happy and the younger one's husband after hearing that his bro is gonna be a father he also wanted his wife to be pregnant and after 3 weeks of her wedding she had her periods and he was very upset and straight after she got pregnant and she wud first before marriage say I want to be at least 24 when I want my first kid but it's Allah's choice and both couples are very happy
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
As everyone said it should really depends on the couple. Don't let anyone else (in-laws, etc.) influence that decision. It should really be up to the two of you.
I personally am very happy about the way it worked out for us. We waited for a year during which was very positive for us. First of all we really got to know each other and secondly we managed to travel a lot together which we couldn't have done to that extent with a baby.
I am now equally happy to be a father of 3 wonderful kids who have brought an enormous amount of happiness in our lives.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Henna , SGC said it all , but just to add .. 6 months time frame is a good option always specially in arrange marriages , its important to get to know your partner and enjoy a bit of time with them before taking on your new set of responsiblities ..
Having said that , I feel unfortunately fertility issues are on a rise in today's time and age and the earlier you catch them the better time frame you get to deal with it .. hence why I do believe sincerely now that one shouldnt delay having children .. ** One of the advises I got long ago from a friend, let the first kid come within the first year of marriage .. you can always do your family planning from then onwards .. now having fought several issues , I feel that advise was the bestest ever ... **
Once again, it does depend largely on Allah Mian's Will and then the couple's understanding with each other .
Totally got the same advice and given the fertility issues everyone seems to be facing, I tend to agree.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Alot of my married (in their early 20s) acquaintances got pregnant right away and exactly 9 months after their wedding, they have a baby. Do you think couples should wait and enjoy themselves before planning to have a kid or is getting pregnant the main reason to get married in the first place?
Getting pregnant is not the main reason to get married for majority (I am pretty sure about that )
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
Its different for everyone i guess. I wanted to complete my education after marriage and spend some time with my husband before i got pregnant. wanted to travel and stuff and be financially set before we tried. things didn't turn out exactly as planned though. we never really got financially set and couldn't really enjoy ourselves to the extent that we wanted and i couldn't find a job because i hadn't finished school yet. and to cap it all off when i did end up doing my final semester, i got diagnosed with polycystic ovaries at age 25 which sent me into a state of panic because i had never expected that to happen to me ( i had no symptoms). so i talked to my husband and we decided to try and Mashallah I didn't have trouble conceiving.
The point is, that i didn't get the honeymoon phase after marriage, i never got to work before having a baby, i never felt (and still feel) like we have enough money to support a child , but I still feel like we made the right decision not to wait anymore to have a child and no one can change how I feel.
age does matter and yes fertility issues can happen to anyone. im 26 and pregnant and i don't feel like I'm too young or anything to have a child.
if i had waited for everything in life to fall into place before having a child, i would probably never had any kids.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
SGC, I have given my personal example .. Alot of my family and friends did say to me when i was in my 20's that I shouldnt delay marriage and having kids .. but I did coz i was too busy finding a Mr right and my career .. eventually got married in my early 30's and when the fertility issue hit me , I was taken aback and realized that i didnt even have the timeframe to rectify my mistake .. at that point I cursed myself deeply and all those people as well who encouraged me all the while to live my life to the fullest before considering having babies.. even at the clinics I met alot of women groups that regret having left the child bearing for a later age ..
When we look at it from Islamic perspective we have our answer we arent encouraged to family plan .. having said that some circumstances are required to do that . .but I dont think a child is a burden that wont let one enjoy their life with their husband ..
We also cant make a statement that mature aged parents are better at parenting then younger age ones .. in our parents generations they would get married in their early 20's and have a family immediately after .. were we not raised well? ... I feel its all a myth of the modern times that one matures and then should have kids ..
Medically as well its a proven fact that a woman's body is best for childbearing in her early 20's ( medically proven fact that a woman's fertility peaks when she is 24 ) .. after that the systems are only going downhill .. that clearly tells us women not to interfere with nature and let nature take its course.
Even for fertility treatments , let me share what I realized in a very harsh manner, not all infertility cases are easily treatable .. the younger you are the better the chances of you being treated , but every year you put on, puts you in a limbo. In majority of the cases we only find out about fertility issues after we have ended up trying to concieve for at least 8-12 months .. or even more in some cases .. hence isnt it wiser that we factor in this possibility in our greater plans just to be on the safer side ?
i'm not saying being older automatically makes you a better parent, just that there isn't anything wrong with waiting, imho. and yes, islam doesn't encourage family planning, but it also doesn't say you should be married in your early 20s either. but regardless, what if you don't get married until later? you can't force yourself into marriage with just anyone because you're in your 20s and you need to have a baby or you might have problems later. you can't live life on "mights". you shouldn't cross the road, you might get hit by a car. you shouldn't eat that steak, you might have a heart attack etc.
do you really regret waiting for your mr. right, now that you are married to him, despite your fertility troubles?
*"I feel its all a myth of the modern times that one matures and then should have kids .. *"
respectfully, i disagree with this. being mature ain't no myth. our parents did the best they could, of course, but they had no choice. i doubt family planning and/or careers were as talked about in those days as much between couples as they are now. but being immature and having a child is a recipe for disaster. as i said, getting pregnant is just the beginning of a very, very long journey.
Re: How long after marriage should you have a baby?
^its true and imo getting married and having kids totally depends on your maturity too.....
i have seen many women having kids in their early twenties n are quite mature to raise them on the other hand some are like sgc said that they have no choice....n then there are people who r in their late twenties n not mature enough to have a baby....
its all about when you are ready to take responsibility of having children in your family....husband's maturity matters too!